we were just small children so we didn’t quite understand what father meant when he said

“mother is sad”

we continued our games and make believe stories and waited for mother to be happy

and when we were young, sad just meant someone stepped on your picture

or they ruined your sand castle


and in 2 seconds it was over

the deeper I fall into my depression I find my mother
I find her ghouls and her ghosts
her corpses

I find her dark eyes in my dark eyes every time I look in the mirror
and I find her hatred for everything, including me

I find new ways to torture myself
my mother

“you have your mothers eyes”


we also have the same disease

the only difference is, her demons won
mine don’t stand a chance

trust
trəst/
Noun
1. i know i don’t need anyone to make me feel better, that i can handle these things on my own. but speaking to you makes everything seem so much quieter.


2. there is me with tears streaming down my cheeks like rain. i cry all the time because i never cried when i was younger. there is you, with fire in your veins and hands dusted with the ashes of what is left of me.


3. you speak to me like i'm a person, like i have value and that you believe in me. you’re an entity and i want nothing more than to live in your heaven.