I don't like eye contact
I will not hold it,
Except for special occasions
But my eyes prefer to look
At ones lips when the talk
Then dart around
Sketching a mental picture
Of the surroundings
Like if I become too enveloped
In the person talking
They will see through my pupils
And into my mind

I need to remeber what it felt like to have a blade run across my skin

I need to remeber the feeling of relief when the pain starts

I need to remeber the joy I get when I pick up the knife

I want to know the feeling I get if i burn my skin

I want to know if it feels better or worse than the knife

I need to do it one more time

I feel numb, no sensing,
As if I lost the ability to feel
As if everything is happening
All at once around me
And I'm not even aware

There's something in a simple hug
That always warms the heart,
It welcomes us back home
And makes it easier to part....

Just one more
Maybe five
I can never reach my goal
It keeps getting lower

Today is the first time in a while
A full meal was eaten
My tummy got full
But maybe too much
It's like I can feel myself getting
Bigger

I don't like it
I wish it would stop
But I let it keep happening
It's like I've lost control

My ribs
My collarbone
They are becoming more visible
How is no one noticing?
Do they just not care?

All I need
Is for someone to care
For someone to assure me
That everything will be fine
In the end

I need someone to tell me
I'm beautiful
But I need it to be believable
I'm sorry if you've told me before
And I didn't believe you

These voices in my head
They're tearing me apart
They might end up being the death of me
Whether it be starving
Or I pull the trigger

I wish it would all be over
I wish I would be happy with myself

I'm 10 under my initial goal
But now it's 10 lower
How much longer will this go on?

Someone please help me