I need to write a brand new poem
Of hope and strength,
Of pride

I’m fettered, chained, shackled, bound,
The old trope, at length,
Descried

    But

The scaly skin is thus removed
By claws that gently peel
The rind

“It all comes”, the student said,
“Of slumbering in caves,
I find”

Avoiding magic,
Elf, and bowl...
Nothing’s tragic
If made whole

Avoidance carries
Heavy loads
Miracle tarries,
Mind implodes

But winged creatures
Want dire things
Say earnest preachers
Who pull off wings

Perhaps the church
Should be avoided
Left in a lurch
As Christ destroyed it

When he read
From the scroll
Turns of head
All eyes did roll

The spirit upon me
I’ve been anointed
To set captives free
I’ve been appointed

And as he put the scroll away
He uttered aloud, almost in song:
“These words are fulfilled in me today”,
Infuriating the offended throng

Leaving chins
Upon the floor
Churchy grins
Appear no more

They move as one
To chase him off;
To Him, what fun,
The shout and scoff

He looked not proud
On the brow of the hill
Passed through crowd
All felt a chill

For this, perhaps
Is how He loved
The cards collapsed
And all were moved

Now he departs
For the adventure after a lifetime

When he gets home he will see all
The holy men he read about

What a sight to see.

He leaves this winter for good
And enters into eternal Spring

He is smiling
And there will be no more tears from him

While we have them for lack of him...

Where he exists, he will be overwhelmed.

And I believe
Or hope

No, believe

That we will ALL be with him someday
In the eternal

Closeup of eye...
Its gaze toward the sky
The puddle that brims
And sloshes the rims

And as we zoom out
Beholding the lout
We see what he’s done
Lit up by the sun

Zoom further back still
We see the fresh ****
Which lays lifeless there
In crisp winter air

As blood starts to spread
The dark crimson red
A slow sticky flow
Which steams on the snow

And now looking down
From over the town
From view of a dove
Way up high above

A few tiny specs
These red and white flecks
The clouds now obscure
The dead and demure

The curve comes in view
The green and the blue
And the haze covers all
This humanity, small

Cries up from below
As further we go
The absence of sound
Absorbed by the ground

And still it moves round
Our star, without sound
And time will release
The deafening peace

What have I become?
Do you turn away?
Supposing it is I
Who has gone astray?

I’ve grown these horns and fangs
My claws grasp at each straw
There’s rumbling hunger pangs
Take note my gaping maw

You put me in my cage
Toss me crumbs and scraps
My hunger to assuage
More than my fill, perhaps

Now my eyes have blackened
The id wrests all control
And these constraints have slackened
Please, petition for my soul
The beast inside this hole

My thoughts race~
In my inner monologue I hear:
     (I mean in my head, ...not actually in my ear)


“I hope we can make it through all of this”

                                ...

What?
How did I “hear” that?   And who spoke those words?

...’cause, if that’s a thought that came from in me...

           Then who is the “I”?     ...Who is the “we”?


And how is it that I can take note
           Observing these thoughts that ring

Who is thinking and who’s observing...
           The conscious mind is an amazing thing

Ok, I’m ready
Tell me how to start
Show me what the next step is
To heal my weary heart

I want happiness
Like anybody would
I’m ready now to do the work
I hope that’s understood

If I’m going to fail
At least I’ll know I tried
Let’s smooth it over and move on
My defenses have all died

I’m past the foolish pride

I dried up mentally
No more flow
The ideation ceased
         rising up from down below

Sick in the head so I’m
Trying once again
To put a little something
        down on paper with pen

A new day
Rife with possibility
Insert some new tranquility
Into your mind

A new way:
Looking at the positive
Believing life is causative
A new lens we must find

Truth is
Difficult now to discern
But even so down deep I yearn
Now to make headway


Love is.
So don this mask for now, shall I
And in the face of fear I’ll fly
For today's a new day

This movie was panned
The critics all spat
Each write-up was canned
(It shows where we’re at)

They trash all that’s good
To bolster their cred
They fancy their food
Which they have been fed

But here’s food for thought
Go ask a true fan
Did it skip as it ought
The heart of a man

For mine felt a thrill
As I took it in
Yet poured from their quill
The critics’ great sin

It's more akin to touch than to sight ...or sound

A focused vibration
                           felt within my bones

My eyes can't spot it
My ears don't detect even the smallest whisper when it begins

And at its crescendo, I'm buzzing and sharp


And aloud, I say, "Yes LORD?  Your servant is here!"

And then it subsides
And it's no longer clear


Did I feel that?
Was it real?

I doubt it;

I feel...

That even if angels came down to my street
And lifted me up - right off of my feet

And for minutes, held me airborne
Two yards off the ground!
I'm certain, the moment that I was brought down...

I would doubt my own senses
That's why I can't be
The chosen, the faithful,
Who's allowed to see

Prone to scoff at the stories
Of loved ones who'd swear
There is something much bigger than ourselves out there

Prone to wander and wallow
Prone to spit, not to swallow
The stories of old
As I stray from the fold

...And you don't know
   Just where you want to be
   And you don't care
   It's a side show
   Will you learn to haul them in
   With your fresh snare


When you are down
You got to get up
You got to go show
You'll survive
Another day's gone
Another night too
Oh my, good for you
You're alive

The gold floating down
And your casting-crown
And fillings that
magically turned
What good are they now
They've changed you, but how?
What change did it make
When you burned?


   No you don't know
   Just where you want to be
   And you don't care
   Well it seems tricks
   Aren't good enough for me
   So the sheep stare

Did I make you feel too special?
Was it too much; too hard to accept?
The adoration that I gave you,
Did it only make you feel inept?

Did I overly pamper you, princess?
Giving in every time we’re opposed?
Did you really think, “Why am I in this,
With this pushover? I think I got hosed.”

How many years did you just make believe?
How long has it been a charade?
As I cut myself open and give you my heart
All the while you were sharpening your blade

Now run along home to your sister’s,
Guts, blood, and gore in your wake
Saying, “I’m too delicate at this stage,
So don’t throw me things I can’t take…

Else you might ruin my recovery
So, …no surprises, please.”
…WELL, what about MY recovery,  *****?
FROM THE IMAGE OF YOU ON YOUR KNEES!

You know what?

Go grind on his filthy fish tail
Go straddle his handlebars
Go send him words that you’ve stolen from me
Give to him all that was ours

Your beauty will fade from you someday
And you’ll no longer get to make jumps
Leaving lovers in puddles of gore as you go
Having lined-up your next ***** for humps

Take a hike for a while now, my strumpet,
Ride his handlebars into the night
I was waiting for you to be sorry
But it’s not worth fighting that fight

And some day in the future when you’re finally content
And you’ve ended your wand’rings and wild rides
Have us over and show us your enormous gape!
And we’ll drive our “Big Rigs” right on inside!

He has no love of dragons

Foul beasts are they, and pure

Pure in evil and love of dust

With beauty and allure



His Lord hath bid him slay them

And though he’s had enough

He’s  having trouble piercing true

That lovely rascal, Puff



For in seasons when he’s carried

This, his rider, through the mist

Together they would cry and pray

And by the Fates be kissed



So with a heavy heart he must

Hold his breath and close his eyes

Stepping out in faith, he’ll trust

Until God’s face, his own descries



He feels a bit like Abraham

With Isaac on the pyre

He must obey and ****** his sword

Right through his heart of fire

Most people don’t want to be converted at all
    They’ll pick their way along the winding trail
And, when owl in tree asks who, fear his call!
    Like squirrel giving two or three shakes of tail
They run from every breaking of twig
    Afraid the sly hunter’s claws will impale
And now, at nightfall, our Mister Big...

     Sharpened of claw, and focused of eye
With the cloven hooves and horns to boot
   Red predator tempts and tempts the prey
And skillfully tries to make-off with that loot
   But after temptations, th’accusations will fly
As, like the owl, he’ll preen and he’ll hoot
   And silently sit with a grin toward the sky...

So maybe call out to your old safety net
  Your regent who’s remedy always is ready
It might be an option your heart opts for yet
  It is easy & straightforward not vague or heady
You’ll escape from the raptor and won’t soon forget
  The moment you brought yourself focused and steady
To the great task of asking, there came comfort I bet

On Monday
I heard that song

It made my heart
…so blue

Because I realized that I
Had not tried that with you

My ego made me blind
So I put it away

And flirted with you on the phone
The whole ****** day

Enough with caveman thinking
I miss you so **** much

I miss your laughing mouth
I miss your tender touch

A stark realization that
I hadn’t asked you back

I hadn’t begged you, “please,
Let’s get us back on track”

     So I sent you lots of pleading
     And poetry and pics

     To try to see if I could woo
     You back from foreign tricks

     You’re using one another
     For your own selfish kicks

     So I tried throwing ego out
     And seeing what still sticks

Sad to say though, you,
Are set in your new ways

Myopia will get me through
These dark and lonely days

My turns of phrase fall short
My demons come collect

And you will be right there.
Your truest thoughts, deflect

     But I just didn’t want to be
     At some future family thing

     And have you turn and say,
    “Did you keep that old ring?”

    “Too bad we couldn’t work it out,
     And get US back on track”,

    “You said you’ll love me eternally,…
     Why didn’t you ask me back?”

So now it’s sinking-in
You did what needed done

You felt you had to crash and burn
This bond into the sun

You burn so brightly kid,
You sure know how to hurt

You give good pleasure for the meal
Then cut me for dessert

Why are you not here,
And I am left here holding on,
Didn't you know the way we were was fine?!
And do you know your baby's cryin'?

Seems all of my fear flew too far,
Look where we are.
What a year...and I wasn't tryin'
Do you hear this baby-whine?

      Can't you come back and hold me again?
I am in that fear
      Can't you come back and hold me again?
Promise I won’t shed a tear

Why are you not here,
And we are left here holding on,
Didn't you know the way we were was fine?
And do you hear your babies cryin?

     Fine. Fine! You’ll never come back.
     You're gone, but ...would you try?
             If you discover there's a way
             To let us know it's all ok?

Give my kind regards
To the King and the throng
Shedding ranks and singing all day long
Oh tell me you enjoy the song
          I hope that you enjoy the song

He’s pulling up
She’s stepping out
The way she got me feeling
Makes me want to scream and shout

She’s on her knees
He’s standing tall
Don’t even want to think about
The covenant at all

She’s on the floor
He’s pulling out
They wouldn’t want to make another
God-forsaken mouth

He lets it fly
Stinging her eyes
She got the only thing he wants
In between her thighs

Whoa Nellie!
Whoa girl!
Don’t you think you’re good?
Especially when gagging down
Your lover’s pink hood

Whoa now
Stop it now
What about them kids?
But how can you fold when
You’ve gotten better bids?

He’s become so sad
She’s not really so bad
The way she nursed his wounds,
She was the best he ever had

They write each other poems
In between the moans
Send each other songs
In mellifluous tones

Baby, there she goes
From underneath my nose
It’s easy to be blind
When you’ve lenses, colored rose

Kicked me in the gut
Mother, …*******, …****…
It took me but a week
To squeeze my tear ducts shut

Oh Baby,
Oh princess,
Thanks for the heads-up!
I hope you feel the poison
Bitter tears that fill your cup

Hey Momma
Hey girl
You go on your way
I hope we both can find a way to be old friends some day…

For now though, go away.

Love feels like being strangled
Like a churning in your stomach
Like an unquenchable longing

Love is helplessness
Love can be almost unbearable

There was a time I thought
Love was sunshine and breezes

Oh but it isn’t always lovely feelings
It isn’t always fun
...

It is holding on for dear life

Perhaps we are

The seed of something;

My ghost, the orchid

I’ll become,

And every bloom

We see unfurling,

Shall beautify

Th’ eternal home!

I journeyed out to find
...And here along the way

Having glimpsed my mind
And holding little sway

What fascinated first
Had become cliche

For what was blessed was cursed
And God feels far away

A blessing once upon a time
Was treated as a high

By my own hand and tongue, and I’m
A shriveled ghost, a sigh

Persuade me to embolden now
Regain the mystic eye

To see the golden glow somehow
Without the paper tie

The crispness of this air
Feels like a fetter, oh

I long for sweet despair
I’m getting better though

One day I will be healed
Or ...I like to think so

Toward the great reveal
The conclusion of this show

Inexorably, I go

Driving on
Where'd I go wrong
In the creases

When did I
Decide to die
In pieces

Self sacrifice
To pay a price is ******
And zephyr blows but I have never heard her

...Too ...far
Down a road I shouldn't have taken
I live for vacation
I take one everyday


Driving on
Where'd I go wrong
In the creases

When did I
Decide to die
In pieces

Stubbornness
can take you crazy places
When you don't know
the folks behind your faces...
Can help you force
yourself into tight places

Watch your pace, yes,
It can ***** you too
So sad so blue
Oh what to do
Oh what to do

Come alive
Come alive
And drive

Far from fiendish filth, I’ll faithfully find my feet
Oh, only using an ointment I’ll oil my oaken oar
Refusing rifling romance from rows of real rides
Even-so every endeavor entreating evermore

Vile the vine, vain the shine that vexes my veneer
Every edge entreated, engenders ease of ache
Remove my resignations; my ruddy itching fear
My matron out of maiden did my marriage make

You yearn yet you yell, as your fellow is yellow
Deserving his death, and dearth of the deed
Engaged in the ending, enter elbow and ear
An angst that achieves anger and all are agreed

Reserving real rage til receiving the results
Entertaining every edgy enervating end
Stultifying satiation staving-off with salts
Till the termination of this terror, true friend, ...toward the tryst you tend