Stewie

Stewie Dec 2017

I'm fatigued.
The holidays are draining every ******* ounce of energy that I have left in my depleted body.
It's my first year of going through every thing post-divorce and it's seriously testing my ability to be strong.

Stewie Dec 2017

Botox

The lines on my face tell a story of no sleep and cigarettes.
Too much alcohol and too little water.
Not enough food and not enough care.
The lines by my eyes tell a story of crying after you left.
Laughing when you were here.
Squinting at the words you said when you said goodbye.

I can't erase them.

Stewie Dec 2017

Don't Belong to No Man

You put your cigarette in between your lips and in that moment, I wish I was that cigarette. Caressing your face like the smoke that blows in the wind and embraces your body.

You inhale and in that moment, I wish you were swallowing me whole. Let me into your soul, your heart, tell me your darkest fears.

Instead, you exhale, and I’m like the air that leaves your lungs, gone into the sky with no hopes of returning.

You let me go when you exhaled.

Stewie Dec 2017

Caught Fire

You looked at me and I was done.
I lost all common sense and immediately caught fire.
I tried to control the burning desire and Oxytocin that was released after our first kiss.
Let’s take our pants off and watch commercials in a rundown motel all day.
Let’s eat pizza and forget what day it is.
Just stay with me. Let’s fall together into an unknown abyss of misery, passion, and love.

You’re gone and my fire still burns for you, but with a smaller ember that is close to burning out.

This is me getting over you.

This is me getting over you.

Stewie Dec 2017

The Traveling Man

It’s nights like this, that I wonder where you are.

What city are you in?
How are you?
Are you ok?
Are you cold?
Are you tired of the view out of your window?
Did you sleep well?
Have you eaten today?
Did you drink enough water?
Did you cry today?

Your image has permeated itself into a part of my brain that can’t seem to collect dust. Because I open that image everyday and rehash the same pain all over again.

Why do I do this to myself?

I count the stars in the sky in hopes that it confuses my overacting brain to think about something else. When all I want do is spend my last paycheck and fly to wherever you are and hold you.

I try to shut the voice in my head up, but even that voice, misses you too.

Impulse

Stewie Dec 2017

A Poem About Depression and Anxiety

A parade of happy loving people pass me by on the street.
They notice my tears but keep going on as if I’m just a passerby amongst them.
I’m screaming. Please. Anyone help me.
How I long to be apart of their smiling faces going on as if the world isn’t full of angst, grief, and morbidity.
Anxiety creeps into my brain synapses like an old friend and I can’t breathe. I grasp my neck and close my eyes.
This must be how I die, I think to myself.
Will my parents be ok? What about my friends? Who will take care of my cat?
As the anxiety sneaks away like a thief in the night, I relax.
Who can I call?
Who will listen?
My palms sweat and my mind turns to the deepest darkest thoughts.
My mind is not a good place to be alone.
It’s the equivalent of a child walking home in the woods in the middle of the night; it’s frightening, lonely, and makes you want to run.
But where to?
I’m looking for a hand. A voice. Someone to tell me: ITS GOING TO BE OK, ASH.
But no one hears me.
People from the parade begin to disperse into various shops, ordering their coffees, trying on new shoes, while I come to my senses in my front seat at the grocery store, unable to get out of my car.

-the daily life of depression and anxiety.

Stewie Dec 2017

Intergalactic Road Trips

It’s cold outside. Too cold to be considered a typical day in Florida. The night sky plays a familiar lullaby that surrounds my broken spirit and carries me home. The clouds are breaking apart into a pattern of transition and dissolution. I close my eyes and imagine my energy bouncing off the atmosphere of cosmic infernos and leading me to a new destination full of happiness and serene promises. The stars giggle at my naivety and shove me back towards the earth. I frown and try to grasp the Milky Way, but my hands frolic among nothingness and the moon light blinds my crying eyes. I begin to fall and images of regret and pain crowd my foggy brain. Not everything you see is what it seems, whispers The Moon.

Come back down to earth, please.

#universe #moon #stars #cosmo