Why can't
I have both.
?

Four corners of a room
Pulse, until four corners become
A point, I'm in the middle
Of this shallow house
Where darkness has been
present but now gone
All that lies here is
Emptiness
is all I am
And out is the only place
I want to go.

I believe in the misunderstood, the underestimated, and the overlooked. I believe in society's want for you to stop being creative, to conform, to be ready when society tells you you're an unoriginal, uncreative human being right after you graduate. I believe death is a ***** and that the "living" don't really exist.  I believe classrooms are hell, colleges are satans, and teachers are noble but wannabe St. Peters. Grades aren't supposed to judge but everyone judges by numbers. I believe everyone hates society but fail to know that they ARE society. I believe in the failure to connect and that those who are isolated are the ones who have the most potential to be great. I believe scientists are better bosses than management graduates who are taught to follow the money when scientists are taught to follow the truth. I believe the truth is a lie and that the world is nothing but a big fat machine. People are liars, I am a liar and I  believe everyone is just dying. I believe suicide is courageous, because facing the unknown is always more courageous than facing the expected. I believe in the plastics and  the cynicals. I believe in poetry and I believe in absolutely no one and nothing at all.

I will not ever forget
How much I relentlessly could never wait to see
The numbers behind your eyes
How, when I saw 10
I knew instantly you were sad
I saw 10 when I saw
How you kissed that pretty girl
More passionately than when you kissed me
How you saw me
As a shattered piece of China
Regretful of what was
And In pain of what you couldn't fix
I saw 9 when your dog died
And I saw 9 when I left
I saw 8 when we fought
About something you didn't do
About something important
That has now been lost in the void called memories
I saw 7 when you called off our anniversary
'Cause I got hospitalized
And you were worried sick
How you couldn't live another day without me
I saw 6 when you got sick and I called off our date
I saw 5 the first time you confessed
With all the effort
And all the flowers
In stems and in words
And I without remorse
Turned you down
I saw 4 when I confessed
With none of the flowers
Nor intentions because I thought
I was being unfair
I saw 3 on our first date
How your eyes lit up
When you saw me
In that little blue dress
And every single date after
I see 2 everytime you saw me
2, everytime we held hands
2, every single time we were together
Here I am
Wanting to go back to 1
I saw 1 the first time I kissed you
And you kissed me back
1, everytime we kissed
1, The first time I spent the night
1, Everytime I spent the night
1, The first time I told you
Oh My God I think I love you
1, Everytime I told you
My God I still do
1, The first time I told you there wasn't a forever
But I promised you
Infinity exists
And everytime single time I called you
My Infinity

My Infinity,
Infinity does exist for us
My love
It lies in what has happened
And how much we remember
How much we can grab hold of
Inside our void of memories

My infinity,
How much of a fool I am
To realize your eyes
Are only reflections of mine

My Infinity,
You haunt me every nanosend
Of every second of my life

My Infinity,
Please
Never
Let
Go.


My Self,
Find the person
Who doesn't have all those sparkly numbers
Deep within their sparkly eyes
Who never speaks of math
Nor numbers
Nor anything related to Infinity
And
Forget your love  for numbers
And never ending endings

Dear Self,
Please.