At times, not always
I wish to have been a shoemaker, my design would be a size fits all. I know my style may not suit you but at least you would know how it feels to love and love then lost

Am having to rethink everything, it's been years since your passing and in failing to deal with the pain I've let myself believe that I would never be the same being I was before I knew you. I've let the misery of your departure take control and watched myself as I fall into a pit of depression, one manic decision after another has led me to a disastrous life. I miss you with all that I am and I wish you never had to go away and leave me alone. It feels strange now that am finally reimagining who I am without you.

Your unwillingness to let go of some people, makes me think I should have someone to hold on to, I know you love me and I believe that, but you've also given me reasons to believe that I am not enough to be the only one for you. I know I don't have anything, I know these days to simply say I love you doesn't cut it anymore, but at the moment I apologise that I love you' is the only thing I have to give, I don't have money or any materialistic items other than myself. You've shown me by your actions that you need more than just words and a mortal heart, perhaps one day I will have all you need so you can be mine...

Taring my temple apart and laying it down at your feet. Emotions, heartaches, anger, happiness, love, desires all laid down in simpler paragraphs. Giving you my final chapter for your last chance to understand me.

I convinced myself that I will be able to fall in love without holding on too tightly or giving it my all, yet I am here in the familiar state of emotions that I have found myself in time and time again. Once again I have laid down all my feelings and left out the fundamentals of starting a new relationship, even though I could read the signs. I chose to ignore them, well’ that's my way of falling in love. I lose grip of myself, my values, my standards and for a moment I allow myself to get carried away in a string of emotions and let you pull.

I should've given myself time to heal from the beginning, but really it's hard to think of healing at the time when you are falling and it's made worse when the scars cannot be seen by the naked eye or can easily be hidden with a dash of smile.

I sit here with my thoughts mixed up, not sure whether I am thinking of you or it's just the sorry I feel for myself. I look up the sky and wonder how the **** did i end up here? I've met so many before you and yet I don't seem to have taken any lesson from all the hurt ive been through. Should i continue to feel sorry for myself or should i keep waiting for the stars to align themselves as i wait for you to come back.

What does a man need to possess in order to be considered worthy of your time, i'll give you my time, will that be enough for you to at least give me half of yours. If i said ‘hi darling’ could you at least say hi back. Give me the satisfaction that I have not just wasted a precious second of my life without any yield. Just give me the satisfaction, even if it meant your response was the end of our conversation for good.

I sit here and I wonder, what am I doing wrong, have I been born ahead of my time that I missed my chance to meet my soulmate? I scramble around chasing wind and falling on air. The gentle winds of the south have become so harsh to my calm introverted world. Where do I go now, my zone of solitude no longer gives me any comfort, I can't escape or walk away from the thought of you.