Not enough sleep
And yet in that foggy haze when I closed my eyes
I know you were in my dreams again
Making me have withdrawals
Sending sad songs to my lonely friends
And hoping that the next couple weeks would come to a quick end
You haven't done a thing
Besides be in my dreams
And made my face gleam
From what I didn't know was just small talk

Oh what it must be like to be loved
To fall asleep with a smile
A sparkle of stardust
The purity of faith, the absence of lust
But I don't understand and I havent for a while
My thoughts flow like rivers to places that don't appreciate the quiet

Shut up
I know you like the phrase
In your impractical brigades and diatribes
I see it in your face that I'm not someone you like
Shut up
I must say
To my thoughts when im trying to sway
To dance you out of the bay of my sorry mind
Shut up
I must remember
Because ever since september
I havent been the same, have been quite too tender
Shut up
Is my punishment, my own cure to the pain I cannot pour into one cup
The oil I grease upon my arms so I can wriggle out, get unstuck
Shut up
Is what I wish I could say to you
To get you out of my head
To end this stupid blue

I walked through that familiar door
Singing my same old song
It was comforting but scary how its so easy to be numb
I expected to see you on the other side even though it isnt fun
That I have an obligation to see someone that cannot see im on the run
From them, from life
My daydreaming is a double-edged knife
That I must shed in my belongings i leave
On my own ****** trail of fears
A little inferno
Between my tiny ears

Snapping out of it
Feels so tragic
Leaving the comfort that was for my eyes only magic
Im sorry sorrowful me
Left you to escape reality
But now im back and im working on being cheerfully
Me without having to sink into darkness or escape into fantasy
Yes I miss it a little bit
Thinking I was wanted or some corny love *******
But yes I am however I have to accept it
Im flawed but I deserve to be loved
And it doesnt mean im less than for simply livin

Everything hurts more
When you think you're nothing, not on the level of being a bore
I truthfully apologize to everyone i've ever met
Because my existence feels like nothing but a crime
My demise is slow
A cool fire burns me alive in my ill inferno
But on the outside oh!
What a show!
Is the smart boy still comedic when hes sharing his woes
Prose could not convey my stupid heart
It cannot trace the dark of my soul and dare call it art

I hear every word
The things you never say and the words you think are left unheard
A parallel emerges
Between a convoluted mind and an organized mess
The thought haunts me that you fail to address
The fact you pick apart
Everything I built to be stable
The words I picked because it was the only way I was able
To communicate in a way I thought you would understand
But no, you argue in a way so passive aggressive and bland
Leaving me to speculate while I depart with no trace
In your head
The same head locked in hypothetical bracelets

You answered me honestly
It caught me off guard
The starting gun for logical fallacies and demented poetry
From an awful head looking for an escape
A break from the drama
Someone to fix me
Not to puncture my self esteem like a grape
So when you said you felt awful i felt a breath
Of similarity but not clarity
Just fantasy in a room full of mirrors
Romanticized with white lights
But the air is filled with smoke and my tears
This is not a maze but a trial by fire
Threatening to rip me limb from limb
In pursuit of happiness but from a place not merely dim
But you'll never understand it all
I took quite care to make sure you never saw my pitfalls
The veins in the eyes that fluorescently lit up
And the laugh that really was the sound of destruction
Pain
So dont tell me you need me to put less space
Between you and my ailing hidden brain
Because you dont want to see the truth im trying to erase