Wouldn't it be heavenly,
if there wasn't so much wrong with me?

I'll never be a mother
I'll never be a wife

The way that I have suffered
I am bound to take my life

Could you just let me lay down for a while
in your great grass green eyes?

He'll brush my tangled hair
like there's no other girls there
Turn on the television
Make me blush and spinning

It still isn't enough
to curb the appetite
Trapped inside the sadness
but the sadness is inside

All of the ugly people
who have dimmed my light
try to cure me
like a disease

I'm still stuck on empty
with no gasoline

I’ll put you on a pedestal
You’re so pretty
You’re so perfect
You’re so cool

I’ll write you a million poems
About the sunlight sparkling in your brown hair

But you’ll never care
because you weren’t the one who put it there

Bubbling up floating around my rose scented mind
Is the daydream of you
and your smile
and your eyes
I’d see them more if you could actually just take the time

But no,
no you’re not really mine

So you fade into the humid morning sticky and sore
Keep me floating forever never reaching the shore
I guess I’ll see you in passing sometimes
(on a good day)
maybe this winter or maybe next may

How do I light a fire within me
A slave to society - the world ending
Like the fires in LA burning to entropy

How can I create vivacity
A shell in the sea - intricate and empty
Like Einstein said conservation of energy
For nothing is created nor destroyed

I’ll always be hollow and void

How can anyone stand to flicker a spark
A broken child - numb in brain and heart
Like a manufactured malfunction
Broken from the start

To be born alone is to die alone
Without a mother, a father, or home

For nothing is created nor destroyed
I’ll always be hollow and void

Sometimes I think if I forget about the problem
It’ll just go away
and it does at least for awhile

Sometimes in spring in Texas when the sun is finally shining
and yet to seek vengeance
on unsuspecting passersby

Summer is hot and dry
I wish I was the mud
Sinking in the stench of Lake Tawakoni
A 6 yrs olds knee high

Sometimes I think if I forget about the problem
It’ll just go away
Winter is Newark, New Jersey
cold and misty and grey
Walking Hoboken Harbor
The great big rotten apple enveloped in a dreamy haze

I used to love when the autumn leaves began to fall

and these are absolutely the only things
my father and I
have in common at all

They all say I need to act my age
I’m so sad I’m full of rage
Everything just stays the same
They can’t believe my mistakes;
“Find a man who’s name you’ll take
And pray to god every day”
“Start a career or be a star”

They told me I could do anything
But I haven’t gotten very far

No money for college
No beauty for fame
No personality
No brain

I’m almost 30 now
Too old to start again

When will it all fall into place?
Am I praying to god?
Or am I praying to space?