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Denxai Mcmillon Aug 2015
As I sit in this bathroom stall trying to figure out what I should do next buying a gun and testing my point blank aim is seeming like a very appealing idea.
Denxai Mcmillon Aug 2015
I'm a prime example that no matter how "good" a person seems they could very well be a terrible one.
I molested my best friend
and the person I love,
the person I vowed to protect.
Obviously,
I lost her.
Throw shade
hate me,
come to my house and **** me,
tell me in the comments
how you'd do it.
I don't care.
I know exactly how wrong I was.
It's been three days since
and the words
"Its ******* traumatizing"
are playing through my head whenever I'm alone.
Beyond losing the woman I love,
she told me there's a chance we could be friends again,
I don't deserve it in the slightest.
I know that.
I know
and
I can't stop hoping that is true.
I am worthless.
I am quick to say
treat others with respect.
The hypocrite of the millennia award goes to me.
The world would be a better place
if my skull were to paint the pavement.
Who knows.
The only thing
keeping me from killing myself
is that I promised you I wouldn't.
On the other hand
I've broken one of the most important promises
I've made to you.
So why not break one more?
  Aug 2015 Denxai Mcmillon
Juneau
social justice activists
online P.C. warriors
are ending free speech
Denxai Mcmillon Aug 2015
Extensive and seemingly endless,
the range of human language
Nor the art of stringing words together like a seemstress of letters,
nothing
Nothing perfectly describes,
in full detail,
the amount of damage per second
dealt to the human spirit
due to the inevitable, heartbreak.
Heartbreak is a truly broad description of the feast of sadness.
For your drink
sip the pain of disappointment.
As for a starter
You get misdirected anger
An entrée of
Vacant thoughts
For desert it has to be
Long term absentness.
Nothing,
nothing at all compares
to this pity filled meal.
Personally, I would rather
Fight a bear bare handed
Catch a horseshoe with my lower jaw
Then be subjected to death by a sadistic firing squad.
But heartbreak is so broad.
  I know I've said it twice.
From the loss of a pet/person
To the spiritually shattered
And the ever present,
Romantic heartbreak.
a Shakespearean tragedy
playing like the fifty year old vhs copy
of Charlotte's web
at the department of motor vehicles.
I whiteness the death of "I love you"
I know I'll miss simple things more than the bigger ones.
Like your hands.
I know I'll miss your hands.
I'd rather smash my fingers one by one with a sledge hammer
than experience
the "thrill" of intertwining
them into anyone else's hand.
I'm an idiot
I'm stupid in love
But if our "fire" died to you,
Know that to me;
Flames creep through me like California wildfires,
With each exhale
I expell the chard remains
of who I was as I grow with you,
With each inhale I feed the fire fresh air and with every step
I leave embers in my wake.
I love you
God, I love you.
I'm not ready to sip from the basin of defeat.
I never will be.
I'll burn until my skin melts
I'll burn until the gravity of my love swallows the world around me
I'll burn until super nova
I'll burn until I implode into a black hole
to keep you by my side
Denxai Mcmillon Aug 2015
Somewhere beyond the horizon,
Somewhere beyond my field of view
There is an ever lasting hope
That when I pass it
Or
When I turn
I'll see you.
Denxai Mcmillon Aug 2015
It's not my place to care who you end up with.
It's not my place to get hung up on it.
It's not my place.
But I hate him.
I hate him more every time you say his name.
But if it happens I'll be less than surprised.
Denxai Mcmillon Aug 2015
Please, call me back.
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