I feel like I have spent my life trying to keep steady on shifting sand
Never being able to relax and take a full breath
Never being able to feel like I've found a home for body or soul
Will I ever find a place to plant my feet safely?

I sit by your side and feel the creep of panic set it
I can feel myself getting distracted and feeling more than I should
More than I'm allowed
I try desperately to push it down
Pretend my heart is cold
I seem to forget that you aren't an option
You don't want this
Want me
My silly heart is going to shatter me and I can't seem to stop it

Loving you is like holding a dandelion in a storm
I cup my hands and try to keep you safe
The wind takes pieces of you away from me with every gentle breathe
Until there is simply nothing left to hold onto

I think I lost myself along the way
I spent so long putting you back together that I somehow missed that I was taking bits of myself to fill in your cracks
What is holding me together?
I simply don't know anymore

It's easy to forget I have feelings
I bury them so deep I lose all my words until it feels like I never had anything to say in the first place

Falling in love feels a lot like falling apart and falling together over and over again

Today you pulled me into you and pressed your mouth softly against my head
Your hands warm and solid against my back
Your laugh cut through my chest and I fell in love with you
I don't think I'll ever tell you but it scares me
I want to tell you to jump with me
That you'll be okay with yourself and it's okay to find that happiness in yourself while you find it with me
But I can't push this
I wish you could see what I do
But for now I'll love you and let you give yourself what you need
It's a shame for now that isn't going to be me