If I were a bird,
I'd fly over the houses, all around the world. Peek inside the windows, watch people live by their lives and stare at faces get old. I'd look closely at every face that shone and every that did not. I'd look for You in every laugh and then in every cry, In every excited child and in every insipid adult. In a person begging for an ounce of life and in a person running from it. I'd look for You in the drowned and the one dissolving in dirt.

If I were a bird,
I'd fly high above the skies, jump above the clouds to have a glimpse of Your light. I'd ask the moon for directions to Your house, I'd trick the stars into leaking Your address. I'd ask sun who he worshiped and inquire abyss who she feared. I'd ask the owls, the eagles and the vultures the secret of a high flight so I could reach up to You and knock on Your door.

If I were a bird,
I'd fly and fly as high as I could in search of Your Grace. Use all my skills to reach You, and even though I would fail eternally, I'd still try and try until my wings withered to ashes and my being blended in with gusts of tireless wind. I'd then visit the places with wind that I could not with wings, I'd look for You till the wind too got tired and decayed in struggle.

If I were a bird,
I'd look for You in all the skies and even above.

But since I'm not
and since I can't soar high above or talk to stars or even see the whole world.

Since I'm powerless and fragile, and finite;
I'll just bow down till my forehead meets the ground that You carved only for me, I'll just cry and cry till You open your doors.
I'll wince and sing till my being starts dancing on the beat of my own sobs, I'll dance and dance till there's nothing.

And when I'll close my eyes,
in the darkness of unexpected but fully invited light,
I know I'll find You.
I know I'll catch a glimpse of You.
I know You'll be there.

You're always there.
You're always here.

So here it is again;
a perfect being staring at a broken mirror
hoping to catch a glimpse of life
in those bottomless, unlit eyes.
Here I am, once again
lost in a fiction that's shattered asunder.
Maybe it's just my reflection that's damaged.
Or maybe just me.

Once again, I'm betraying the Lord,
begging Him for peace in my broken prayers,
in my broken faith.
No, my heart ain't broken nowhere.
It's me. Everything about me.
I am not hurt, I'm broken.
Damaged in many places;
my mind, a mere splinter
my soul, wilted and withered,
my being, decayed.
Or maybe it's just my vision.

Here I am, once again
staring at a dark roof that faces a starless sky.
I try to ache,
I try breaking apart,
and screaming my death out.
But nothing happens.
Sorrow doesn't come by,
no one throws me off the edge,
my voice sinks deep into my stomach, shivering
There's no hopelessness to bring me hope
no pain, no escape, all poetry in vain.

I let my eyes get lost in the hollow of the sky
that looks at me through the glass window.
I wonder how far I actually see
Wonder if there are sparks but my eyes are clouded
wonder if my soul strives to escape the arid of my body
perhaps that's why my heart keeps beating
trying to break the cage of my ribs and run away
perhaps that's why I feel my blood flowing
running and racing in search of a wound, a way out.
I wonder how long I'll last
without seeing a star
wonder how long I'll last before my cracks give in
and I fall into the depths of my own void.

Then I turn around,
Undraw the curtains
and in the dejecting darkness
I convince myself to sleep
for there'll be no whining tonight
there'll be no hoping tonight.
Again.

Yet again.