The monsters that were in my closet as a child now wear masks and tell me they love me
That tree was cut down and our carved initials in the heart was shredded into a million pieces then buried in the ground with you.
The package never said how long the bulb would last though it did say fragile
Fragile like the wings on a butterfly
Fragile like my heart
When all words start to sound the same and that switch in the kitchen was left unknown,  i laugh at rain and cry when it’s sunny

This staircase is endless and taunting
A rollercoaster with no straps
The lights in the building are all turned off except for the top floor
How long have you been sitting there?
All the billboards in this town are for injury lawyers
Yet no one will take my case
Is the traffic worth the tragedy?
The forecast keeps promising ran yet it never comes
I've been raining for weeks though
My streets are all flooded and the reflections in the puddle have been splashing to much for me to see who I really am
My thousand mile stare ends at a broken jukebox who's last song was one I never want to hear again
So much movement in this city that I swear that the perpetuating force is what drives my anxiety
Please just shut off the ******* lights and go to sleep
Go home!
How much longer must the house always win before you gamble your own home?
The parking garage is packed and your car has been at the same location for over a year now
It's a shame that no one wants to inform you that drinking gasoline will not make you feel full
It'll just speed up your heart until the flashing lights fade to black
and her eyes will no longer be your biggest concern

I lost your name is the ashes left over from a burnt-down life
They say it rains this time of year
No matter how much water soaks into the soil
nothing ever grows anymore
Spare me the lost dog posters and just accept the abandonment
The moon is howling back and I didn't purchase these sheets
I forgot time was glued to my wrist and far to much was wasted before I broke my hand in order to slip out of your cuffs
I've been told I wear a life jacket now
Something to keep me afloat when the world crashes in on me again
But dear, I long to rest at the bottom of the ocean
The silence and darkness seem inviting compared to the war thats been taking place in my head these past few weeks
The half moon was lost in a field that holds paint black nights
and somewhere much further away I placed my heart in order to protect it from my thoughts
Every so often a plane lands with it to remind me that love is the most important thing we can have
There's a flickering light in the distance that I'm missing
My compass only points in one direction and I'm walking with a blindfold on and headphones in playing the same song on repeat
No matter how loud the volume, all I hear is your voice whispering about a home we could build and a book we could share
I long to pause time whenever you're around
I don't think we need anybody else these days
The only reason I wouldn't pause it is because I need the rivers to continue to flow in order to follow a path I have yet to see
There comes a time in everyones life where they have to dance alone in dreams and pretend all the pillows next to them are the body of someone they love
I wear this empty spot tonight knowing the true test of time is held quietly in the notes on her phone and her perfume that I miss

Perishable love only becomes relevant once the sun sets on the town you lived in while sleeping apart
Pain seem eternal while stuck in the trenches
Anger feels better then sadness
Though the two seem to dance together on top of my heart these days
You once asked me why I have so many cigarette burns down my arm
Look in the mirror darling and think back on what you did to me
There's your answer
Marks to never forget
I buried a box in a field that they want to turn into a graveyard
In it was the memories of all the nights you let me down
Why accept a ring if you planned on tossing me off a cliff?
Why say I do, if you really meant I don't?
The hotel room I reside in now has a widow facing north
that overlooks the part of the city where we started our foundation and it makes me sick
I hope that everywhere you and him look in my house, you see my ghost
You see the presence of a man that gave you his world only to have your lies eat the stone he was standing on until it cracked and he was washed down the river away from you forever
The last few conversations we've had have been about money
It turns my stomach to degrade love to paper but if that is what it takes to never see or hear from you again, take everything I have
You've become a spitting image of my fathers favorite joke
"Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it."
The hand that dealt my cards is laughing at me for trying to play wilds when it was just a regular game
If time could speak, it'd tell me that I should be embarrassed for wasting so much of it on you
Today, when I went down to the lobby they were playing the same song you walked down the aisle too, and I rushed outside to have a cigarette and avoid the feelings that were bound to follow
They vanished with the smoke and just like my love for you,
it turned to ashes
I also avoid mirrors now
A humorous consequence of getting a lovers name tattooed over your heart
I want to cut it off though I'm already in enough pain
Tonight I'm catching a flight out of town to go be with another
Anothers
Attempting to get in a million memories in hopes that any one of you and I get pushed so far back that I will forget the way your voice sounds
Or the way your hands look
Or the way I adored you most when you were half asleep
Beyond all this hurt, opportunity is knocking at my door
I'm holding off on opening it for now because I'm not ready for anything at this point, and all I really want to do is close my eyes and never wake back up
Because even during sleep, you and him haunt me
After years of being with someone, avoiding things that remind you of them is like dodging traffic
After years of being with someone, trying to move on is like sky diving without chute
Falling
That's my existence this month
No matter where and what I'm doing, your cheating and lying have injected memories in my head that I never even saw, just know about
I long for the day where I'm hurting from another
I long for the day where I forget what your eyes look like
I'm chasing a bag in the wind hoping it covers my face

Straight out of a book, her life crafts pages
The lover who waits until the leaves fall off the trees
and all the people go home, leaving the streets as empty
as the box buried under her porch with all the places
she's never been
Why does the sky spell your name once the candle's burnt out
and lust becomes a taunting game?
The shallow part of the soul has a hole in it
and every time I try to mend it, it gets bigger
Bigger like the stories of love that fill her head
A romance that dances with the stars but will leave you
as fast as the wind will blow that plastic bag into the sky
When you touch fire, the burn never disappears
She will though
Off to the next novel with different storylines but similar endings
Off to the next heart she can dive into and tell a story about the girl
who was looking for something deeper
Something that's worth keeping you awake at night
Something, at one point, I thought we had
My chapter was different though, I believe
My burn never healed
and the years dripped away until our worlds were striped of paint
and all of life was brushed up and tossed into that box under her porch, with just enough space to add something more
I hear a whisper in the wind telling me the depths of life is
consumed by a portrait that doesn't exist yet
and time is only relevant to those who aren't searching deeper
I hear you
and feel your heart
pounding under the silence left in me from the night I realized you
weren't coming home
and my love was kept in a glass heart that she now uses to keep her books straight
Though every once in awhile, you hold it and think of the boy
who's heart was just enough to last until the end
To last until you closed the book and start writing again

She took the role of a killer
A bride
A best friend
A cheater
A liar
And everything in between
A painting hangs on some foreign wall of you welding a dagger in your wedding dress while I’m staring off into the endless sea
The advice is repetitious
Though no words can solve the puzzle of pain
you bestowed upon my life
My life’s
The our has died along with my visions of the family and journey I believed would come true
and tonight I dine on the pieces of a mans heart that are no longer capable of loving.

At last the despare confines in disgression
Be that it dare face furious lethal weapons
A chase for the dawn before it shines so bright
All of the colors we cherish melt like ice
I found something hiding in the back of my mind
Hooked through the cheek reeled in by time
A road not built by man kind
Frozen in place for a poet to ryhme

The shattered pieces of stained glass reflected in her eyes, unleashed the secrets of all the pages burned to preserve a stoic heart
After she painted me grey, I wanted to set fire to all the stages for tricking the audiences into believing the paper cutouts were love
A world full of cardboard wings and failed flights has little hopes of landing in the recycle-bin
It's useless to continue attempting to use an eraser to remove the permanent ink that replaced your shadow
That doesn’t mean I don’t blame you for trying 🖤

It started with a single voice
Telling him to jump off the roof
Now, his head is full of voices
and as far as I know, they are all cruel

It started with a single voice
Now, one of them has replicated me
Convincing him that I have wronged him
Giving no power to my actual voice

It started with a single voice
Now, he believes everyone attempts to **** him
That the world is conspiring against him
That his thoughts have the power to take lives

It started with a single voice
Now, he sleeps in a locked monitored room
Drugged up with anti psychotics
Angry and confused

In the shadows, she dances, like the flame of a candle caught in a draft.
To be falling.
Oh hear me now inevitable earth, for now is possibly all we have left.
In depths of the silence that waits, I pray your face I will recognize.
To get lost in space, with you, witnessing the incomprehensible vast creations and obliterations of all, I hold close to my human heart.

A scar-less life is a wasted life.
In return, while climbing this eternal sunrise I jump, and fall, and bleed, then one-day die.
Worn out and ready to go, I shall one day follow you, reaper, with hopes of being full again.

The compass that is my heart has frozen in your direction
It points towards a living room filled with all our books and dog toys covering the ground
I long to become the 2nd voice in your head that only encourages you to bleed your beautiful stories and poetry for all the world and never leave my side
The most extravagant wedding is a mir circus compared to the galaxies you fill my soul with simply by saying "I love you"
I will dance with your mania and cry with stories until we both are insane
My love, the seed you've planted in me has rooted and will grow until it's a million years old
After it perishes, I hope we become rain drops in the next life that land in the same puddle that saved the last lovers on earth from dying of dehydration
Please dear, don't lose me in your mind again
My greatest fear has mounted itself in your eyes
and the thought of losing you again stands behind the last match in a box in which the world depends on to light for warmth even though the winds are high

I've lost my shadow under a bridge where I lay rest to all the times I've been wronged
It stops by every once in a while and asks me to play it a sad tune on my guitar
******* shadow
******* and all the places I've walked alone
I think the sun and moon are conspiring against me
in order to overthrow my pulse and lend it to someone that's worth a ****
Someone who follows there mind instead of there heart
Someone like you
I watch my ghost jump off high buildings far to often
Antagonizing me to hold its hand
Screaming on the way down all the names of the women who have shattered my world
My existence has become a record on repeat, playing a depressing song about never trusting another to hold your heart for to long
The vinyl has a single scratch that when it meets the needle my shadow and ghost appear crying and begging me to follow them into some dark forgotten place
Somewhere that robs you of your name and hurts anyone who ever loved you
Though silence is not what I'm seeking
My search is not one to numb what's left of me
It's one of bleeding on pages to strangers about a boy who lost his shadow and ignored his ghost just long enough to ride in this vessel until the wheels fall off
Just long enough to spill ink on a book and call it art
Just long enough to remind myself that the hands that created all this beauty and love, are the same ones who created all this pain and destruction.

Being heartbroken in vegas is like crying during a parade
Celebrations stumbling over my abused vital *****
All smiling and intoxicated
Having the times of there life's
While I slowly die inside
The house wins tonight and a ghost of a world I created whispers in my ear, "you have no home"
Even though I left you, apart of me was left
Those walls and our future now haunt my dreams and loneliness
sneaks up on me at night just to remind me of all the visions I’ve had to surrender, roads I’ve got lost on, and storylines  of us I’ve had to ****

I found myself buried in the ashes of the thousands of love poems I was forced to use as kindle to keep the fire going in order to carry on.
Love letters filled with ink drained from scar tissue I’ll never let y’all see again
There is no brightest star in my orbit,
Just to many women that kept a piece of my heart and pulled the trigger, sending me back into the rabbit hole of memories that paint the story of my addiction.
I wake up to songs that promise love but always end in lies
End with memories lined with nails being hammered into my chest
You want to know why I’ve chased these chemicals so many times?
The truth is, I’m hoping the right mixture will erase you, or if not, me
When you love like I do, after it’s over the ghost never leave and they hold a remote capable of triggering the worst of feelings in every waking moment
They hold up pictures and storylines as reminders of paths you were so ******* certain spelled out love, but yours wasn’t forever.
They whisper sorrows that attach to the back of your hands so there’s no escaping the weights of all the times you were so wrong
It doesn’t matter how fast you run, what drugs you take, or how tightly you shut your eyes
All that was, is now forever apart of you!
My friends laugh at the tattoos for yall I’ll forever carry on my skin not knowing that the I do, cherry springs, and the giving tree are held so much deeper then the scull moon, heart on the tree stump, and name on my chest.
Not knowing that covering them in clothing is so much easier then trying to pry them from my heart and mind.
That’s the difference between me and you
My love is not a candle that will burn out one day
It is the sun
When it’s gone, so will I be
When it turns off, all my love as a whole will die
But until then
I love you all no matter what

Your paints bled together and now all you have is gray
Toss on a little salt and everything will be ok
In the wake of the morning I battle to keep you off my mind
At the crack of midnight it's your face that I fight
The space filled by time has locked a door forever
Chasing a thought of closure
A hopeless endeavor
They say as months pass the pain will go away
Fake a laugh and dance monkey on that stage
Hey facts you got me lost again
Never felt so alone surrounded by friends

The primitive violence engraved in wild animals, having to ****** daily to survive, downplays all that haunts us, people.
Does a fox lose it mate and not question where its gone?
How similar does loss and trauma feel in us?
To every, fear is the same.
I don't believe intelligence matters, we're all scared

I see you dancing in our future as our bodies grow old
I, have married my soulmate
Time has changed
My heart has evolved to beat next to yours, assuring it on every pulse that I will never leave your side
The struggles we faced have become one and with every step I take I fight to make your half feel lighter

She painted the moon in gasoline and fired the stars
Electricity will always be faster then you
A prescription sent in,
uncrashed waves that holds what will be written on every tombstone
You don’t have to tell me why you can’t sleep when it’s quite
I can’t either
Tires rolling in 4 different directions
And I’ve cut small holes in the map to see
For the moment, I am nowhere
For the moment, I accept I know nothing and this anxiety is shaped with sharp edges that will tumble in my gut till I am no more
Every red streak in my eyes ends with a different name
Every circled scar screams a dark song I am unable to remove from this endless playing jukebox
Thats why I can’t sleep when it’s silent
The songs won’t let me
My eyes won’t shut
I cant escape my past

Her echo grows further
I am losing her
Or maybe
She's already gone
Maybe she has never woken up in the morning praying I'd leave her mind
Or maybe she has
Sick of running from pain
Tired of hoping you'd call
Why when I had you I didn't want you
And without you, everything feels numb?

The key to my heart is hidden in her poems
The way you dance with words reminds me of how a soft snow can cover the ground
Cover the trash on the streets
Cover all the pains that have stalked me for far to long
The storm never ends though I'd gladly hold your hand as we watch the lightening strike fires across everything that has ever let us down
Will you paint me in your heart and never let it dry
Will you follow me into the dark when there's no guarantee of light
You are the only one who can make grey seem so beautiful
The only one who may laugh at a funeral and cry at a celebration
I want to wake up next to you until I don't wake up
I want to kiss your lips until my pulse runs dry and my dash is followed by a year 5 decades down the road
There's a picture hanging in some old forgotten house of two lovers jumping off a cliff into a black hole
To me, that is us
Falling for you is like opening my favorite book every day with a new chapter written
Like giving my change to the homeless instead of tossing it in a wishing well because all my dreams have already come true
There's something hidden in your poems
Something I've been searching for all my life

Id fall a million times over just to look up and see your face
A carved spot in my heart forever holds you
and every time my sky's turn black, I look inward at your love
The world could be empty besides us, and loneliness would be a distant word
How do you do it Sarah?
How do you cause cities to sink and churches to burn, yet blossom every flower on the planet?
I stopped chasing you years ago and you found me drowning on my own tongue, holding together some distant lie, and all it took was one song to flip my existence upside-down
It's as if every moment with you is sculpted by something higher, something that words are to dull to describe,
something that no one understands, yet everyone is searching for
Maybe tomorrow you will stop loving me
Maybe tomorrow you will show up at my door
Either way, I long to hold you close tonight and tell you everything is going to be alright, even though it may not be true,
even though so much of this life is out of our controle
even though my love may never be enough to make you feel complete
You are my silver lining dear
You always have been
Always will be

Everything will eventually fall apart
You must keep running
Steering towards your masterpiece
The pain must shape you as a vessel that can withstand all the tragedies
Your captains wheel must point in the direction you will one day crash
you must keep running
For all life's tragedies are waiting to shred you apart
To try and misdirect you so that your vision seems impossible
Pain must only be used as another tool embedded in these bodies
For the one thing you are guaranteed is pain
How you handle it is completely your responsibility.
Paint your pain or let it **** you

I stopped telling you your name and hid from the clock
Tick tock
The minute hand is never surprised
But I am
And truthfully, theres no hiding from it
I can see 3 different ones as i write this
As this writes me
I’m shooken
That’s all
Balancing on what’s left of my shrinking hope
Holding my breath as she tightens the rope
That once so lonely wind now holds me close
As I walk past our house a soulless ghost

You kept pouring love in my bucket with holes
I’m sorry that all the Women who used me as target practice have rendered me useless
As a child I use to carve our initials into trees hoping one day you’d stumble upon one of them and think of the boy who couldn’t forget your name
Now all I hope is you don’t forget mine
Regardless of all the broken strings, all I ever wanted was to play your favorite love songs and fall asleep surrounded by your poems
In my dreams, I paint your sonnets yet am always chased away by a silhouette of the nights I let you go
It wasn’t until we cut my heart in half did it become apparent that you actually let me go well before
Never considered a desired type until I fell in love with you
Though the word type seems irrelevant because we both know you’re one of kind
Thank you for sticking me back together and stringing my better parts so they give off the illusion to others that i’m alright even though we both know it’s a coordinated magic trick with a broken man pulling the stings behind the scenes
Not feeling your heart beat removed a crucial railroad tie that caused my train to crash
No expert could of predicted the outcome
A million pieces disappeared and it remains the last bright shining morning of my life
Maybe it’s all because my favorite poet hasn’t released a book
Or possibly because I was blind folded when you showed me the path to your heart
Either way, thank you for showing me how to steer without a wheel
Thank you for proving to me that the most beautiful colors are not colors at all

I desire to show your eyes the beautifully dangerous colors that drain and paint from your heart
I want nothing more then to sketch your mind in a note book and have a million copies printed for the world to see and time to hold
Spell me out of your dictionary and define me through your lips
My waterfall starts from your rivers
My sun crafted by your touch
You’re the only one who makes metal so soft  
and fire so tamed
My silences drowned out by the way you radiate a song that tells stories of comfort and whispers reminders of star’s importance still chained to time
Please grant me an everlasting dance with your pain
I long to study every line that spells out your fears

A bucket created to hold water with holes in it
A turbulent flight that never lands and has no pilots
A crashed relationship with two fictional story lines
Driving with two flat tires while low on gas and lost
Attempting to start a fire in the rain

The way you dance in my glass reminds me that it’s ok to spill
The way you escape through my smoke comforts me when I decide to leave
The way you cut the steam from my rose allows me to fly away
The way your never home  whispers
We’re all going to die some alone some day

I want you to know that this transition is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I keep fighting with the visions I had when we tied the knot but that's all it is, a vision. What I need out of a partner and what you need, we both fell short. Maybe that's why we always used drugs. I just want us both to live long, healthy, and meaningful lives. I believe that is no longer with one another. It doesn't matter about the love inside me for you. The bigger picture displays something more. Something that doesn't involve us being high to cope with our foundations. If I didn't feel life wants us to be apart, I would never push forward. But the way the majority of the lies just surface without any action and the way you were able to go forward with them, paints the answer to the hardest question I've ever dealt with. That we are no longer meant to be. I will always love u amber and care about your well being. I'm just no longer going to be the one who puts you down and you are no longer going to be the one who lets me down. Finish this next week strong. Being sober in a controlled environment is not nearly as difficult as being sober in the free world. Don't forget that. Take everything thing you can from that place and engrave it into your heart and brain. Realize the biggest enemy here was the drugs that robbed us both of more then we will ever know. Beyond cherishing a sober mind, it's all about hating the thing that took the most from you. Let me know if you need anything.

2 pulses free to dance on the softest side of my heart

Around this time of night some anxious depths hovers over my heart
sprinkled with a hint of resentment
All I asked of you along with your hand
was to not work late shifts
I hide behind traditional value to shy away from the truth
That the pain and worry rise after the sun sets and
my commitment to this marriage leaves me vulnerable in the solitude
always kept by being an honest man
I no longer desire to fill these discomforts with party nights and forgotten names, though I'm searching for someway to displace this carving void
Does this make me broken?
A vulnerable man searching for peace when all is dark and his wife is tending a bar
Serving other broken men who fill there void with liquor and just so happen to be in the comfort of the only woman who can fill mine
The irony just completed its first lap and the lead driver is going in reverse, expecting to crash.

I keep mashing and reshaping the clay knowing there is only one shape you would call perfect
I love when you say things are perfect
They must of gave way to cordless phones knowing in this exact moment, I’d wring the cord around my neck as tight as possible just to erase this dial tone singing your name
In my imagination we were close as kids
We had some matching scars from different adventures, and I beat the hell out of any boy who ever caused you any pain
In my imagination, you never left me and the pier in PB has our initials carved into it on the farthest to the right pillar where i proposed
How could of anyone known the  shooken bottle was never going to make it to our lips and the line for the anchor would snap
I’m convinced everyone you’ve come across carries a piece of your hair in there pocket colored with different truths
I’m convinced some of my greatest pieces got mistaken for trash and tossed into the incinerator.. maybe they were trash
Can one feel colorblind?
Can deafness knock on doors and inform someone there ears aren’t the problem?
I tossed the book so hard, it came back around and split open my head

The bullseye has gained so many holes that it's significants has deteriorated
A billion specs and you chose me, for now
I'd give my left arm for a single rain cloud to be in my sky
Just so I cannot be the only thing pouring
A storm is inside and I'm afraid all that were on ships today will not be returning home
Your last words in a bottle sprung a leak and now know one will ever bleed a common pain
They dropped 60 floors in a elevator after the plane crashed into the first tower
The safety break kicked in at the bottem though the fire from the jet fuel under them, burned them alive
All a sudden my  issues seem so small
Why do butterflies hurt your heart my dear?
Why does your personality change with the color you dye your hair?
How come the only person I want to be next too is the one that's furthest away from me?
I'm stepping out of this car on the freeway in order to empty my pockets of quicksand
For a moment, the eye of the storm holds me with love
They say it's quite this time of year six feet under
That medication can help you
That it's best to find someone who loves you for you instead of looks
The church was filled with terrible people who believed God doesn't judge
How foolish of them
Your stepping stones are getting smaller and the crowd awaits for them to disappear

Home is not where the heart is. Home is when I'm kissing your lips. Home is having you lay on top of me on any couch, floor, or bed. Home is going to sleep after receiving a text saying I love you. Home is held in the moments where you push me to shed my scarred tissue and replace it with pages of your favorite books. Home is the parts of a song that connects to your soul that you send my way. Home is not where the heart is. Home is where to hearts connect