H:  Hold
O:  On
P:  Pain
E**:  Ends..

I realized today I have stopped,
stopped living life,
I'm literally just just trying to,
get to the next day,
just living in the thought of tomorrow,
I'm not living,
I'm waiting,
And the trouble is,
I don't know what I'm,
exactly waiting for,
I'm kinda scared,
for what is might be..

I need to just stop,
Get my life together,
And stop hurting people..

Whatever we are, I still remember what we were..

I feel like I'm invisible,
I feel like no one sees,
I feel like you don't care,
I feel like I'm invisible,
So here is to the people,
That feel like they are invisible.

I promise to always lift you up
When you are feeling down
I promise to wipe your tears
When you feel you need to cry
I promise to keep you smiling
To show off that beautiful smile you have
I promise to be your strength
Whenever you fall weak
I promise to be your voice,
When you can't find the words
I promise to be your eyes
When you cannot see
I promise to be your ears
When you cannot hear
I promise to always tell you what's real
When you want to hear the truth
I promise to be your dream catcher
To chase away you're every fear
I promise to be your smile
When you're frowning
I promise to always cheer you up
When you are down and blue
I promise to give you faith
When you are feeling insecure
I promise to keep you sturdy
When you are feeling unsafe
I promise to listen
When you need to talk
I promise to tell you no lies
Just what is true
I promise to always lend you my shoulder
For when you need to cry
I promise to always hold you
When you need someone
I promise to always care for you
Wherever you are I promise to always be there
I promise to never hurt you and never break your heart
I can't promise you the world
I can't promise you the sky
I can't promise you that we will never fight
I can't promise you that I will never cry
But I can promise you that I will always be true to you
And baby I promise that I will always love you more than anything with all my heart, no matter what happens or what we go through, baby I'll love you until the end of time!
Ill be your guardian angel
That's my promise to you!!

the light was there but I was blind
the image never leaves my mind
you sat there and laughed while I laid there and cried
you smiled and laughed while I frowned and died
your force was too strong for my innocent no
you were all hyped up and ready for a show
why did I have to be the doll in your stupid little game
you're the reason why I hide myself in shame
when I got home I cried for days
stupid enough to trust your ways
I'm up all night crying myself to sleep
my innocence was no longer mine to keep
I dream of you at night ya know
knowing how much you enjoyed the show
your friends were there and they didn't hear
your friends are people I also fear
I said no and stop but nobody saved me
I cried and pleaded but my voice was missing
but don't worry not all the joy wasn't just by you
more pain came by another two
I wish I would've been more smart
and listened to my dying heart
I've added up the pain
the life I had is drained
there's nothing left for me to gain
3 of y'all have permanently damaged my brain
you all wanted to play and you all wanted to touch
but saying no just wasn't a ******* enough
you're the only one who beat the game
the one who left me with the most shame
the one who caused my depression
the one who stole my possessions
all I do now is hide in my room and cry
they ask what's wrong I say a headache such an easy lie
but the truth is I'd honestly rather die

I’m not perfect…
But I  sure do try...
I make mistakes all the time,
I do have regrets- a lot
They consume me sometimes.

I try to be strong
Brave through it all
I say sorry when I can
Try to accept when I’ve wronged.

I do my best with forgiveness,
Letting go of the past…
To enjoy what I have…
And smile as well

I love all I can
And treat each person as a treasure
At times I make tears
Other times I am hurtful…

I don’t mean to be this way,
But this is who I am
I’m Flawed and imperfect…
And I hope that’s okay.
Because I'm trying..

As tears run down her face,
she realized she's made a mistake.
An utter suffocation,
she's trying to hold on.
But the pain,
the pain's to strong.
The bloods running down her wrist
Her eyes are going shut
but she's trying to hold on
while voices in her head are saying something is going wrong.
She doesn't know where she is or even why she did it.
It started with a razor and a few little cuts.
But became addictive and she cut to much.
Now she's laying on her bed,
wishing she could go back.
As the world disappears and everything goes black.

Sending me away,
Don't "help me"
tbh,
It hurts me more,
Like you don't want me,
Think I'm crazy,
Don't care,
So,
I'm not going anywhere,
That's a promise,
And I WILL fight back

Eat dinner,
Smile,
Yeah its great,
Go to your room,
Go to the bathroom,
Run the water because your washing your face,
And as you shove your fingers down your throat you cry,
When everything you ate comes up,
And your body feels okay again,
Walk out like nothing happened in smile,
**relapse

Didn't you know?
Its all because of me,
It's all my fault,
I hurt you,
I hurt them,
I hurt me,
Didn't you know?
It's all because of me,
It's all my fault..

I'm longing for some food, but no I must resist
Pull my hands away, yes I havent eaten yet
Starve my fat away, surely this will work,
Is this honestly the thinnest I will get

I stare at the food, But I know I must leave it
For in the end, I will be beautiful, and thin
So I sit, getting energy from my other addictions
This is a cleansing path, without food, without sin

Never thought I would do this, I'm too strong I said
But now as my fingers plunge down my throat, I am wrong
But I am going to lose weight, if it kills me
Another day without a meal, shows I am strong.

No one knows how I honestly feel,
Because I cant bring myself to tell them.

Like an apple that has fallen from our tree,
my soul is rotting and I've taken you down with me.
Deep in the emotions of my misery
are the feelings that cannot ever seem to be set free.
You could say others have had it worse than me,
but until you take a few steps in the worn out path of my misery,
with the burdens I've carried, only then can you unravel my mystery.
If only to stumble on shards of glass,
only then to empathize the pain that I stash.
The scars always there never to vanish,
never to be repaired.
The physical pain may have vanquished,
but the emotional pain will always lay stagnant in our mind,
Always to remind us of our broken home.
The pain we endured through our childhood
made permanent cracks in the building blocks of our foundation.
Leaving the ones who've moved into our life
to mend the cracks with their love,
to suffer the sometimes bitterness that was left behind,
forever in our minds

And hey darling
           I hope you're good tonight
                     And I know you don't feel right when I'm leaving
                                 Yeah I want it but no I don't need it
                                         Tell me something sweet to get me by
                                               Cause I can't come back home till they're singing

                                                              La, la la la la la la
                                                                   'Til everyone is singing

Am I alive or am I dead?
My greatest regrets repeating in my head.
Feeling so empty and cold,
Like a puddle of my own blood,
Forming the Silhouette of a mold.
Wondering if I'll ever be missed?
Trapped in my own darkness..
Lost to the lucidity of my mind.
The depression, a war in time.
Counting down the days left in my life line.
Lost in all these sill rhymes,
Trying to breathe, but no longer living,
Lost all hope.
Lost all meaning.
Confused with what is real.
Saying grace at my last meal.
Counting down the seconds till death.
Watching in hell as they put me to rest.

Nothing matters, But somehow you did, and always will. <3

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Sugar is sweet,
And so are you.



But the roses have wilted,
And the violets are dead,
The sugar bowl is empty,
And my wrist are stained red.

Last night,
I was going to end it all,
But when you said those words,
"Baby I love you"
I broke into tears,
I feel broken,
Like my chest is empty,
And it's closing up,
But when I'm with you I feel,
Like everything is okay again,
The words,
"we are getting worse and worse and we will end up braking up"
It broke me,
I lost all hope,
And gave up,
6 days and it makes 5 months,
Why give up now,
If we think about it they didn't want us together at the beginning either,
Last night,
I told you I couldn't make it through the night,
But you said you knew I could,
That's the first time I have ever heard that,
It made me smile when I was in tears,
Last night,
You had to get off the phone,
When we hung up,
I went straight to bed,
But I didn't sleep,
I couldn't find out why,
But this morning,
I realized the only thing on my mind last night,
Was you and why I couldn't loose you,
Yes, today I seem a little weird,
But, I still feel empty,
And like my chest is closing,
And Today I can't seem to come back to reality,
And it hurts,
So don't take what I say today,
As I am being a *****,
Because I can't even seem to know where or what I am doing today..
Just know I love you..

Ohh me I fall in love with you everyday.

In time,
Things come
Things go

With love,
Leaves fall
Leaves grow

The morals of life,
Have no beginning
Though it seems the trials
That we face,
Have no ending

Words said to hurt,
With thoughts made to
****
The only way to express
a pain that I feel

Just let it go..

"It Gets Better."
   When?
            
       "It'll be okay."
           ...no it won't
              
                   "I'm here for you."
                       *******
  
                             "It's okay.."
                                *no it's not..

I tried to recover.


I tried to get better.


But somewhere along the line something went wrong.


I fell apart again.


I lost again.

Today I have smiled,
Smiled more then ever,
My family is all getting along,
And I'm happy with the way I look for now,
I'm seeing a few old friends,
My girl is going to be able to see me soon,
My life is turning right side up for once.
Just a few more things I need to get right.

>Last time I ate a full meal and kept it down: two days ago.

>Last time I cut: last night.

>Last time I took medicine I shouldn't of: two weeks ago.

>Last time I tried to end it all: Maybe a month ago?

>Last time I cried: Last night.

>Last attack: Last night.

>Last time I thought about suicide: 20 minutes ago?

>Last time I got angry:  *30 minutes ago?

My eyes close
I'm holding onto
my memories
and hatred.
my slumber
all alone in my head...
so silent.

I can't explain the way
my tears run blood along my veins
if I let go of my pain
I'll cease to be, give into the plague...

war is coming,
I can hear it in my heart
blood will flow
along the grounds of the innocent,
I can't deceive
the darkness anymore...
I'm letting go, I'm losing control of myself...

you beat me down,
so low and now
I'm crying my soul
I'm losing control.
you led me to
a place where I
can't feel my face...

death is just an anesthetic
for what's to come
a body left behind with no face
feeling numb
all alone I cry here
fading into nothing
all alone I lie here
dying...

...losing myself...

Loosing you,
Has now became my worst fear,
Yet I still don't see why they hate me,
You're my world and its as simple,
As 1. 2. 3.
But yet I'm loosing you.

I'd be lying,
If I told you,
Loosing you,
Is something,
I could,
Handle.

So  I was seven days clean,
But that all went down in flames,
And so did mine and your forever's,
But it's all okay,
Because I just painted a really big picture,
Anywhere I could tonight,
And I really miss you,
Like You don't even know,
I put so much strength and fight,
That I didn't have in for you,
And I guess yet,
I still wasn't enough,
But it's okay,
Because I'll cry tonight until my eyes bleed,
Holding "our" jacket,
And wonder why I was so stupid,
It's okay,
I hear you voice and I brake,
But tomorrow I will put the mask on,
See you and pretend,
That I'm fine,
Sleep in the same area as you,
And feel nothing right?
THAT'S NOT ******* POSSIBLE!
But I will have to pretend it is huh?
But it's okay because,
I'll come home after my "great" time,
And come cry in my bed,
You know I would say no I'm not coming,
But, I promised,
And I yet to this very second still love you with everything,
So I want to see your face,
But as I picture it,
It brakes me..
But yet know,
I didn't cut over you,
I cut because I,
Lost the most amazing thing..

Your just time wasted to me,
and that's all you'll ever be.
So leave me alone and spare the
guilt trip, I'm over it.

I don't wanna cry anymore,
I wanna be happier and on my own.
Cause you've caused me so much pain,
that i never wanna feel your touch,
hear your voice, or see you.

You lied and lied, i don't think i can
trust you ever again.
It's through and over with,
so i'm moving on.
Maybe you should also.
The pain is behind us now
i can go on and live my life
and be happy.

Why are you so depressed?*
I don't know.
maybe because at 4 am.
I'm alone.
maybe because this world.
is so ******* cruel.
maybe its just because.
I'm so tired of living.

Her eyes so beautiful,
Just like the sea,
But that wasn't all,
Behind those,
The tears fall,
Secrets no one,
At all could know,
Scars that are hidden,
Deep down,
If you look,
At the girl I am,
It's not really me..
The monster inside is attacking me,
No one sees,
The girl that I could really be..

She saved me in her phone
As "bestie"
But I had her screaming "Ohh"
yo girl wasn't suppose to text me,
If you wanna know how I know what I know!!

Out of all the girls,
She be the hottest,
Like the way she brake down,
I see you girl,
When she looking at me,
Yeah, she got my attention.

I'm Fine
    I'm not fine. please help me
                  
                       *I'm just tired
                              I can't take this anymore
    
I already ate
    I starve myself
            
                                                   Go away
                                                           *Show me you care enough to stay

I'm just cold
      I don't want you to see my scars

                                                                I'm better, I promise
                                                                      I've never been this bad

I'm Cold
     *I just want to die

do I
eat breakfast
or starve myself
again? tonight
i will write my
suicide note
but only in
in my head
tomorrow i
will wish
i was already
dead, and despite
all this i will still
will get myself out of bed.

My promise to you it
that it would be a lot easier to **** me

Because i rather be dead
then to feel this pain

And that's just the beginning of how
i truly feel.

Locked within the walls of my own mind,
Unable to escape,
Reaching out for help that is not there,
My demons are inside,
No one can save me from myself,
So tired of failing ad struggling to no avail,
exhausted, worn down,
Every fiber of my being screaming,
**Let Me Out