evil  in me
Maybe it's the pain  in me
smoked and addicted
to nothing
but an

Ashtray

reduced to nothing
but specks of ash
an ash wondering
from cigarettes of long time ago

Sometimes my heart just skips
with sorrow and fear
of so many unpredictable events


My life hardly flashes in front of me anymore
everything is slowing suddenly
was I a worthy creature
did I earn my very existence

Am filled with questions and regrets
the world is possibly never going to be a better place
I open my eyes and I see him been devoured
I close them and I don't hear anything
they are all immuned to pain

I wonder
Is life really worth living?

they wonder
if there was ever a light at the end of the tunnel
they don't have fairy stories anymore
Maybe a quick death is a show of mercy
and these are the best fairy tales they have


When they took him
He cried out loud
Please shoot me, don't let them take me
you know what they'll do!

Someone from the crowd shot him
they all starred with no tears
they knew he's better dead than alive

Excruciating agony they felt


Is this what love is?

Your locked on denial
still loading on acceptance
"acceptance"

Suffocating on  belief
of her remains
of her tethered soul

With clenched heart you bargained
bargained with dreaded hope
Placing your bet on a desperate scope
believing that she wasn't "something" you loathed

Since a toddler
i was taught how to carry my own Cross
my own weight

So the hopes
the dreams
I left them on the pillow
.
.
.

In a world where
everyone is battling to tear you apart
love is an illusion

So at lest
let me be somebody
instead of a nobody
that all you crave for



I've been humble
courageous
and maintained my own cause

Ever thought your inside a simulation
that your reality is constantly changing
Your narrative written for  a certain purpose
Your heartbreaks
the pains youve  endured in the name of life
Was nothing but a programmed reality

Ever thought of the people you've crushed while climbing up
Because of that pain you caused her
She went and cried in that office corner
But he came and offered, sympathy, empathy
Whatever she needed
And her love story begun because of your crush

Ever thought the misery you keep experiencing is your own doing
that your on the verge of damnation cause you want to
Because the puzzling emotions are only here
Cause you want them to be here
Holding onto illusive memory
that once was, but isn't anymore

Ever thought of visiting Berlin, I think we all love Berlin
Or maybe the pyramids of Egypt
What about Paris, the food and the warm friendly folks
Can't forget Abraham Lincoln, we all have a little bit of linc in us
Brazil and samba dance, that, I wouldn't miss

Ever thought of writing a poem about writing a poem
Spilling your gut but in an eccentric way
Puzzling thoughts about everything
like this poem ever thought it'll ever exist
if it's even  a poem

I used to give much
I craved for much
I did my best for much

I just don't get what happened
I keep sliding back in the same hole
a place I despise most


now am less
Turned into fake
my existence full of mess
if only you knew my case

With Houston
For the right reasons
before you commit treasonous
acts of
Ripping the high notes

With the saxophone
Smooth violin
classic beats
guitar strings
Marvin Gaye

with time
am I alive
do I actually exist
Jay, Did we do it
did we
Reap the classic bars
from her chords

with chipping
Birds singing
Alicia klinging
Hearts breaking
Crying
Dying
falling
In love with piano

with emotions
regretting your mistakes
Written pearls
Dido flip
contained love
loved ones
roaming
moon walking

With soul
drums
disco
Diana
Ross
on jazz

This love doesn't make sense anymore.

Everyone seems to be in love this days,that got me thinking!!do you rely know what love.

Just because someone filled your heart with a ray of hope doesn't mean your in love...nonono,it shouldn't even mean that!you don't show gratitude by being in love.

Somebody better shade some light..coz I relly think everyone is losing it

You'll always be my heart beat

Most women who hoped to get hitched honed their cooking skills at their mothers’ knees. Or from an aunt.

That was once upon a time.

Today, the joke about modern women is that they no longer cook like their mothers, but rather, drink like their
fathers.

Mama am in love with a hot girl. They just don't get it, don't get it.

Stale  like generation pounding on me
like a dog with a bone
a  suffocating mediocrity
chained to my marrow

I didn't ask for this
for the constant vicious ignorance
for the cracks that can't be mend
for the river that no longer roars
No we didn't

We are
a species stuck on pacs rhythms
while longing for Elvis magic
which begs the question
Do we really have to be blind to see

Lord
give me some refuge

All my refuge are lonely

I couldn't get a moment of relief


My loneliness follows me
around like  a shadow

When am on hello poetry
I feel different
like am in space,floating around

This is my comfort zone
I get to be me without worrying
i know I have a family here
they want me in the Ark
far from waves and storms

What I write is just my world
My unwritten story
A diary that I share with everyone
i voice my souls long sufferings
and my triumphs

Am not a good poet
you already know that
but there people here with magnificent talents
Joe Cole being the father of words
musfiq the guy with delicious words
Patty m one of my favorites
Pamela Rae is definitely a highborn, can't ever be on her level

I write down my emotions
things ive kept in for centuries
this is how i get to express myself
in real world
believe me when i tell you in real world am like a rock
you'll never see this side of me

*am a very quite person and I definitely keep everything to myself

Reading your poems makes me feel something




Some   love

Some    hate

Some    pain

Some   lust

Some    hope

Some regrets

Some fairy tales
                        
Reading your poems makes me see some

Some crushing stories stuck on repeat
Some words screaming for help
Some hate for take nology
Some mystic life stories
Some some some for Donald Trump


                       Some tears for peace
                         Some trust in God

Am James
I don't know, but I think am James
Sometimes they call me
Play bbb
boy I know am a mess
Living life on stress
Which leads to depress
maybe meds
hell I don't know


Sssawing what's left of my shells
It's strange I've not seen death
after devouring all this ****
a crack head
on C o i n,C o a l, *******
I got it, it's *******
or whatever
just shut the **** up

You see
Youuuu'evvvv disoriented me
iiiiiiiii hate you
where was i
ME. Writing a poem
Him. No
Me. Writing a book, your will, maybe your eulogy
Him noo (frustrated)
ME. You were sniffing something
Him. Yessss, give it back, where is it
MeIn your hand
Him . sniffs (groans) this is great
Me... Errrrm, Okey... Maybe we can get back to the novel you were writing  sniffing or puffing

hell I don't know
but
book me a bedsitter
I could use some hot sleep
it's cold out here

I might be Carter
a fallacious poet
who wrote you when you were broken
devoured in pit of hell
but still scratching for light

I might  be Born
a reborn creature awakened from slumber
with a soothing tone
slowly reaping your speck of hope

I might be him/her
the one who feeds you love poems
Enticing broken promises
and a promise of a happy ending

In the moment
that exact moment
I'd say
that I like you
rely like you

Then I'd say
my heart pounds for you
your the star that lights my world
but deep down
I just like you

Love
love is a long story
stories if aches
broken hearts
and trusts  

Stories that am afraid of

If I could tell you
theories
illusions
visions
of love stories

if you were never a
fake
reckless
*****
the future would have been glorious

if I were to look at you i would see
a wounded soul
a seared heart
regrets and malice
pain,pain and pain

if you're a star then
refuse to be broken
refuse to be shaken
refuse to just exist and start living

If only I could write you  a poem
From a music perspective
I'd scream all day that
I hate that I love you.
I'd smoke ****
get really  high
Numb my days with morphine
and totally blackout

If only I could write you a poem
From a death perspective
I'd remind you of dreams
Strive for what you believe in
give a ****
and for as long as you are alive
never say I wish i knew

If I write you a poem
From a poet perspective
I won't tell you that my heart is broken
I'd say Its been wrenched
Castrated,
It's an empty weight
It has been ruthlessly devoured


If only I could write you a poem
From a love perspective
I'd argue that it's only a feeling
that needs more analysis
It's the only acceptable
form of insanity globally

You told your lie
Often enough
that you believed it
to be the truth

But I can't have that
I can't have any of that

I can't have desolation
Sorrow
Pain
and tots of regrets

the logic of pain and love
You poured your soul
And Whatever's left of your heart
and they told you its a beautiful poem
An amazing stunning write

But  Is it truly beautiful
when your heart was left fumbling  on the floor
When dreams grew stale
When you were shaken, tasted beyond scope
When you had to speak, shout, write against tyrants
When you were at your lowest and you just had to mumble some words

I just don't see the beauty in being shredded
I just can't fathom the weight of an ailing heart
I just
don't
get it

I know am not a great poet, syllables was never my thing
I know am not a poet, I never was
But life turned me into a thinker
I was long lost, now am a believer
Felt like an outcast, in a land full of deceivers

you know am a keeper
I kept it all in while the world was cruel
I didn't know how to grieve, I was never taught how to cry
my heart grew solid, despair was my comfort
I searched for answers,but uprooted more questions

I tried to jump, but your hand held mine
I tried to hang, but the rope wasn't tight
I tried drowning but the tides brought me back

In a world full of noo's, i found a dimple
that hope in a dusty room
a room, far forgotten
I walked in and smoked hope
a pen and a paper changed my life
I can voice my sufferings and victories

*am not a keeper anymore, am a poet