my addictions & afflictions,

The decision I need to make
On whether to give up or give in

Just maybe I need to disappear from sight

Melt a bowl
Cracking it back
Just one time
I'm escaping
The reality of my life

I choose to stop this  
Responsibility  of hard work
And
Now I light it up
I get higher
Then the clouds
Distancing myself

From the
that part of me don't think
The parts of me that don't deal no need to speak

Jump straight the hole
Dig deeper now

Cursed by the lies

Dougie, you are the man of my dreams
You are my only true king
I will give you my all
N show you only the truthfulness I'm living
I promise you Baby, as you Look in my eyes and until the end of time. You will always be mine

Somewhere in this world is the
Reason ..
I get mind ****** If I had no skills
He wouldn't still be with me
I'm sure of it ..
Selfish to think
I was really that important

Actualy quite the opposite
My tongue is just the Reason to
Pretends he cares

I'm just a waste if time
He says he doesn't deserve me


Maybe I am just a battle ship
Waiting to sink
Over speak and over. Think
Pitiful to think I was better then
Her .. He whorshiped the ground she walked on .. I will never stand a chance
She will always rule the shadows of my relationship
Taunting hiim


He could have her but got stuck with. Me
Im so bitter to say things
lashing out of anger
But I feel as if I'm just tge second choice cuz he couldn't have her

The way he holds me in his arms
The smile on his handsome face,
The look in his blue eyes
The way in which he smells,
The sound of his  gentle voice.

The sound of his laughter
His sweet kisses
Being wrapped in his love
Feeling the warmth of his skin
The way he always spoils me
he always calls me "Annie"

A sorry thought
A dried up tear
A broken promise
A never here
A why did you go
An I don't have a home
A empty life
A messed up strife
A broken bone
A person that's going to cry
This damaged mind
A terrible lie
Never belonged cry
A reality that hurts
That makes me know
I have hurt you the most
I wish it want so
I let you down and let you go
And you don't really know
If I love you like I said
Im really sorry.
That I caused this sadness AnD dread
You need to know I honestly really loved you so .
Its was me that was weak
Broken and alone
My Selfish thoughts
Broke up your home
Its not that I wanted to just give you away
It was what I thought was right where the darkest days would become your light .. These people Rochelle And Jesse were the miracles that shined
And would make you happy once again
But I hope you know I love you so
More then you will ever know
I love you forever
And always
My beautiful first born
My sweet precious gift.

Mersadie your the light
Where it all begins again
Someday we will meet again

Respect thy self
Know your worth it
Don't let anyone
Walk on you
Love with all your heart
Don't give up
Pray
Breathe

Lesson learnt the hard way
Seems to be the only way that I can get it through my head
This is true
Its said
Tough love
I've been fed!
Change was only found
When I
Decide to change
That is how it always rains
I let My chains come off
Now Im free

Uneven ground, I stumble around trying to catch my footing

My head is foggy and everything seems unreal
Not sure if I am just dreaming or if it's real

My hands shake as if I'm
Nervous but my
Mind can't grasp reality

Not on anything
But this constant
Dizzy feeling
Dares me to stray

Sitting in this place the are   lights off in My Brain and millions  spots filling these circles with black circled dots, darkness is coming for my soul but wont my body  because it old
I'm holding my head I can't help it if  frown there is a sound coming from the other room a feeling that gets louder boom boom every second every time every clock that takes rings alarm clock like it's the morning after your brain has mastered every thought and every second and every word every reason every hope God forsaken place that I've ever held in my heart these are the words that are engraved into the world for I will not leave without giving you that one thing you hope for the most to give you the piece of paper that holds my fate.I  might face my desire My ending on a downward slate messed up trials the messed up  I gave up my Reasons I fed up I'm telling you those aren't the only things that mark as a spot in my head I do walk in and I was of my hard headed my mind wondering who is on my side is there only to have this place that is locked away with a key Unstoppable decisions that make my consequences good choices I make other good or bad it's for that sake or is it opened you can be free step on to this sand make your heart make your choice to start up to you give it the world your choice to make it true if there's only place that you can erase your thoughts or you can write I ought to know there's a note on the bathroom door it says please go to the store but can you realize you are not only there as a slave to this world but be gentle in your words in your touch in your mind some people can't spot that quickening that has you wishing you could finish before the end don't be so quick to make a decision that is where you could find your parts of the world that the words  are supposed to replace.so out of time they don't rhyme that doesn't matter who's defined that is your magic place in time. A magical space is truly kind the feeling of hope that makes you rewind closing down your brain making your heart train that is the magical place you start to feel like you actually have a part this world is a big one but you can start by picking up the pieces that were messed up from the start closing everything like it's a Gallery of Art you don't show the world if the missing piece that won't be seen and we'll get old collect dust and no one will see with the tween lines of each piece of paper that you signed that is how you know is fate coming to take its place and rate you a place that makes you great be able to see it and no it is true no one is knocking on the door but you stand up and be seen throw the world the words of the Unseen that is finally a good place to be nothing left but a good night sleep

Goosebumps appear right before
The sharp needle pierces my ivory skin.
This elixir that I crave to inject into my veins is arousing.

Happens to be nothing more electrifying or exciting to feel as a euphoria begins rushing thru my entire body.
Pumping the intoxicating elixir to my *** and down into my wet *****
This pleasure is so  complex it's extraordinary.

I crave Daddy's thickness deep in  my *****.

I need to feel him deep inside me penetrating my core
I can't help but explode as my cummies overflow all over the bed.

A spiral of smoke
       Satin rose petals
         Delicate tears
            leaks
From your Deepest thoughts

Emotional overload destruction, malfunction  
The wall that I built
Is starting to crumble
So much pressure
I can't hold it in much longer I just want to scream on the top of the Mountain as loud as can be

I'm not in pain glad to be out of the rain you were never shelter you were just a memory I was supposed to get have a lesson learned now it's past never going to give you a chance to see me cry I'm not no baby cuz I'm a warrior I'm no victim I'm a hard-headed Soldier and opinionated woman with the attitude don't **** around with me cuz I'll give you no choice but to go I'm never going to sit here and cry alone cuz you didn't do what you thought you did you didn't make me less than you I've learned a lesson because of you I can live on I can be happy I've moved on no more ******* no more lies I don't have to deal with you making me cry I'm a better person now.. I  will put a tattoo of this day a memory of why I'll never stay don't settle for less than you want because it is ******* guaranteed never need to flaunt!

Sometimes the world wants to watch as you fall,  
but you got to get up and pull your big girl ******* up try again and again.

dont hesitate

How dare you judge,
Actually assume
Im a fool
My life is so ****** up
And you seem to think .. we are suppose to maintain a
Decent amount of communication
Your not suppose to be a burden to ask outlandish questions,
Stating that my reasons for not speaking all day long or when you see fit. To outright you're wrongs.
Your making a mockery of my trust in you.
A ****** off plan of public view if you want me to gravel at your feet rewrite the songs that you plan to speak the heart in which you hold my jaw a moment of rich as ever your wrongs every outkast at work and every mind over matter

Broken homes
And shattered lives
Sorrow roams thick
In many of our own lives
Some people hearts
Mend
Others stay hollow
Emptiness
Resides

Her fair porcelain skin was exceptiona soft and radiant
Her face a rare beauty
Those eyes a spectacular dark  green
Never mind the scars deep into her core
Because she remained the same every day.
So easy to trick her sanity
She chooses the  make-believe world

The manner in which they move around the room
His arms stretch out to he pulls her in
The dances that last all night
The pair seems to be a beautiful sight
The audience cheers
Applause all around
The clock ticks on by
In the enchanted  realm
It could survive the hardest  part
Growing old and forgetting the moments that keep her alive


Soon the world goes dark
As she sits alone in the empty room
Though she tries as she closes her eyes
She remembers it all
Twirling around
The star of the ball

Tears began in
to fall, Once again
Its all past
Reliving the continuous life that
She wishes would have
Lingered

She opens her eyes
Touching her face and looking in the mirror
She once again notices the wrinkles on her old skin
And thoughts of him so near
Loving him so much
When he died so young
The only world she lives in is the one in her head
Where they are 25
having the time of their lives
Routines
And early morning hours
Prancing
Around swinging here and there
Tripping and falling
And giggling and having a wonderful time
To be in love so young
Only nothing last forever time does move on
Her heart begins to break
This is more then she can take
She comes to the dance floor every evening after 4 pm
To pick up her granddaughter who practices every day
She promises her lover
To continue with her dreams
But she can't so she live thru her granddaughter.

So I am a beautiful, intelligent, creative and strong woman.
Anyone that gets to be a part of my life is privileged and should be honored to be there,
so I'm going into 2019 with a simple but honest truth.
I will overcome, I will better myself and I have no fear because I will raise above all these troubles!!
I'm a warrior woman (HEAR ME ROAR)

Seems the little things are what I want to the most, but you're too busy chasing that **** bag .

Here we go again with the intent to get higher than last time.

Each day you are frantically trying to find a bowl of dope to fill that Little

Currently,  there has been so much craziness going on, that I don't have a clue what is really happening in my life.

Saddness creeps
Into my brain

My uneasy heart
Tuggs at the strings
My mind has been warpped
Under other peoples. Views and opinions
My broken view of the world is unclear
Im a mistake
Im a burden
Im just a waste of time
Those words have.been etched
Into my thoughts

Cuz over and over my mother.
My grandmother
My demons
Do curse me
beat me down
Make me believe the words
And i have becomem a wasted life
Now i believe
Im not important
Not worth tje effort
Others are better
If they stay far away
From me
So i don't( ruin anymore peoples lives)
Im a failure
Im a **** up
A. Ctazy freak
Im ruined my life
And i hate myself
Because all i ever wanted was to be the best mom i could be
n i failed i ******
Up. I ruuined it so bad
I miss my kids so much ot hurts but they are mostly better without me around
Everything i touch becomes tainted

Unsure of what is to come in our future. All I do know is how profound my love for you has become.

I do recognize we are only human, I have to allow you make any *****-ups needed so as to learn and grow.
My sweet friend as well as lover, I honestly believe that my inclination for you will only grow as time goes on.

The good and mighty Lord has a plan. So I pray with my heart and soul that he sows the path that we will be astonished with.

Looking out the window out Into the cold dark world.
Seeing all the damage
That people have been thrown.
Walkig past one another
Each and every day
Not even looking at each other as they pass their ways.
Sadness fills their own heads
Makes them blind and mute
Never even smile
Blank looks or dismay
So caught off guard
They don't even bother to say ''hey''
How are you to day
And even then if they do
The other people say,''good or fine''
Most likely That Not even close to the actions and feelings that
Are just below the surface
Taunting their brains
Suffocating their realities
Creating havoc and chaos every turn
Alone in a world with people all around
Somehow its true but you
Can't forget the your Own views.
You don't have a clue
What others think. Or do

Melting into the oblivous
Abyss
Having the courage to be different
To strive to lend a hand
To go out of your way to connect to others
And she the gain.
Know that all of us have struggles and all of us Feel pain
But being kind and doing your best to fill their voids.
Show people that are almost ready to give up that their is another way
Share your voice. Share your hearts
Change a view or a soul
Make them all feel better
Even if its just a smile and to say .
I hope you have a nice day
At least you tried to make. Someone
Happy just one more day.

By Anna Marie rose How are
12- 17-2017

This disarray in my head
is a unhinged reality.

Everything's unstable  
The plans become void
As always enabling each other, a destructive cyclone of dysfunctional
Life.

The heartbreaking hours before our sweet undeserving pooch took his last breath.  June 6th, 2020 at 2:30 am.
My significant grief isn't exactly going to go away that quickly. My tears are unavoidable.
Now everything feels bizarre and empty.

My sweet love
You hold my heart
in your hands.
A fierce wind blows up
Memories
Of our lives
Knowing that you
Are the reason why
I want to be alive
Better than the alternative
Loathing my life
Has been a long saddened pain
Hopefully I can see
Thru the rain, to a better day.
As you hold my hand along the way
Thru and thru
You been there to
Help me up when I fall
I glad you have been there thru it all
It's the same reason that
I know things will be alright
Being able to someday sing
Will be a delight

I just wrote another poem
And thought I would share

Well here it is

---------------Looking out the window out Into the cold dark world.
Seeing all the damage
That people have been thrown.
Walkig past one another
Each and every day
Not even looking at each other as they pass their ways.
Sadness fills their own heads
Makes them blind and mute
Never even smile
Blank looks or dismay
So caught off guard
They don't even bother to say ''hey''
How are you to day
And even then if they do
The other people say,''good or fine''
Most likely That Not even close to the actions and feelings that
Are just below the surface
Taunting their brains
Suffocating their realities
Creating havoc and chaos every turn
Alone in a world with people all around
Somehow its true but you
Can't forget the your Own views.
You don't have a clue
What others think. Or do

Melting into the oblivous
Abyss
Having the courage to be different
To strive to lend a hand
To go out of your way to connect to others
And she the gain.
Know that all of us have struggles and all of us Feel pain
But being kind and doing your best to fill their voids.
Show people that are almost ready to give up that their is another way
Share your voice. Share your hearts
Change a view or a soul
Make them all feel better
Even if its just a smile and to say .
I hope you have a nice day
At least you tried to make. Someone
Happy just one more day.

By Anna Marie rose Howard
12- 17-2017

Struggling to cope
Strung out on dope
Seems there's no hope
Everyone thinks
I'm
A joke
Can't stay afloat
Looking at life thru
A microscope
This poem needs rewrote

Often there seems to be a chill that does run down my spine,
I look to my Daddy to reassure me that
There is in fact nothing to be worried about,
But lately it just isn't that way ,
I know in my soul that something wicked this way comes and I fear that in this here land of the free,
It isn't going to be such Great place to be much longer.
As I linger in the moment and Think of this how the bizzare Election went down, I doubt my Daddy can stop the winds that have come change.
This doomed land of ours has almost slipped from grasp,
Will we be able to overcome this rage or will we fall defeat to the other side duality of this follies pride and watch as the beasts collide

I'm always thinking of you,
This makes my head fill with passion and ***.
It's that beautiful kind of love
God, how our *** life is intense!

You're a sweet inspiration,
I believe your beyond handsome.
With that intelligent mind of yours,
it keeps me intrigued day after day.
Just remember you're stuck with me.

This feeling you give
Is something I seek.
It's relieving anytime you speak,
Oh how I love when you sing.
And the way you kiss my lips
kissing you is my favorite way to pass time,
its utterly bliss.

How I love the way we can talk about anything..
I can always be myself!  I never leave
Anything out, whether it maddens or soothes us.

Your soul is intoxicating and radiates a feeling  that calms me.
It is such a wonderful feeling to have you.

I thank God,  every day  for you,
Because you are the only place in this world that I belong.

Our chemistry works without much effort
I think it's because you make me so happy
  As always 3 kisses,  we have made a requirement.
Whenever we make love don't forget those *** sandwiches.
Maybe we should stock up before because by the
end of the sessions, we're always hungry and thirsty.

As I lay in your arms nothing else matters.
Next there is your voice, soft and gentle
It make all the difference.
I don't want anyone else because you are one for me.
It's truly my happily ever after.

Redeem

**** is his
game, fire in his eyes make me feast on what's inside I see his **** smile
he glows from
From all the happiness  that courses through his veins,
How happy he does looks,
now I know he's what it took.
To make me happy and make me scream to make me beg on my knees funny how it is to have a surprise when I get his cream in my eyes.
It's in my nature to be naughty I look at my daddy with,  staring him down knowing I will soon make his frown turned upside down
when I grab him by the **** oh I know isn't it hot!
In my mouth his **** does now slide and its leaking from the tip oh how I want it. it's mine
Oh how lovely I get a treat such a wonderful thing to eat.
A fixation so sweet I'm obsessed with his moans and the way he bucks his hips.
It truly makes me wild to make him satisfied for a little while and then just before he ****.I pull it out of my mouth I slowly lick the tip then a shiver does goes down his spine.then of course I put my whole mouth on it and give him the best ****** of all times.
Yet for I have to get a kiss from him so gently and so soft it makes me feel deeply that I need his ******* **** so you can't come in and find out what other stuff will begin!

Always thinking of you,
It fills my Head with passion  and ***
This beautiful love
I need you in bed.
You are my inspiration my sweet Daddy your so handsome and your intelligent mind
This feeling you give,
is something I seek.
It's just so relieving,
anytime you speak.
I love how you sing,
And kiss my lips,
Kissing you is my favorite way to pass the time.
Oh how I love our talk
Where I can always be myself.
Leaving nothing out,
whether it maddens or soothes us.
Your soul just emits,
an intoxicant that calms me.
And when we touch,
this mood just emgulfs me.
It binds me tight,
locked in your sweet release.
Then time slows down,
til the silence has ceased.
But during that moment,
I've begun to beleive.
That your voice,
is really,
the only one I need.

Your warmth is delightful just  being your arms.
This world seem less stressful when your around.
  Now huge shocker my life has become shattered  beginning to rip into the fabric of my so called life.
How I miss all your affection that you gave me and cuddles soak up like a sponge.
I need you in my life more than you know to be my partner in crime,
The Rock in my life.
The only home I truly know
I cant lose you tho.

Oh my
What is this life
A doomed life
I have to live
a
Agony
I seem to dread
Another reason
To go to bed
A ****** up memory in my head
All the things that they said
A ruined pathway
I have lead
A empty heart
Needing to be fed