I have obvious brain damage.
my perception is distorted
My fingers look foreign. The words come out weird. My internal monologue is stifled.
But I persist.
What's normal to you
Is abnormal to the next guy.
I'll still write a masterpiece with this broken brain;
I'll still see the world with murky eyes.
I've lived much longer than expected.
Everyday is a bonus.
Every new poem, every new song, every new
creation is a miracle.
an act of defiance
I'm glad I've left something - and I'm stronger than I thought

Time is relative.
The future present and past are all one.
Somewhere you've just been born
& Somewhere you are already decreased.
A spaceship could take you to see.
With your lips frozen
And heart still

What were your memories, hopes and dreams?
What did you make it mean?

And why did you ever worry

I've lived a thousand lives
I've sat at thrones
And curled under paper blankets
I've folded my heart
for the vengeful & decadent

I've bled into a gaping chasm
& sold my soul for pennies
, lost all semblance of sanity
incalculable times .
Despaired at the scenic
destruction of a planet amidst competing interests.
Gouged out my eyes so I could see
Suckled at the teet of angels, &
tortured by ravenous imps
smattered in black sorrow.

I have lived,. And I have died.
I exist.
And I see the silver lining.
Somewhere behind the great curtain

In a floating orb
With hands outstretched and
a severed tongue
Crying at the stairs. Bleeding into the night
Hysterical
And assaulted with the bleak reality of an
existence spent blind
I want to see you and understand
I want to love without hurting
Light without the abyss
I am here, and I've been
waiting for something to finally make
sense
because the pain is beyond all
comprehension

Feels good to write something
Feels good to remember that I can still speak
I still feel something
whilst floating in this spirit world
I don't know how long I have
But I still have my words

Feel free

Feel the tingly sensation in my abdomen
I feel the nauseaus spirit envelop my carapace

I see the old one walking along the deep divide

I feel free
And everything is stale
Depleted dopamine
Latching onto routine, burning it down with spontaneity
I like living, I really do, but only when it's without
restraint
Always remember that you're gonna die, and fairly soon too
Freedom isn't free

Generated on September 12

**** out a window
Took a **** in a coffee mug

Whipped a baby with cordage

"The payment is due on excursion"
Lamenting lost youth

Eyes of fire
Palestine  is like a bowl of guava

I voted 6 months early
Disqualified for the pale legion

Have you checked up on yourself lately?

Read the signs
Do what's right

Take a loan out
Give to everyone
Get nothing back

It's the way of heaven

Doesn't know I exist
Under a bed somewhere
Sweltering heat
Still & quiet
Dreary like a window pane

I walked to the beach earlier & saw
the crowd
Waves hit the precipice
Yesterday was one of the best days in a while
Today felt like real death
Stale & hopeless
Full of regret
I'm sorry for what I am

the horror eclipses anything I could've possibly imagined
I've been punished all through this life
for nothing
As a kid I was good hearted, I felt sympathy and compassion,
now I take comfort in the downfall of my fellow
man
or at least feel apathetic in their misfortune
I'm a sociopath; I only look out for my gain.
I wasn't wired this way initially but I learned to adapt
Now that I'm nearing 30
I hope for a modicum of peace, and if not for hope, I'll make it that way
I don't put my faith in a god or higher power because it's only managed to fail me innumerable times
But despite the set backs, I win.
I was set to die and yet here I am.
30
Ancient
Full of self assuredness, invulnerable to the torment, hard as steel
Thirty
You ******* tried and failed

Now every day after is a bonus.
I love me

& I love you too. Sometimes

It's 5:32 and I'm awake
as I hear my neighbor stepping into his truck to go lay gravel

I've been touching myself and reminiscing
I've been hungry for 2 hours but my brother is sleeping on the couch and I don't wanna disturb him making a tuna melt

My situationship
Is nearing its end.  She's not in the mood anymore, so they say; 'not feeling well'
Perfectly ambiguous
I'm not feeling well yet I still comfort you when you threaten suicide on a near weekly basis

I'm looking out the window now and I see trees
I see nowhereland and faint murmuring, the screams of my future vessel
Saying get out

I must get out
and find a new way
Somewhere towards life

I thought Id have 13 kids and live in a castle
With a fat *****
On my lap

I thought Id have a gold suit in Napa
I thought Id have a car
And food

I thought I'd be a democrst and vote for the candidate that resembles my nephew

I thought Id ride a bike
I thought I'd **** myself and eat a moose
I thought Id touch my ***** and get a paper wet

I thought Id think I thought
I thought I'd be asleep by now
I thought Id do something productive
I thought Id be a human
I thought Id be a ghost like them
I thought Id be a contender
I thought I'd be forgiven

I heard the tune goes like
la laa laa nah da daa
the trombone fish breath make mint filth frolickers
And gnome nosed needled toes take the token
Too far
la daa nah dahh lee nah
Happenstance and zero hour
awake for a pedigree deciple
Green brown black
Heart attack
Laughing like a dog it's time for a snack
Don't look back
Laa dee dahhh ***** laa dee

The crumpled fist, and the removed go seeking their Messiah
I put dusk in your lungs
Youre dead to me
Dead like my future

Derelict in the chu chu
  frightened by life
pig **** scraped up in the bile vacuum
Your ***** half-hanging
g your ******* loose
a jar of flies
& Clown juice
13 halves  & 1 whole spectrum of decay

The warring tribes silently plunder the peaceful nation
admist negotiations of embezzled money
the small hat crowd throws bombs on hospitals of children
The violin player sits with his mistress singing songs about
Satan
& His bewilderment
The ****** and unfucked go devirgining the congregation of small eyed
fairies
Im still awake,
And it's 3:46
And I have nothing to do
Im now completely cooked
So they say
I wish I was a supernova star

It's late in the morning
And my eyes are on you

Someone is talking in the other room
About Russia

We're leaving our robes on and walkong into the grass

Let me follow you today

As long as I'm awake
I'll still be sleeping
Wondering what went wrong with my soul

My body is failing in sense
got.liquid ****
Or that could be the onion rings and chicken fingers

My **** is obscured by a sock of fat
My feet are like that of an ox
I can **** but it takes a hefty heave
Tongue on my nuts
I have a deaf baby here
Golden arches

I genuinely want to die.

The hotlines don't help
The hospitals and doctors throw drugs at you
People are only sympathetic to a point then offer their platitudes;
how dare you feel ill and disillusioned.
Yes I've tried exercise, I've been lifting for 12 years
Yes, I've tried walking, i have 2 legs.

I know I'll feel better. But right now I could be put down like a dog.
Years of agony and I've only gotten weaker. But we persist because we're stubborn, and surely
stupid.
I look forward to the midnight sun.
Beautiful as always

I know I'm saying goodbye now
It's why I kept my reservations because I knew we'd get here, even through all the intimate moments, it's always just talk.
Just the next time you say you belong to someone I hope you remember me.
Looking into their hopeful eyes knowing full well you have no intention of honoring the promise.
**** my life.

I'm too old to care, yet here I am

Brain is full of ****
Feel like I'm looking at a ***** mirror
This screen
seems smudged even though it isn't
the words are spinning in faint coherence

Im so tired of it all
I'm not even 30 & I already feel condemned.
I keep losing friends and acquaintances and 'love' and continue to rot
    in still motion.
I'm flabby and muscles are beginning to atrophy;
My cat ****** on my leg.
I ****** a hamster
And some drifter for a ticket to moulin rouge.
I took a risk the other day though; I'm going to set out and travel. It's what I've always wanted.
See the world from the eyes of a stranger.
I've dreamed 10 lives and I have another 9 to waste.
And this one was given away

Gonna spill the guts
& lick the *****
& eat the liver
And pack the belly full of sand
and dance in the sun. & cry
in the moon
& parade in the afternoon. And
**** the ******.
tight and painful
And spit on the idol
cold and pale
_& dance along the street
& pray to false prophets
& bleed for &
agonize over dreams of salt
running towards nowhere
running towards the infinite

.
What more is left

Alone in the woods
The crickets chirp
The moonlight spills into the tent
My head aches a little
But I feel good

Full body shivers,
The pillow is nice and
my back is stiff along the dirt floor
As it should be

I'm still one man out here
But I feel free
And I feel a little broken
But that's fine too
I never wanted to be perfect

Nobody belongs to me
You don't belong to me
I wish you did, I wish this was permanent but love is temporary like life itself
It's conditional
I get sick and withdraw as a result and I feel you pull back
I see your performative displays, pictures for everyone but me
Attention elsewhere the second I don't supply it
And I'm content;
I already knew this, but it still hurts.
It hurts knowing that all we built were words
You'll never be mine,
It was just my turn

Your smile was brilliant
like a snow dust portrait in the fall

I could see you then, alive, full of something.
Life hadn't beaten you down yet..
Your smile, still vibrant,
and the pain merely implied.
You had so much more to do; I'm sorry you didn't get to see it.
But I'll take this burden from you. & you
can live with the angels

I'm living in a sort of dissociated daze
I don't feel real. I don't feel the warmth or love or intimate affection that I used to amongst supposed romantic partners. I feel detached and dizzy, ill.
I've gone through this before however, countless times. Numerous personality changes. I was different a month ago, more assured, more positive and in a spiritual frame of mine. Now I'm slightly nihilistic with a lingering fantasy for homicide; I wonder how it'd feel stabbing and gutting someone because I know it'd be like stabbing myself; we're all manifestations of the same spirit (energy). You're me, and I'm you. When you take a **** in the morning , I feel you expending that waste.

But this is rambling. I guess the point is im here and I'm getting tired with these life circumstances. I am merely existing;, and the remedy is to live spontaneously. I don't want to die with regrets. I made it to 30 (almost). Time to see if it was all worth it. But really it's nothing too serious. It's a joke really; give up, and find freedom. Let it all go, let all the prejudice die. Youre not what society or your parents expect from you; you are a being of free agency, alive and in the present, beautiful, fearless, unmolested, still born

I am a nothing man,
I sore amongst the eagles. I play with the itinerate dish wash band, I plant my seeds in the field of excess.
I watch your governments crumble and your
women ***** themselves for pocket change;
I see the rolling hills and the divide and cascade and assorted minutia.
I may not have much but I have time, and time only exists in the mind. So why cry

God is here
He's got a big face
There's children in the garage
This is wasting ink
Writing for a son
Nowhere to be found

Put a fist up my head
Saw 3 truths
1 about blowing smoke
2 about talking to strangers

Hopefully I can find the meaning down the road
I'm a little sick
And it's whatever
This time it's now

Awake with pain in this place
Couldn't dream was crying in a disaster place
Reluctant to shed light when wounded
I **** your god with a knife & your daughter
with a smile
Be conscious

I have very low self esteem
This is very apparent

feel



Sitting on a porch
Grossed out by the black and unwillingness to try
Ive been defeated
So sad the battle is




I'm sorry to my love
I'm a coward
Because I don't even have the ***** to say it
It's sad


Gonna publish this
So painfully self aware
So uptight
**** rententive
The abuse is evident
Let go
Little boy
It's okay
It's all okay
I love you
Be strong
Existence is something

Mushrooms
My lady is staring at me with love
Bono is being weird
I wrote a little poem
This is fun
I probably have brain stuff
Profoundly profound. . Jnndmrkrke jdj

Thank you Lord I can be homeless in the USA
I can sleep on park benches in Malibu
And ******* in public parks
Thank you God
For the EBT and hospitality
Free food and good weather
Cali is paradise
I can rot in the sunset and watch the hordes commute to their dead end job
I can watch the world crumble
As I eat a big Mac
I am truly
Privileged
Thank you for the clean water and good *****
My ***** is here now
Life is fine, if you live it
& If you stop thinking
about it

She was truly perfect. Body like aphrodite
6ft tall, freckled nose and radiant eyes like a forest
Then she told me something
And now sleeping next to me she's like a stranger
5 months like that. I wish I knew sooner. And now I'm angry at God because I know I can't do better. I just wanted it to work but now it can't.
And to think her name was Hope

Feeling the steel on my temple and the trigger locked around my finger
There's no relief
I've already been dead for years
This feels redundant
and with none of the fan fare I was hoping
Now I smile

Sick of everything
Sick of the world and people and her and myself and my cat and my musical mediocrity
Sick of living

Sick of the torturous routine
Sick of not getting better

What is 'better'?

Wanna sleep for eternity but instead I write at 4 am
Too many tears have been spilled on this
Too many dreams manifest into nightmares
My escape is a quick pull
& my love will be permanent

Don't forget to forget me.
I know you will

So hollow and void
My intentions are sinister or mostly indifferent;
I treat you like garbage because Im void of concern, apathetic, cold
You are merely an experience on this meandering train wreck of an existence
You will be discarded, or you will leave, makes no difference

The paper crumbles and the ink swells. I see my self in you. When I still believed in love; I'm sorry
You haven't learned, it's not my problem. Beautiful one
. Not my problem you had faith in me

I'm a stranger, unknown, unaccounted for.
My face is blurry and lingers on a bulletin board in a dull
Cafeteria
I am hurt and forgotten
I'm the one you don't even bother to ignore

I pick up my heart and plead to the voices
I have a semblance of a soul but it is mostly revoked,; the calls for death smother my mind with an acute numbness

I will walk along the glass to face them
And I will be recognized even if it means that I become nothing

through the fog i see you, still & alone
Your face is a radiant blue
I miss you
Even though I no longer know you
I remember the silk waves and the sunny
disposition
I remember the screams into nothing
My soul is still searching
for what we had
so perfect in its imperfection

god is up there somewhere
The crackers below the sheets
The hard nail embedded
Dying every second
Every 2 seconds leaking into a puddle

I can only stand so much
I can only be whipped with so many ropes,
Tethered in my frame, immersed in cope

I only know what I don't know
I only feel what I feel. And it feels like hurt,
And burning, and agony, and despair and
understanding

So hopeful
And weary
I cannot feel my hands
My hands are cold and stiff

I kiss you somewhere over
Here
Then make my way to the partition

I cannot see straight
I wringe my collar of the desecrated
tears
My serpent speaks
To make love is to **** and penetrate
Stab deep into your wound
And dessicate
Annihilate with fury
My overtone sweet with faith and sophistry
Now is the time to wonder
Were you always this innocent?

Want to scream cry
Cannot love you because you are flesh
Cold to the bone
You are neurons and fibrous twitch muscles
There's not much there
Just some blood and color
I love you
But that means I live with delusion
I love you but that means
I can't see straight
I fold up my clothes
And walk to the garden

There's a strung up bird singing to me
To love is
To never have answers, suspended in uncertainty
& I'm tired of uncertainty

this life isn't meant to be quiet
the damp roses cannot sustain monotony
To sit idle is too betray aeons and perpetuate suffering
knowing too much led me to thinking too much
The perspicacious dancer dances for oneself
Look out into the light and see what is there,
Stop dreaming for tomorrow
Tomorrow was yesterday
And it's too soon

My love is broken. It's like a fragile linen

I want to love but I'm led along empty streets
& The vermin pick at my feet
If I needed something I would ask
But I guess
I'd rather rot alone

The slow ones
don't hesitate; there's nothing to gain

Pennies hang in the balance
lions roar in a cathedral of liars
the smoke bellows out the infant's crested lung
THE permeable saints make way for the dung serpents
Another man died tonight
and I couldn't care less
just do it next time, and with conviction

I went down and ****** the *****
sour & sweet
Self- assured, I wiped the dust and went to work
I shot my manager in the face and ***** the hr lady named Susan; her abominable raisin salad triggered me
Then I laid in bed.
I picked a scab and went to sleep. I love all children like my own.
& god bless you

I hope I meet god so I can spit in his face.
I hope I meet Satan
so I can show him real torturous cruelty
I hope I meet a child so I can say I'm sorry
I hope I meet a mother so I can ask who are you?
I hope I can meet an animal to ask why it's so calm in the face of death
I hope I can meet a star to see where its black heart resides
I hope I can smile when there's nothing left of us
And the tears flow into the dark abyss with everything else, lost & unsure

It's getting harder but easier all at the same time
I stand in a haze; no longer performative
It used to be an act but I entertain the flies like worn out hazards
Maybe the reason you hate yourself is because it reminds you of what you can't have, which included me
& The days of confusion.
I'll go now

Avante garde in the sense that meaning is an accident
If I shot myself now
I could only wonder if you ever truly loved me
Or if it was conditional like everything else,,;

Was on top of a hill sort of mountain in a wooden castle and started  carrying wood to the bottom of the hill to a location at the end of a long strip of gravel road. There I began stacking the wood.
At some point someone called the police on me because I assume I looked like a transient stealing wood with my shirt off.
Back at the fort I saw police cruising by, one faintly a woman, so I ran back to the wood pile. There I found a shed with assorted food items mostly canned stuff which I presume was left in case of an emergency or just stored by passerbys and people donating.
Then at some point I saw a *** with a shaved head in an alley nearby, he said
"Are you new? Is this your first time?"
I looked back with a scornful look
"It's been a week"
"Nice cannibal corpse shirt" he muttered as he puckered his lips walking towards me and then finally touching me.
I then reached out and grabbed his neck and choked with all my might and then proceeded to punch him numerous times, but he kept advancing towards me.
I then grabbed a football helmet laying on the ground and proceeded to bash him in the head with it, crushing it, and his head somehow became decapitated in the process and rolled away so I put it on top of his belly.
I then woke up around this time and went to get wood for a fire

I made a quesadilla
With some anchovies and ham with some eggs waffles and syrup & a glass of chocky milk
My belly is full
& my **** aches
Tomorrow I shall go out fishing in the prairie; my cat
Died and I'm tired of sitting around. It gets heavy in this heart , it gets hot in this
cage
The longer i stand the more I
suffocate

All women are ******
Makes your interactions a million times easier;
I won't give you anything, and I have zero expectations. You're as ephemeral as the morning fog and I'm glad when
you'll eventually leave
, but for right now the dog is barking at its master at 2am
Don't ever beg ,
don't ever grieve

Life is like one bad dream on repeat

I forget all the faces, and it's mildly amusing on recall
Somewhere I jumped off a building
and caressed a nun then became president, and for what
Just to suffer

The only good part of life is ***
And it's barely good
and a mere bargaining token

I sleep to get away from the dreaming;
The best
Is when you remember nothing, and that's where I'll be when I'm dead, you can be in heaven

Swiftly and unapologetically,
my favorite God wrote poetry for the fabled liturgical society
If I heap trash on the pile maybe I can be surmised for my genius as well

Blue is red and red is yellow

Tonight the stakes shall impale the treasonous
Interlopers

Let none see our folly; the earth is due for its poisoning

& I took a **** on a baby
Yesterday while
the windows were not open