We went from being in love to not being able to look at each other
We went from telling each other we loved one another during *** to not being able to stand in the same room together
We went from sitting in bed at 4 am eating peanuts to not eating at all
We went from brushing our teeth in the shower together to not being able to touch each other's lips
You're the only one whose told me they loved me
You're the only one I don't feel a need to hold onto any longer

It all started out fine
The most unique bunch of people I've ever had the privilege of meeting are reunited
First snow fall
We smoke in large numbers, we openly express our love for one another
I am in love
Expired cards scrap the surfaces of mirrors, everyone's snorting something
Facing fears
One on one we discuss our issues, our vices
A few get angry, no blood shed
A couple begin to fight, many tears shed
I find myself spinning, I find myself between both my ex's and my ex best friend
We are at peace together even though we struggle to find peace when alone
Morning comes and no one has slept
The rooms cold
Eyes like sunken ships and black holes
We see things we don't want to see
We find out things we didn't want to know
It all started with smoking in numbers, now it's a shaky home

My skin appears to becoming paper thin
Yet I am no coward, feel no fear
I am a warrior with a razor blade and an army of bad memories
A captain who's forgot how to steer and a crew full of drunks
The light has not been taken from my eyes, I am simply too strange to do anything rational
I wouldn't mind if for the rest of my life I only slept with the sheep
I wouldn't mind if for the rest of my life I was free
They say it's easiest to conquer in numbers but I'd rather just fight my battles alone

Not even five minutes after you left I puked
Threw up all the things I should have said
Rid myself of the possibility that we'd ever be together again
Spat out the cold sad reality that we'd probably never be again

An overwhelming sense of loneliness washed over me while you talked about how things are better with your girlfriend
I miss you
I pass you your coffee
a delayed thank you
I stare at you in awe
I still love you
You talk about that time she was brave, I stare at your wrists
I ask myself why I do this to myself
I am alone
I am home

One day in a casual conversation I was asked what I would consider the best day of my life
I couldn't answer right away
Memories poured into my head but there were gaps and holes and missing information
A week later I was driving down the road in the passenger seat, the road we took that one day, the day we started holding hands again
I found the answer
The day you picked me up from my house in your moms car and we drove to that small beach and smoked cigarettes
The day I was terrified I'd **** something up
The day we got coffee and just drove and I mostly listened to you talk
The day we went to that other beach and laid on the concrete just past the sand and you rested your head on my stomach and I played with your hair and thought about how long it's been since we last kissed
It was that day you took the long way home and you pulled over the car just past the grave yard and you gave me that look and you kissed me
It was that day that you told me it was hard for you not to hold me

I remember how good it felt to lay in this field
The high was divine
In the back of that car, the breeze and bass drowning out every insecurity
Strangers are the best people to hold hands with
Those times when I was too ****** up it my own good
These are the moments when you give into happiness
The mornings when you wake up with the love of your adolescence
Those nights where you're dripping in sweat from the come down, when the trip was good
When you blink away every death threat without even considering the possibility of a permanent escape
Bliss