I wanted you home
for so, long-I wanted you home
and 6 years later you were ready
and it was too late
I asked you to come home before then
because I knew time would get away from us
and it did

you left and you didn't come back
and I went to the funeral
and I asked if God was there
Through all those years of praying
because my prayers didn't do anything
and time ran out
and I was too late
or maybe you were too late--

it was all too late
and I went to your funeral
it was all too late

I woke up
I knew that it wasn't too late
but it also kind of was
you were still alive--

but not here.

today I looked in the mirror,
and I really looked,
and I didnt like
what I saw.
because I saw
a girl with hollowed out eyes,
a slight beer belly,
and thunder thighs.
I saw
the demon on my shoulder,
the angel to my right,
and black in my mouth.
even worse, I saw
charred lips from the cigs,
smudged mascara from a boy,
and grayed skin from the depression.
and I wanted so badly,
to fix what I saw
but I,
I was too weak.

Maybe
if I was prettier
or skinnier
or more of something
maybe
if I was less loud
or less dark
or less something
maybe then
you would want me