These feelings that stir within.
I keep lashing out.

Hurting myself
Instead of standing my ground.

Im weak.
Desperate
And alone.

I lose all sense of control.
Naive and small.

Lying in cold
Painful regret.

I let them walk all over me.
Like a carpet full of stains.

Fear,
Shame,
and regret.

When will I get it right

I am nothing.
Only a shadow
To be forgotten in the end.

Grieving for my lost child
A part of me I never knew.

For she was taken away from me
One night
Long ago.

She was hurt by a man
Taken to her grave
Where her limp body lied.

I cried for her loss.
She lost everything she held on to
For those last minutes on earth.

Till this day
I grieve her death.

She only longed to be loved
And seen for who she truly was.

A fragile heart-
Bound to break
in any moment.

A soulless creature
Feeding herself

To others
Who only crave flesh
And dispose the heart-
Where all her true colors lie.

She neglects herself
Losing control of her self worth
She spirals down.

In to her abyss-
Of self mutilation
And abuse.

She never was able
to find herself.

Lost in the cold
Dark world
Of suppressing
Her emotions.

She only found love
When the blade was pulled.

And there,
lies never spoken
Words of truth.

My age does't define me.
I'm underdeveloped
and mentally delayed.

I burden others
with my ways-
Of making mistakes
Which even a child
would't make.

I see myself
as a weight
on everyone I touch.

Like an illness
that can't be understood
or seen.

I feel at a loss-
knowing I'm odd
Unlike others my age.

I feel independent-
Only to see,
that in reality
I'm not.

Premature at birth
is not an excuse.
To others around me,
I need to try to function
the same.

But I never get it right.
As if I try only to bring myself
back down.

To feel I'll always stay delayed
and betrayed by
my own efforts.

They say I was a miracle baby.
Surviving a 90% possibility
of death or permanent mental damage.

But no one knows
This all comes with a price-
That only degraded my worth
as I grew older.

I can't blame my own birth.
I know it's a blessing to be alive.

It only makes me wonder.
if others would perceive me differently.
As stupid.

The real world
may turn away
when they see me.

How little I could do.
However;
I was born to stay alive.

With this underdeveloped mind-
To be able
to empathise with others
in pain.

Others can judge me,
but I'll never judge myself
anymore.

I will meet others
who carry the same
heavy heart.

And we will create
a movement-
To love others just as they are.

The iridescent light
Lingers in to her eyes.

I feel silence envelope me
As I stare in awe.

Her voice whispers
She will come back to me.

I watch her footsteps,
Slowly fade.

With the sound of the rustling leaves
An imprint left
in to the soft soiled ground.

As I see her
She smiles back at me.

Her presence aglow.
I feel her embrace me.

A last goodbye.

Our last moment together on earth.
As we silently cross paths
Only to find
that we were't meant to be.

As I say my last goodbye.
Tears stream down my eyes.
For I feel guilt
In not understanding you better
Not being patient enough.

But, now I see.
I did all that I could
To give you time and respect.
Only to realize you never loved me.

You were too selfish
and afraid to love me back maybe.

I changed my self for you.
But
It seems you never realized what I did
Only to make you see what I would do for you.

I only wanted affection.
But,
You could care less
About making me feel cared for.

Although,
Maybe I was too needy for you.
In the end,
It's better that I broke up with you.

You taught me to never expect things.
To love myself more
In case, the one you love does't love you back.

Everything happens in life
For a good reason.
Whether it's good or bad.

Life teaches us more than we think it does.

The calm always comes after the storm.

I was naive
Too broken
and distorted
To see

With the past
occupying my mind

I never saw
that what he did
Was a crime.

Blinded by trust
He found his chance
To take away my soul.

This time I cried out
Stopping him from
doing anymore damage.

He stopped with a sigh
Wishing
that my voice would've stayed
Inside.

Wanting more
of what was mine.

I prevented further damage
Yet I realize now
That it was too late.

He succeeded
In obtaining my heart
And tearing it away.

My soul and mind
Clash
In to one.

The music
surrounding the room
Lingers
then fades.

And I feel no more.

Then realization hits me-
I was *****.

He says my name.
Pulls me in close.

Whispers to me passionately
"I love you".

I feel distorted.
Trapped
Lost in time.

I can't feel
My body's gone.

Away from my mind
And my self.

He clings on to me
Like a spider

Unwinds his web
As he silently moves.

Alone in the dark.
I lay in pain.

Tears that taste of betrayal
And mind-numbing fear.

I lay there
Unable to move-
Voiceless
And in tears.

He calls my name again
With fake sympathy.

He rolls back
On to his side.
Muttering words of disgust.

3 am
I'm still lying
Wide awake.

Thinking of redemption
Lost dreams,
and suicide.

Oh, how peaceful
it sounds.

I can learn to live with my shadow-
My demons-
Created by the past.

Sometimes I feel
As if I never made it out alive.

But, I will keep hoping
That in time.

Maybe I'll be alright.

The colorless leaves
Blow in to the air

The cold breath
Of winter breeze gently flows
In and out of the trees

Serenity flows through me
Recalling childhood
Memories and dreams

Your melodic words
Keep playing inside my head

Telling me
To never give up hope
And my dreams

Then I vividly recall
The reason why I'm here

To find you
See that there is more to life
Than hopelessness, and fear

These butterflies on my scars
You've shown me how to heal
From everything depressing and dark

I dedicate this poem to you
For you are my everything
My beating heart.