Denxai Mcmillon

Denxai Mcmillon Apr 2022

Pining

A tree may not know
What the sky looks like above
Envy takes its hold

circumstance is a cruel man

Denxai Mcmillon Apr 2022

I remember.
I.
Remember.

When this glass was full.
A chalice of kindness
Overflowing from a bottom never seen

A bottom that has since been visited
and
woefully
is being visited again.
I wonder,
How long until I can place my fingers around the edge of this pool?
How long until the depth of my joy
Is rivaled only warmth of the sun?
Will my feet forget that the bottom of this vessel
rough as the chip on my shoulder?

I haven't forgotten the view over this horizon.
It's foggy.
But
I swear to God
that I'll remember
that
I.
Remember.

I swear to god, I won't die until after I write half full.
Denxai, 2022

#lost

Denxai Mcmillon Dec 2021

Transfer of the power of fear.

I have always had a fear of heights.
I was reckless when i was young
skirting the edge of my fear while laughing
I never knew where it came from
It's still here as an adult but I think I figured out why
I always knew that falling was bad
Off a stool down the stairs
out of bed
I always knew falling was bad.
Today,
I think I know why the small child that built me
Hated heights
I wanted to jump
If it hurt enough everything would stop hurting
that fear of falling is still bad
But it's the fear of falling not because I want to plummet
But because i want to stay grounded
its still fear but because for the first time it's self preservation

Denxai Mcmillon Nov 2021

Idiosyncrasy

I am an animal lover
Lover of rain
Fuzzy blankets
And
Hiking

What that doesn’t tell you is
I get lonely when there’s only one light on
I don’t like the smell of gasoline like I did
I was attacked by a close friend and changed
We try so hard to itemize our lives for love
Something I don’t have the energy for
Platitudes that make me desirable.
I don’t want that

Denxai Mcmillon Nov 2021

Crabgrass

Concrete
Barrier between seed and sky.
A wall blocking the path of least resistance
Yet here we are
Pressing,
pushing
and
eventually,
eventually
passing
Not all beauty is plastered in flowers.
Some beauty is in our simple appearance on the side under the sky

#growth

Denxai Mcmillon Nov 2021

Give

I'll give you more.
More of me,
More of what you want
I'm a marionet
You're the minstrel.
I'll give you what you want to see,
'cause I know you don't want to see me.

So,
I'll give you more.
More of me,
but behind the movement of strings
There's a whole me
You will never see.

#family #loss

Denxai Mcmillon Nov 2021

Waterfall

Cadence
Has always seemed odd to me
Falling casually into pattens of speech
Pressing my words together
As if a breath is something I may never find
Colliding combinations of chaotic,
cascading,
Words
Pressed permanently through pressed lips
Pulsating the air
Puncturing silence purposing
Punctuation’s predominant purpose is
Silence.
To end, needless, nonsensical ramblings.
I want to walk, willingly,
from a wriggle in my mind
To a writhing sense of wonder.
Let me speak quickly
Let me fumble over words
Let me speak,
Even if no one is listening

#anxiety