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Little changes are adding up like the
Drip drop of water that pools in the bathroom sink
from a rusty metal tap not quite stoppered.

And I am glad it is opened.

I am glad to look up from the little pool of changes turned large
To flick my eyesight skywards and head on into the mirror that steams up with condensation as I breathe

and I'm me

I breathe, and I know I am alive.
I look in this mirror and just like all the water droplets I see all the changes

And they're in me.

The tap is gushing freely since the day I took control
I took residence in the drivers seat and found the courage to twist the metal between my fingers and let it be how it is to be

And I am healthy

I see lights in my eyes again
I see a shine in my hair
I see new length to it too
I see clothes chosen with flair

I see colour flood my skin and a smile that shows teeth
I see red painted lips and weight off my hips
I see confidence in my stance, upright and straight
I see peace and tranquility less smothered by hate

But most of all, and finally
I see what I have always wanted
I see, and I know that if I am not free
I am soon to be

(I see recovery.)
Thought I picked a puppy from a litter
A Great Pyrenees - built for the winter,
but as we left for home in my Chevy Blazer
I realized you picked me - did me a favor

Crawled all over me as I tried to drive
Put you in the backseat, or so I tried
Stared into my heart with big, brown eyes,
and I gave in after your second whine

What to call you? How to decide?
Oh, how my resolve now defied
Your miniature bear face demanded something strong
Your name hit me before too long

We grew up in North Carolina
on a ten acre farm right on the line of
a forest where we'd go hunting
for something that was better than nothing

Moved to Virginia where we sized down
where you could be a dog and not hunting hound
Either or, you always stayed faithful
No longer a puppy, but still so playful

Then, I noticed your back legs growing weak
Thought you were sick and would be better next week
Bear, I'm so sorry I didn't take you to the vet
I wasn't ready to let go just yet

There's a hole in my heart and my lap's gone cold
from where, at night, your head called home
I wish I'd taken just enough care
to tell you one last time: "Good boy, Bear"
Monday I had to bury my best friend - my dog. I am ridden with guilt for thinking he was just sick with a cold, or just getting old. I feel like such ****. I'm so sorry, buddy. I'm so sorry...
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