If I could tell you
theories
illusions
visions
of love stories

if you were never a
fake
reckless
*****
the future would have been glorious

if I were to look at you i would see
a wounded soul
a seared heart
regrets and malice
pain,pain and pain

if you're a star then
refuse to be broken
refuse to be shaken
refuse to just exist and start living

you thought too much
body boiling
heart racing

So you ran,faster than ever
every time you looked back
despair was catching up

every time you  looked back 
 monsters and nightmares formed an alliance

every time you looked back
a piece of your heart fell

every time you looked back
her memories crippled you

Your life was a constant
staring contest
with the barrel of a gun,
or bottle of pills,
or whatever it may be.

I don't think you ever
truly believed
things would get better.
I think they all forced it down
your throat.
Endless strings of letters
and numbers
configuring into
teen suicide statistics
and muttering
fine
and okay
whenever needed.

I thought you were nice,
despite your negative outlook
on life.
I'd love to hang out with you
again,
even if it is
just to hear you
complain.

I don't know why you
hated the world,
or why your humor
was sicker than you
ever were.
I don't know why
the stars never shone in your eyes,
or why the landing of '69
didn't spark your
everdying interests.

I'm guessing you didn't
either.

I didn't know I could write
words that are bitter
but sweet like honey

the truth that kills me
but still turns me into an immortal

words that break me into pieces
but i revive like a Phoenix

words that are stuck on my throat
but still scream the loudest

words that sear through skull
but mend hearts