my pen writes a few lines
But the words don't come out,
Giving meaning to my thoughts.
My mind gets warped and my thoughts,
Just can't keep up with the ideas that I get.
I think of everything and nothing at all,
As if my head is in a free fall.
No matter how hard I try to concentrate,
The mist in my mind, I can't penetrate.
I close my eyes and try to meditate,
But the emptiness, just doesn't abate.
I give up, maybe some other day,
The mist will clear and show me the way.
I glance through the lines on the page,
And sense they do convey a message.
In the end I am all smiles,
Like ending a journey of endless miles.
Thoughtless words, meaningful lines
Wisdom writes my life

The silence weighs heavy on both of them
He still loves her and she loves him
They once thought they could tame the wind
Now it's a struggle to just be friends
They still go to sleep together every night
But they're no longer holding on tight
Their passion was of a strong desire
Now just watching the embers of a once roaring fire
She lays awake and silently cries herself to sleep
And he lays awake with a pain that is deep
They both hold on despite the way they feel
Trying to make believe that it isn't real
They do nothing but watch love fade
No longer the queen of hearts no longer the ace of spades
They sit in silence with their hearts twisting in the wind
Trying to find away to put the pieces back again
Both wonder if they've reached loves end
No longer lovers and no longer friends
They wonder if that's the way love goes
And now with that distance they seem more like foes

My fire within started in my teens,
The rage of some kids
Bullying me..
It started a flame.
That ignited a blaze
No I could not win..
So I began to fight
I was afraid..
Which filled me with hate.
Not sure whether or not
I would really be okay
It started a battle not with
the kids but the fuel in me
I could not resist..
I started to cut then it became a must for everything that went abust
I consumed this lust for my own blood
Which I felt like a battle around..me that stopped the inner pain
What is this I really gained?
That started to mock me
So I began to lock myself into my room
With a knife and a blaze
I lashed at the wounds
My abuse to myself
Was a relief to my mind
But to the outsider nothing but a crime..

Once people saw my shirt covered by blood
They ask me about it
Not knowing I'd run
To the top of the town
Where that water well was
To sit in my secret place and sink into my thoughts and feelings
There was the reason for me to believe

My cutting wasn't attention to gain but a access to myself to exit my pain ...
So bullying prevention is a must have thing

To keep other kids from going insane....

By Anna Marie Rose Howard
2/6/2016

**** it throbs
My ***** gets moist.
Oh how I wish
To get eaten tonight

My desire is high my thoughts
Array
My hopes of pleasure
Makes me sway

******* are like fine wine
As you start to make me
Grind
My hips are bucking my back goes arched
I start to squirm
My *** now explodes
My juices now drip down your face

You look up at me and say
My goddess how I love your taste
May I have the honor of pleasuring you in every way
Why sure thing my dream guy

Oh how I crave your tongue
I know you want some
Come on do your thing
My how I love this game.

In counseling I wrote a poem
It was a letter to my mom .. Whose if you don't know
Died 4/14/01
  

My mom

Mothers are suppose to be their when their babies need them.

Where were you when I. Needed you ..
Have you forgotten you had children?
Where am I suppose to go.. Who am I suppose to turn to when Im feeling weak when I need my mommy..
I remember your smell
The comfort my head laying on your chest and your fingers in my hair.
Emily and I in the backseat. . you driving. All of us singing loud and full of joy to some country song.
I was 14 when you  died
I need you so bad sometimes

I cry alot .. I lashed out .. I hated you for leaving me .
How is it that I end up being the only kid with no family. .
Treatment for the kid who can't handle her mom dying ..
People wonder why I acted out saying you need to stop these anger outbursts ..
****. I doubt anyone stop and thought maybe its normal that Im having a hard time grieving.. Nope
A therapist and 8 kinds of pills for the list of things I must have

Mom you don't know the war in my head the nightmares I felt ..
The darkness that creeper in
The problem child that fat girl that had anger problems gets out of treatment goes to live with grandparents

The kids at school picked on me .. I had no friends
I run home and grabbed a knife and cut my wrist I screamed. Why did you leave me .. Mom where are u

How any I suppose to live without you..

That was 15 yrs ago

Now Im 30
And Im a **** up just like u were ..
At 25 I got to be 500lbs
With a 2 yr old n a 6 month old ..
I chose ****
5 years later

Im sitting here thinking
You chose ****** and was a needle ******. And died at 42..
I love u I forgive u

I messed up .. I had 4 kids . I lost them i became a needle **** ****** that hates herself. .

Im clean now 17 days
Trying to figure out of to go about talking again to your mom...
My grandma.
Haven't talked to her in 2years..
I don't want her to die with out seeing her.

Well mommy. I love you. And say hi to my poppy and Uncle don !

Love Annare

You have got my heart stuck in a moment of bliss,
If my voice doesn't speak
My thoughts they will leak on to bleached paper.
Behind the covers of this spiral notebook lays my hidden secrets and treasures ..
Chained to their pages
These tears are my imprints in my life
Theses very heartstrings are the fibers that keep my soul interacted!

If only there were people
That would counts stars like I dream of sparkling shards! I could dance in puddles of you

My sweet lover
Stop this agony!