01:52 am
have you ever asked yourself like why you so lonely?*

01:53 am
or empty?

that maybe you give too much of your essence to people and never leave any of you for yourself

01:55 am
i know i do

02:05 am
and like that's maybe why i get so attached to humans

because in them,
i find myself

02:07 am
i need to change, because things shouldn't be this way

02:10 am
but it's hard sometimes you know, when most days you don't leave the house because you feel unworthy of the space you take up

02:16 am
so you'd much rather disintegrate into soil because you've become all too familiar with people stepping over you and admiring the outcome of your beauty but never the roots of your pain

02:19 am
i spend so much effort watering people in order for them to grow and hardly get enough sun shine to feed my own soul

02:25 am*
because i don't know how to do anything else but care for everyone but myself

unable to think
unable to focus
all to aware that you're there
unforced and undeniable
the connection between us is eleteric
or maybe its just my attraction to you that paulsing
maybe my interest,
maybe this electricity,
is one sided
making my desion to just play it cool, relax, fight it
fight the overwhelming yearn to talk to you
fight the titlewave of over exagerated feelings
every erg
every thought thats telling me to spill my guts
play it cool
i dont even really know you
but as bad as it may be,
in my head i already do
your quiet and to yourself
and i want to know if theres sombody els
that youre hidding beneith the surface
tell me
spill your guts
im not afraid
be that titlewave
let everything youve never said wash over me
and know ill still be there in the end
When the wave has cleared
And debre is scattered
I'll help you pick up the peices

theirs a girl in the back of the classroom, shes always quiet.

Kid one: "whats worse than a truck load of dead babies? No? No? No one? Okay then, I'm Ann Frank, what do I smell? Its my parents burring!" and he breaks into laughter and makes a motion as if hes slashing his wrists "What kind of person am I?? EMO!" he yells and tumbles into another fit of laughter

Kid two: "That's terrible!! You shouldn't joke about that! I don't understand dark humor! Why do people joke about that stuff?"

The room goes quiet and the girl says "People always joke about things they cant comprehend, its a coping method." everyone stares at her but she just goes back to writing as if nothing had happened

Sitting down
An empty notebook in front of me
A pencil in hand
How do I write this
Knowing it will be read aloud
Shared
A piece of me
Shared with others I don't trust
of whom I see everyday yet, don't know
Will they abuse the knowledge, the insight, the possibility of power over me, I'm giving them?
I could write it about something else
about someone else
Someone who as effected me
Who has changed me, made an impact in my life
but I don't want to
This is something I need to write
maybe it'll help me cope
maybe it'll help me move on
This is something I need to write
but I'm not sure its something that needs to be shared
but I'm not sure they'd even care
(probably best that they don't)
I'm painting a picture with words
detailed enough so they can see
vaguely enough so they might not understand:
                                       That I'm giving them a piece of me