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I hate myself
I hate how I look
When I look at myself
Smiling
With my crooked teeth
With cavities filling my teeth
If one looked at me from afar
They'd think I had golden crowns

I hate how I look
With stars circling my eyes
Bags resting beneath my eyelids
With my double chin
Not making me comfortable until I be uncomfortable with it
With my chin with the ****
I look like the handsome Squidward
But uglier

I hate how I look
With the nose that magically grows hairs upon its head
And how the same stars from my eyes
Weren't turning into styes
No—
They're forming on my nose
Little glistening bumps
That won't quite turn into a pimple
And die down
No—
They stay for years on end
No matter what I do

I hate how I look
I hate how I grow hairs so fast on any part of my body
My unibrow somehow keeps coming back
The hair from my scalp
Keeps chasing my eyebrows
Which I didn't know it could happen
But I've seen me
How I have to shave my hands to reduce the judgement from my classmates
My friends I say
And how there's dirt constantly underneath the confines of my nails
No matter what I do
Anything doesn't do anything

I hate how I look
How everytime I bend over
I see the stomach fat
Like it's always there when I stand up
I keep comparing myself to those picture perfect social media girls
How there's no hair on their stomach
And how I can see their ribcage
And how... THIN they are
And my thighs-
They look like a **** triangle
I feel my thighs touching at the top
While down below, it's like I magically turned Korean
And how my calves
Are twenty shades lighter than any part of my body

I hate how I function
How my stomach produces excessive gas
And how my brain automatically wants to turn the batteries off to my body
And how my muscles ache
And how I can only run on motivation
Which causes my lack of dental hygiene
And how I'm getting rapidly addicted
To the drug that every kid loves
Makes sense cause I'm a kid that is racing to highschool
But everyday
I contemplate
How I keep up
Living five years in dream jail
Because everything IS a fever dream
It's tiring
Painful

I hate everyone... I-
.
.
.
Well not exactly everyone
Just people that **** me off
Which is about everyone
Because of my belief
People can't drive,
Park,
Use proper grammar in their native language,
Can't help but body shame
To feel better about themselves,
Can't help anyone
And never put themselves in other's shoes,
They can't use their own brain cells,
Basically inconsiderate ignorant fools

Sorry! 💋<3
the only pros? I pull because I got bronze, copper skin and personality somehow.
The flowers you left in my hands
The bouquet wrapped in ribbon and bands
Once left with healthy petals
Came back every time to water the flower
Yet somehow
Something that's rational
Is now filled with uncertainty
The petals are dying
There's no cure
The sighing
The crying
Yet, I can't help but still try to salvage the flowers you gave me
He's making feel like he lost interest low-key.
The maturity I feel over my parents
The freedom I can barely rent
The wave of horror that crashes over me
Just like a tsunami in the sea
That they can do anything to me
Experiment on me
And get away with it
They act as if they don't care
As if everything I said had flown up on the air
Coaches sexualizing me for wearing a mere crop top at a young age
Men three times my age isolating me like they're locking me in a cage
Manipulate, abuse, ****** abuse, repeat
Choke, ****, eat
Maturity at a young age
Rub me across your skin like Sage
Treat me as a child
No—
Treat me like it's mild
No—
Treat me like an adult
Get rid of my freedom like it was in a cult
Bounded by these shackles of shame
Then I no longer know your name

Sad how I'm supposed to consider you two as my parents
Yet you don't do anything when someone who lives with me currently used to touch me inappropriately and has done attempted ****** on me
All I can watch you do is just throw a childish tantrum
  May 7 Vayla Hemingway
Amanda
BPD
I want to believe in steady things,
but even my own reflection changes
when I look too long.
Are you here?
Do you love me?
Will you stay?
I ask without asking,
watching for the answer
in the way your hands move,
the way your breath hesitates before a word.

I know I feel too much,
ask too much,
but the silence between us is louder
than anything I could say.
So I fill it.
With words, with fear, with love—
all spilling over,
all too much,
all at once.

And still, I wonder, if it’s enough.
  May 2 Vayla Hemingway
SANA
after a really long time
i could dream
i could smile in my dream
i could really live
#r
I could never say it
People get me jealous
“Jealous, jealous girl"
Just only because
They got your attention
Your attention is supposed to be on me
At all times
I am your girlfriend, correct?
Is it bad that I don't want you talking to other girls?
Is it bad that I want to cling onto you and cuddle you just to prove that you're mine?
Is it bad that I want to feel your lips on mine relentlessly till we pass out just to prove you're all mine?
Is it bad that I want those girls dead?
Is it bad I want you in my bed?
Is it bad that those thoughts of mutilation was on my mind?
I just want you

Why do you enjoy your “homies" holding your hand?
Why do you enjoy your "homies” to touch you in ways that only I should?
I'm sorry I'm boring
I play the same jokes over and over again
I just want you all over me over and over again

So…. If you want to play that game
I'll be kind and take my aim
I'll shoot fire
I'll tell you someone gave me a hickey
I'll tell you someone was touching my ****
I'll tell you someone had kissed me
All just to make you jealous

Love ya!
Tired of fighting
I just want to get along
I'm sorry that I joke around with you
That's the only way I know how to cope
I'm sorry that I'm too weird
I'm such a ******* creep
I'm sorry that I threaten to touch you everyday
I'm sorry that I touch your thighs everyday
I should change myself
I'm too stupid to notice that's clearly SA
I'm probably too used to it
I probably thought it was normal from all the groping
I know how it feels
Yet I keep doing it
I can't change myself
I can't handle it
Slap me across the face and tell me to be quiet
Go on
Please
It'll help me
Go as hard as you can
Leave red marks on my cheeks
Allow it to bruise
I'll do this for you
Cyberstalked, SA'd by multiple different people, manipulated and yet I decide to pass it on to a different person. I swear I'm such a ******* disappointment. Why do people even enjoy hanging out with me?
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