they
are
usually
called
'step-mothers'
i
call
mine
the
'step-monster'

I'm afraid our love will fade, with each passing day.

5200 days ive been living.
452 days ive been thinking taking it.
60 days ive almost gone through.
will
i
make
it
to
52001?
who knows... maybe i won't want to.

For you My Dear,
I would give you the world, or die trying.

You My Dear, are never the reason i'm crying.

My Dear, I have saved you once, and i would
save you again.

But know, you owe me nothing.

For You My Dear, i have a different kind of love.

You bring me joy under the sun.

I hate to hear you struggle,
I hate for you to think i am abusive
and cold.

For You My Dear,
I
Am
Open.

Openness is my kind of love for you.

I Love You.

For him, i feel differently than you.

He can break me, just as you, into two.

For Him, I long to be near.

For You Dear, I feel the same.

But the nearness i yearn for, for you both...

Are on different planets.

You are always going to be,
The one person i know will love me forever.

He, i hope and i pray, that him and his promises will stay.
But there have been so many hims, but hopefully, he is it.

But You My Dear, Are Altogether Another Thing.
My
Love
For
You,
Is
Innocently
Pure.

For Him,
I want things, thoughts that have just barely begun.
With him i want to share extravagant things.

But My Dear Sweet Child,
You
Come
Down
To
All
I
Need,
If
He
Shall
Fail.

moving on auto-pilot
i walk to the bathroom
run the bath
grab the pills
shake off the doubt
grab a knife
swallow the pills
get ready to end your life
slit-wrist to elbow-both arms
slide to the bottom
moving on auto-pilot

as she walked out of that door,
she took all my emotions,
the love, the hate, all of them
now im stuck here trying to
find me,  without her
and i know that this 'me'
wont be as good as the last,
even though the last wasnt
good either.

A billion pieces of my heart.
Ten Million constantly nagging thoughts.
One Million thoughts about him.
One Hundred Thousand regrets.
Ten Thousand  wishes.
One Thousand ways to die.
One Hundred  times  dying goes through my head.
Ten  things that would be my last thoughts
One mind, heart, all very much dead.

a
song
i
will
never
be
able
to
love
again...

you say im the most important,
and i end up second.

i've spent so much time
loving you
and now that i've found
my self-respect
and i'm ready to move
onto the next,
i find myself lost
in a state of confusion
because for the past
three years
i've just focused on you
and now
i don't know how
to feel for another  
man

they get everything handed to them
and i get everything ripped from me.
but that's how it goes, i guess.
they'll get the perfect job,
psh, more like sleeping with the boss.
i'll get the perfect job,
work my way to the top.
all blood, sweat, and tears,
breaking all of my fears.
those stories are the best right?
the one where the trillionaire
made herself, she couldn't
get a break, and then she decided
that she didn't need one,
and that instead of ******* her
way to the top,
she took it.
she didnt have
the best childhood,
in fact, she doesn't
talk to her family,
she lives in luxury.
something she's never
had before.
they may have everything handed to them,
but if its given, is it really theirs?
because doesn't that mean that whoever
gave it to them, has the power to take it away.
and i may get everything ripped from me,
but, one day, they will have everything
ripped from them,
and i shall finally be at peace.

your haunting me...
******* the life out of me.
you look at me with a look in your eyes
and i cant tell what that look is.
i maybe could have before,
but now its like i never knew you.
but these days i see a flicker,
you seem more... the you i knew.
less fake, i dont know.
maybe it's wishful thinking...