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Earthen Heart Nov 2020
Children in backyards playing in the sunshine of summertime;
Swing sets and trampolines, ***** feet and scarred knees.
Wandering through the forest, free to be explorers;
Sleeping in tents always made the most sense.
Those were some good days, living in our old place.

Come winter, we’d jump out of bed, gather the sleds;
Adventures to the big hill, always a thrill.
Snowball fights on starry nights
Until we were satisfied, then warmed by the fireside.
Those were some fun days, living in our old place.

As we got older, life seemed colder;
From my brothers, my father and my mother
The distance increased and the days ceased
When we would play and it was all okay.
Those were some lonely days, living in our old place

Depression visited me too young, the isolation wasn't fun;
Eleven years old, I was sternly told
That of it I should not speak, life became excessively bleak.
Overcome with sadness, an innocent girl navigating through the madness.
Those were some hard days, living in our old place.

Wondering where all the love went and the quality time spent,
Lacking a meaningful connection, absent of familial affection.
Alone in a poorly lit bedroom, experiencing psychological gloom.
Riddled with confusion and fear, everything became more unclear.
Those were some scary days, living in our old place.

We moved on our separate ways, trying to land a job that pays
And find friends who would make amends
To my broken heart, offering a brand new start.
But nothing quite compared to the love that I had for you...
During all those good days, living in our old place.

Maybe emotional neglect has a lifelong effect,
Remaining difficult to let go of the hurt that continued to grow
When I was only a child. Still longing to be reconciled
While learning how to cope, forever holding on to hope
Throughout these restless days, living in our new place.
Earthen Heart Nov 2020
My Mother:

I ground my feet into Her
Gaze up at Her mountain peaks, tree tops and blue skies
Taste Her springs, swim in Her seas
Feel Her Love embrace me in the air that I breathe
Caressing my body, filling my lungs.
Her light brings life
Her dark brings depths of emotion
She blinds me yet helps me see so clearly
She inspires,
Fulfills my heart’s desires
Which is simply to feel Her
Underneath and all around me.
Earthen Heart Nov 2020
Staring at my phone, feeling kind of alone, getting a little ******.
It’s ok to be on my own at night, there’s glow from the moon light.
Although I don’t see her yet, I must not fret
Over the lack of her face, she’ll soon present me with grace;
Showing me in all her glory what’s the meaning of this story.
Wondering what it’s all about, head often filling with doubt;
Sometimes overcome with fear when the vision isn’t clear.
It’s been blurry due to thoughts being in such a hurry.
Always on the go, but not often in a meditative flow
Or honoring the moment as I should because the divine owns it
And so much in it is blessed.
Why do I feel stressed? Depressed? Out numbered?  Outweighed?
I still often feel shame, or lost, as if I don’t know my own name.
My identity is in constant fluidity.
This is just me, maybe it’s how I’m meant to be...
As long as I survive, live and thrive
In one way or another. Give love to my mother,
A gift for her upon my birth, Entering Earth.
And then I looked into her eyes, asking her my consistent “why’s”
Until it seemed in vain to repeat the same
Question over and over again upon realizing that I need to begin
Listening to the answers inside my heart, allowing the uncertainty to finally depart.
And here comes my father, who’s words have helped me get stronger.
Told me not to give up, told me not to stop
Simply due to frustration And a combination
Of my own lack of confidence and consciousness.

The stars in the sky tell me everything will be fine.
It’ll be okay, I won’t be led astray.
Comfort the light brings as the cicadas sing
In the tree tops and the fear stops.
I can breathe in the air, feel the earth beneath;
Sometimes life isn’t fair.
Despite the darkness who stares Into my soul, I’ll again become whole
If that’s what I seek; The truth I wish to hear speak
Once more to my heart space.
All that’s required is to trek on through the muck and the mire.
I was once wild until I lost touch with my inner child:
The adventurer within.
And it slowly begins to sink in that I found her here
In the absence of fear.
Engulfed in the night, it’ll be alright.

“Remember to pray, it really helps.
Look in the mirror
And say you love yourself.
Rewrite your story.
The journey itself is the point.”

With the intention for spiritual freedom and heart healing
I departed to the woods for their good tidings.
No expectations but love from the trees,
Themselves and their falling leaves
to the Earth’s floor.
I remember now -
From the Earth’s floor is where I find my freedom,
The kind the Divine Kingdom brings to the wandering soul
Seeking out the presence of it;
The shining light within the darkness, the darkness itself...
The one I no longer run from
Because I do not fear
For the path is illuminated,
Clear to walk on
As the vegetation is free to grow all around
With no tread trampling upon it.

The fear within to begin
Was only a deterrence from that which the soul desires
For often reoccurrence.
Rewrite your story;
Remember the mystical drive on the parkway that came again today.
Fog ahead, fog in the mirror.
And I finally hear her voice echoing to the depths of my being:
You’re no longer alone as this Earth we both roam
Together heart to heart, we never part.

Love is here. Love is clear. Get into gear. Get out of fear.
Earthen Heart Oct 2020
Owl eyes, won’t tell me lies -
Wisdom they plant within, let the journey begin
Of self discovery, Spiritual recovery.
How does it feel to fly
So quietly
Through all darkness to find your sustenance?
Teach me your ways, lessons to utilize for the rest of days
I have much to learn -
How to discern
When to give myself permission
To be still and listen.

Owl eyes, this darkness seems like my demise
But, you see so clearly in the condition that seems to nearly
**** me;
So threatening, never ending.
Lift me up on your wings; show me the beauty that nighttime brings.
Dissolve my life long delusion riddled with psychological confusion.
The dark descends to create contrast right alongside the downcast
Soul
As it waits to become whole.
When the shadows appear,
The light is always near.

Owl eyes, it is often difficult to visualize
That I, too, can navigate through the darkness
and appreciate
The uncomfortable lessons which emanate from depression
Rather than wrestling with my mind, leaving me tired and blind
Closing my eyes, deep breathing, releasing sighs
Feeling the breeze, slowly carrying away this disease.
Earthen Heart Oct 2020
Pen clutched
Mind rust
Turns to dust

It’s all oblivion
Black as obsidian
The cave once lived in

Come out
Roam about
Do not count

The stars
Or past scars
Or passing cars

It’s all too much
Or feels like such
Emotions flush

Out your eyes
With cries
And tear filled sighs

Sadness will come
Doesn’t mean you’re done
Drive west towards the sun

Happiness ensues
With looming views
This I choose

Freedom is here
Divine Spirit near
It’s finally clear
Earthen Heart Aug 2020
Want you to be okay
Tell me won’t you stay
We’ll find a way
Side by side down this path
Running from the devils wrath
And the painful aftermath
I don’t know what will happen to us
But remember we’re made of stardust
Carry on, we must
Until we are summoned
By the light of the sun
And we become one
With Mother Earth and Father Sky
But now it’s alright to cry
I cannot deny
That tomorrow
Will bring more sorrow
But you can always borrow
Some happiness from me
Just sit still and let it be
I’ll help you see
All the storms inside
That penetrate your mind
leaving you feeling left behind
Psychologically homeless
Please know this
That I often reminisce
On all the times we’ve shared
And i still care
I’ll always be there
For you when you’re falling
When the demons come calling
Baby I’m all in
Been my rock for so long
I see you trying to be strong
There is nothing wrong
With needing someone to lean on
When you feel you don’t belong
I’ll keep singing this song
Telling you that it’s okay
To feel this way
Tomorrow is a brand new day
You’re never alone
Don’t have to be out on your own
You can call me your home.
For my life partner --- since 5.14.08
Earthen Heart Aug 2020
Feelings of sorrow today
may not be around tomorrow.
Maybe melancholy is the cue that there's inner work to do.
Wondering if I'd feel any different without a quarantine;
Coming to conclude that the constant imagination of an alternative reality is what is holding me down.
Maybe I need to think about right now... Be Here Now
Alone, quiet with my own soul;
no one else accompanying me in my mind, nowhere else that I'd hide

Attachments - When I'm holding on too tightly
I'm not fully alive

So then I send out my requests to the Universe:
Great Spirit, with your Fire
Cleanse me of all impurities
Suppressing all evil
Restore life once again
Reignite my inner flame
Resurrecting my spirit unto Yours.
I was raised as an evangelical Christian; we always observed Easter Sunday. This was the first year I wasn't observing it from a Christian perspective, but more a universal spiritual belief I suppose.
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