Grade school:
Doing anything to become popular.
Hurting those I would later find out were my true friends.
Uttering words that would
Cut deeper than any blade could.

Depression:
Something I now claim was just a phase.
(What a farce)

High school:*
Struggling,
                                             To give a ****,
                                             To find new friends,
                                             To keep the old.
Struggling,
                                             To hold onto those I loved,
Watching them slip through my fingers.

Depression:
No one knew.
My mask?
Perfected.

Social anxiety:
My mask starts to crack.
The crazy starts to show.
My friends,
They start to leave.


College:
Finally, I am myself.
                                             New job.
                                             New friends.
                                             Understanding.
Life is good.

Forgetting:
                                             The obsessions,
                                             The anxiety,
                                             The depression.
You:  
Slowly deteriorating.
Obsessions,
Creeping back.
                                             What are you doing?
                                             Are you with her?
Did you even care for me?
                                             Yes,
                                             No,
                                             Only for a short while?

How to become better,
To look better,
To think better,
To act better,
To be more talented,
To be more like her,
To be better than her,
To be good enough for you.
You.

The anxiety:
Consuming my mind.
Jumbling it up,
Unable to think,
Or rather to many thoughts to think through.  

Depression:
Sinking in.
Ideas of ending it all,
Surfacing,
(Once again.)
Mask starting to form.  

And I thought I was getting better.

From the book. "Accidently Dead"... a  found poem.


An unwilling glance at the clock told her it was just midnight,
Pressing a cold cloth to her forehead,
A sob welled in her throat,
Sadness filling the empty cavity where her heart once beat.
Cold chills break out along her spine,
and if he didn't at least like her as much as she liked him,
why should she beg so she could spend an eternity with him?
Her stomach fluttered, hollow and filled with fear.
This web is one seriously tangled weave.

The train rolls to a stop in front of the station. I peer out the window through the steam at the people. Some getting on, some off. But they are all on their own journey and it doesn't end nor does it begin with this change in direction.  Still I wonder if I should get off now, or should I wait for a nicer stop ahead?

In God's breath he waits,
the candle dimming as the
clock ticks and hours are slate,
his heart's echoes losing the war

As his hands bridge the abyss
of his fate while his mind
catches faith's miss;
fortune has a length to climb

With the strength of string
and no true grip
or able grasp to ring
the tower bell of Heaven's kinship-

And to his back tied this pail,
of needed pride sinking him
to the depths of Jonah's whale,
unable to release the whim

Of something delegated to sin;
the inability to call to the power
and make true his acceptance of Him,
even as the shadows of his final hour

Creep upon his flesh-worn frame,
burdened with the punnet of age,
no fruit able to let him know youth's flame
nor his frailty an answer to sage

Wisdom that has been boast
to descend upon those of change,
with answers that are host
to those within death's range.

And I learned that after loving myself, loving others was more enjoyable.
Despite the hate dwelling inside us,
The memories burning holes in our chests,
And the kisses soon forgotten.
Always forgive,
But never forget.

Why is it that when I talk to you, you turn away
Tears in my eyes, as you walk away
But I still love you to this day
All I can do is just sit here and pray

Born into this world, we were called to live

Not knowing what to do with ourselves

Going about with every breath drawn in

We were placed in different shelves

Experiencing our own trial and strife



Amidst this difference,  we were united by one goal

Appointed to take that certain path

Everyone unsure

About facing the world’s wrath

But do we ever find the cure?



We are only students



Day breaks but night falls

Shadows (sins) are present everywhere

In every area of our lives, our vitality.

Shadows of laziness, insult, lust

Greed, and gluttony



Ships sail, but how many land?

New Years’ resolution,

Faith goals that came with tenacity

Spirit willing, but flesh weak.

Revealing vulnerability



Forever drowning in the ocean

Of hate and insecurity

Forever craving the essence

Of peace and serenity

And tranquility



Endlessly quarreling

About the littlest things

And controversies

Talking Apple vs Samsung vs Sony

How unnecessary!



We are only students.

          

As the seasons brush by

And each day slips past

We start to accept

God has no purpose and plan for me...


Thoughts of

will I ever get into a university?
or
do I have a bright future ahead me?





That is the Beauty of God.

No matter how many times you have sinned against Him

how many times you have ran away

He still say’s “Come to Me those who are burdened and weary”

from Mrs. Rocha to Ms. Linny,

Teachers that train and Mold

the world changers of the 21st century  



Jeremiah 29:11: “ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Deuteronomy 31:16
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

Those two verses has something in common

put your trust in Him, You will surely never come to ruin!



We are students.



prepared to take on every single challenge

to expand the kingdom

here on earth

future teachers

future Preachers

future servant leaders of this nation!

STAND UP!

for we are not just students but ambassadors

ambassadors of Christ

called to reach out

and change the system of sin!

to be the salt and light and be the very foundation,

for the coming generation and the next


so they may no longer see to hesitation

hesitation to do what is good,

and what is pleasing,

hesitation to to serve the King!

cause for every slumber there is an Awakening!

so wake up from this blasted dream,

and let Him wipe away every spec of sin!

for He is the only one!



So go forth! go forth and be leaders,

leaders that will lead the lost through the darkness that is upon them.

So that the Father can save them.

So He Can fix them!

Chapel might end today, but never stop praising Him!