your soul
is like a vine    
that has                  
twisted                        
itself            
  around
                my heart
                               so many times            
that I can't even
        say how I feel                                    
   anymore                                
and even if            
        I could express
                   my feelings    
       in one
cogent
form      
I have to      
     ask myself
                     what kind of fruit      
                            this union would bring forth

sometimes it is
almost obscene
how clearly I
say what I mean

sometimes my words
are so oblique
I might as well
not even speak

and when I give
the truth away
then that is all
I have to say

but where my mind
seems undefined
there's truth in why
I blur the lines

I still cringe when I meet someone with your name

Your name

Like the slowest poison
It never leaves me

Just slowly eats away

Ah your name

How I wish I could eradicate it from my soul

Every day, in my mind,
A battle between light and dark ensues
My light, My innocence,
My values and resilience.

None of that was light enough
For the shadows of my past
The plaguing regret,
The guilt, shame and defeat

Backed into a corner,
With nowhere else to go
Almost defeated by my own self
Ready to throw the towel in

But you came along,
You beautiful Ray of golden sun!
You see my flickering light and nurture it
I am not alone in this.