I do not know which is worse
Physical pain or emotional pain

I don’t not know which is worse
Physical torture or dealing with really mean people

I do not know what is worse
Being talked down to or being beaten up physically
take a guess

I know this is an excuse
But  also the truth
If it weren’t for each and every one
Of those toxic people
In my life
I would be in the United States being an FBI agent

I know this is an excuse
But also the truth
If it weren’t for each and every one
Of those toxic people
In my life
I would be a medical examiner helping people find and solve crimes and find a cure for cancer


I know this is an excuse
But it’s also the truth
But if it weren’t for each and every one
Of those toxic people
In my life
Who knows I may have been a famous artist by now

I write about suicide
For thing
Is there is one of my pet causes
You see I  how had  to face turn years of hardship in my 20s
Because of my PTSD and my bullying that I went through
The toxic people in my life
All these things I wanted to face up close and personal instead of cowering
I'm looking way from death

I write about suicide
For one thing
That is it no one else has to die
Or have to suffer what I had to suffer in my 20s
Because the bad times do not last

In some eastern philosophies not everything last forever
And that includes emotions and dark thoughts
They too shall pass if you give it a chance

I just don’t penpal normal people
I penpal prisoners and convicts
Of the female gender
For I know what it’s like to be in their shoes
Being misunderstood
Circumstances against you
Prejudice
Just play nonsense against you
I penpal these ladies because
I am one of them I could’ve easily been one of them
Caught in a rock and hard place
Yes I have been in a rock and a hard place too
The tree people with gentleness and kindness
No matter their living situation

There is a reason I am going to get to semicolons tattooed on my two middle fingers
It's because I am Chechen
And I am proud of who I am
I am against terrorism and suicide

There is a reason I'm going to get tosemicolons tattooed on my two middle fingers
Because I'm too **** proud of who I am
And I don't care if other people think I should die
Or I shall live on and live my story

Where is the reason I'm going to get two semi colons tattoos on my middle fingers
It's because I'd rather be me instead
Of some blonde dumb idiot
**** myself
Or starve my looking like
The it girl.

I am not a bad gateway or a mistake
Hey my posts are not evil or bad
As I speak the truth
But you just don’t want to hear the truth
So you say 502 bad gateway
Do you know that really hurts I’m trying to say something
Something important
You’re infringing on my rights

I don’t watch the news for one simple reason
It’s stereotypes goths and punks
Not all of us are in the black occult
Not all of us are killers
Not all of us are either school shooters either


I don’t watch the Newfor one simple reason
They paint
People with mental health issues
In a very bad light
showcasing our bad sides


I do not watch the news for one simple reason
Foreign perpetuates hate
Anti-Semitism
Islam a phobia

Let’s turn off the TV said and think for ourselves as human beings as we are supposed to
Not as fearful robots and computers programmed to hate