Once I heard that love is so sudden
Who knew it was so cliché
You, ugh, you are so good for me
But why, here it was gradual
Or I am oblivious to my own emotions
But with every single word I fell farther
And then, we clicked like Legos

Now I've known you almost for a year
And this is quite cliché
I cant tell him that I feel this way
But maybe its better this way
We can have a platonic thing
I just dont know if I will find something like this
You make me laugh and blush more than anyone has
I didnt want to fall but those eyes pulled me in
But we clicked like tap shoes though...

You are just so witty and charming
And no could compete
I have tried to find others this year
I wanted you
But You want her
And I am still your confused best friend
Maybe its is because it would be such a silly cliché
Maybe its because I am your best friend
Or that we click like those silly tap shoes

I still think your cute
And thats ok
I am just a little bit cliché
The oblivious boy and the smitten friend
Haha, maybe it happened because we clicked like Legos
But to be honest, just your voice makes my day
And to be honest, I would not have it any other way
To just be Legos, tap shoes, and ignorant besties

I cant go a day
without missing a hug or ******* remark of urs
That smile
ur eyes
and i hope ur raising a cup for victory
for all the joys
and all this pain

but you want a motorbike to dry your tears now
because she shattered you
used you
that *****
your just trying not to get lost
going too fast now
trying not to think abt it

the road doesnt care at all and we both know that
but you dont see that i do
i do
i cant live without you
i care if you come home in one piece
and want to dry your tears
i want to be the shoulder you cry on
one day maybe
one day
wait
now there it is
that funny feeling
Love? Hope?
i cant find the words to describe it

but how do you tell someone that
that a bike doesnt care
that the road doesnt either
but you care
a lot a lot
that you want them to do it all
all that heart desires
that you want them to live
that I wish I could witness
all their joy
and all their pain
that you dont know the word
for that funny feeling

for now I shout
"Wait for me, I am coming. I am coming too."
you know hes struggling
so i hear quiet responses
and find a life in those eyes
even if you cant
i see a war you can win
i see you

I am the type
Acting as the perfect type
Never really loved right
Trust was always out of sight
Here I am now
Glossing my lips
With the tears of
These conflicts, again
And one touch and you will see
This porcelain skin cracks easily
But deep withing I am protecting
A heart of gold and its beauty
And that can barely see the pavement
I can barely read the signs
That people think I'm so complicated
But never wanna look inside
And that last night you got it bad
At that moment I could barely add up two reasons why I am glad
And I maybe that's why I grab the cursed pen and write

She gets the flowers
She gets you
I get in a different timeline
Does she hold you like I did?
I pursued you and now I'm in love with more than one person
I might be polyamorous but this isn't what I wanted
I love my partner and I am falling in love with the one I started to go after
But you pull me back in every time...
In a good way...and a bad way
You keep my demons away but bring in a new monster
That what if's monster
I can't drown that one out
No amount of pills
No amount of alcohol
Nothing can
The person in the mirror can see themselves for more than just trauma
Because they fell in love but got my soul taken...by you
Just keep it safe...please

'In a better world I would be there
I could wipe away all of your tears
I could help you in your wars
Hold you longer
Laugh with harder

But this isn't that world...
I can write what is needed
But what's needed doesn't always come true
Truth be told...the world is cruel

Truth be told...that cruelty made me
Made me have that feeling
To protect and care for all the lonely
To bring under my wing all the abandoned
To be a pseudomother for the orphaned

In a better world...
I wouldn't have to fight to keep the light
I would be able to experience joy without feeling lost
There would be no warcry in me
It was its cruelty that gave me humility

The coldness and cruelty...
Shaped me to be a fighter
Formed me to be strong
Made me live differently

So I might wish for a better world...
But the current world made me a better person

I have gone through hell and back
Dwelled there time to time
Also, rose above and saw the light
And crash back down to the flaming depths

I know when to fight and when not to
Fight hard to win
When to just walk-off
Or get help to do either one

I know that love wins
That it overcomes all
But only when it is true and just
And I don't know how that feels...truly

I know that you care
That you care a lot
You say its way more than I care for you
But you don't know how deeply I feel

With the depth of the sea
We feel intensely and deeply
Deeper than that sea I think
At least for me, it is

So I scream louder and louder...
So someone can hear me...
so someone can understand me...
But I think someone heard my echo

They are handsome and brave to be friends with me
They understand...
The intensity and deepness
The cries and shakes
They understand the struggles that come with me
They accept that I ebb and flow emotionally like a tide
They accept it...
That this is me...

Ratify my freedom
Let me roam and be free
18 in 297 days and more responsible than most of my age
I already date who I choose
I wear a ring from that one person I chose

Let me be free
I understand my rights
I don't want to be a ward anymore
18 in less than 9 months and still treated like a baby
I already have a plan in place for when I am 18
I and the person of my choosing will go away from here

Release your hold on me, my county in my state
I have studied your laws and taken the classes
I don't want the feeling of being owned anymore
18 in less than 7128 hours and still dont have the same rights as others
I know the rules and I know if I could prove I could be by myself

Resign your case and let me be
I can go on from here
I only have 427680 minutes left in my teenagehood
I can do this without you
I dont need you

Pardon me out of this jail cell of a case
I dont need this anymore
I want to go home again
only 25660800 seconds left
Left till legally you leave me alone
But now you urge me to sign myself back in when my time is up

I see your heart in everything you do. Every day I see something new from you I didn't see before. With how I am, I do not deserve you to know you in any way, shape, or form. You should've put away for another who, not me. You are there when the tears of pain and heartache are streaming down my face. I don't deserve that at all. I deserve someone to spoon-feed my insufferable gloom and sadness to my heart. I deserve to stay in that melancholy state I was in many moons ago. You just plainly decide to surround your love around a wretch like me. Just recklessly surround your love around me. Neverending it seems. Overwhelming it is, I know that for sure. A love so strong that you would leave the others who are not lost for a lost one like me. A broken one like me. You would carry me home,be that light that I need. You were there in my lonely nights and gloomy days till I felt better, but even longer after that too. I could close my eyes and dream of a world that accepts me during those stormy nights, but you taught me to hold on, look forward, to dream of this world's possibilities. So thanks for being there is what I am trying to say. Thanks for being there...Thanks.

I am from...
Nomadic living and too many homes
I am from...
Codependent Mom and her many boyfriends, Abusive grandmother and mostly absent dad
I am from...
Boxed mac and cheese and cool combinations of ramen noodles
I am from...
Watching Friends and playing various video games with biological and foster siblings
I am from...
Cherishing everything you have in life and thanking God for the good things you have lost
I have overcome...
Taking care of my little brother, the pregnant fear of the fact that you will get hurt by him
I am from...
Different foster family traditions, just because trips to anywhere in the state of North Dakota

1.Social media isn't the thing that is going to **** us emotionally. It isn't desensitizing us either, it is making us more aware. In reality, we are wayyy more aware of what is going on than any other generation. The negativity on the other hand, is our fault and we need to induce that change. Social media has helped give people a voice, mend the broken, and help find out who they are deep within themselves.

2.You are not alone. There is always someone who cares. If you can't find it, look a little harder, look around at who you hang out with. I don't mean those just friends at school or those people you hang out with to be cool. I mean the thick and thin friends. I mean the teachers who know you personally. I mean your family. Just look around for a minute. You will find there are SO many people that care about you.

3.Death isn't the answer. It is never the answer. For so many they want pain to end but find this is the answer. It isn't. Reach out. Find others like you or survivors like myself. This isn't an outsider telling you this but a fellow struggler. It hurts. I know. But find another way. You have so much you have to live for even if you can't see it now. It takes time,hope, and effort to fight this fight. I believe in you, I have faith you can do it.

4.Family isn't just blood. Family can be anyone you make it to be. It can be a group of your besties or your roommates. Family is who you care about deeply.

5.Talk to others face to face if you can. Texting all day just doesn't do the same thing ,you know right?

6.Don't be afraid to be who you are. You are so, so special. So do not be afraid to be yourself.

7.Live life to the fullest. You only got one shot. Don't turn down that shot.

8.Write everything down. In the future you will thank me.

9.I am not perfect and neither are you. You will make mistakes like the rest of us. The point of messing up is to learn and move forward.

10.It is ok to not be ok. Everyone goes through the motions. Don’t hide that. Embrace it.

Oh, how I wish
Wish to be in his embrace
An embrace that holds firm
If my memory doesn't fail me

Oh, how wonderful he is
Wonderful and smart
How vast is his knowledge
And how caring is he

Oh, how beautiful he is
Beautifully exquisite is he
In nature, delightful
A smile the fainthearted can't handle

Oh, how I go on
For many words describe him
Yet I say some of them now
With pride and pleasure

Oh, shall I go on?
Go on to describe the one who could become mine?
Now or later
But I know it will be later
But, oh, how hard patience is

Oh, how he can make me smile
But his is greater than my own
But the smile he cause to form
From on this rebellious but genuine lass
Isn't fake or a scam but it's filled with joy and new to this world

I am done
I am done hearing this
The stuff about my weight
My weight being "too much"
That my dream isn't real because of my weight

How do you say to a guy 
4x your size
Not tall but wide
That you are done with the criticism?
That you should take your own advice first

I don't know how to say it
Without getting grounded for using my voice
Because, I guess, his opinions are fact now

But I don't care, anymore
He can keep his opinion of me to himself
Because if I have to keep mine shut
He can too

Ok, I can be slow sometimes
But doesn't mean I need to outrun you
Ok, I can't bench a lot of weight
Doesn't me I need to do an exercise program

You tell me I need better self-esteem
But you also tell me I need to lose weight
Thank you but no
I refuse your request
I refuse to let you do this to me
To say one thing good and the next degrading
I am done...ok?
Ok...
That's good.
(of course he never got to read this)

I am losing myself agian
a battle that I am bound to lose time after time
right now I am losing

Keeping Hope there is a win
Keeping Faith there is a God who cares
I keep going
and going
going
go on
and on
on

I can do it
do it
it

No matter what you do
No matter how deep of a hole you have digged yourself
No matter where you are
No matter what people say
No matter what people see you as
No matter what group you "hang" with
No matter you are popular or not
No matter what
No matter what

You are perfectly mad
Perfectly loved
and
Undoubtedly Priceless
This isn't decided by me or others
Definitely not me
But I do know who did...
Your Creator
The Lord
The guy I call my savior

Don't lose interest
This is just the beginning
I am going to tell a story

Once there was a girl who did find much good in herself
She didn't think she was worth much either
Worthless, Invisible, Unloved
Is what she thought

So time after time
She leaned on guys so she could feel something
Love, worth, purpose
Is what she was looking for

Guy after guy
She fell for the last time
Rock bottom, alone she thought
She wanted to be done with everything

But she heard a story
A story of how they were loved
not by a guy who they dated
Not with any price hanging with it

But by a God just because I am His
Even when things were bad
Love, grace, mercy, worth
Is what he gave them

She started believing
Gave her life over for him to control
Felt love and worth
But just wasnt ready to follow

Until somebody came into her life
A special somebody
His faith is fierce
He stands firm on what he believes and his morals
His heart was kind
Not a toy or property in his eyes
He saw her as her

He made her want to go all in
Of course when she was younger it was easier to do
Of course when she was a little bit older then that girl she lost faith
But he showed her something
Opened her eyes
Softened her heart
Loved her for her
She still needs to thank him for that...

She is a new person because of her faith
Well...she is me
I share this because I know something now
Something new
Maybe to you too

I am a story that is untold
That is still getting written
Not by me
But by God
And I am glad of that

This is amazing grace
This is unfailing love
That You would take my place
That You would bear my cross
I couldn't earn it
I don't deserve it, still
You give Yourself away

So, overflow in this place
Fill my heart with Your love
You're the reason I am here
To encounter Your love and mercy
Your love,the overwhelming
never-ending
reckless love,
surrounds us

I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left
Just let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart
That's frail and torn
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn

Just take my failure
Just take my weakness
You set Your treasure
In jars of clay
So take this heart, Lord
I'll be Your vessel

The tears of pain and heartache
Are pouring down my face
I know in the eye of the storm
You remain in control
And in the middle of the war
You guard my soul
You alone are the anchor
When my sails are torn
Your love surrounds me

I can see
Your heart in everything You've made
even in me
even in every burning star
You don't speak in vain
No syllable empty or void
You have spoken
All nature and science
Follow the sound of Your voice

If the mountains bow in reverence so will I
If the oceans roar Your greatness so will I
For if everything exists to lift You high so will I
If the wind goes where You send it so will I
If the rocks cry out in silence so will I
Tell the world I know that my mind is made
It's a hard show, but I'm not afraid
That maybe the shattered parts
Are the places where Your love starts
And now I am closer to where You are
With every beat of my broken heart
You surround me

Bring me a garrison
to defend my heart
but not inflect harm

Bring me a garrison
who's faith is relentless
who's love is reckless

Bring me a garrison
who's anger is controllable
who's mercy has no borders

Just bring me a garrison!
who want His kingdom to come
and his will be done

I just want a garrison to come,
      To defend my heart

The one thing I hate
can't always live up to them
but expected to anyways

The one thing I despise
But the other's desire
for me to reach it

*******, standards!
You cause depression and anxiety
Cause us to push too hard

*******, standards!
You cause panic and suicide
Cause us to die too early

You cause people to bully
You cause unending sadness
You cause me
to cry
out in
pain

Pain of disappointing people, Standards!
Pain of losing love, Standards!
Pain of losing me, Standards!

This is what you cause!
Stop throwing yourself upon me!
Just stop, Standards!
Just stop...