He must’ve forgotten he called me the moon when our pinkys were intertwined and his smile lived on my lips. How do I say this place revolving your life while a distant planet is not the life I wanted?

dear God,
do you hear these prayers?
i sink to my ****** knees each night
speaking so my ears can hear once beloved words
tumbling from my lips
they can't exist if unheard by anyone
but do i count?
are they heard by you?
if you hear, then you see
these salty creations that fall from my eyes in pleading
dripping dripping
leaving streaks of forbidden water
pooling and collecting
the debts of nights i had forgotten about you
do you feel these cries?
is this your wish?
Satan must run rampant with your blessing once again
to see if i'll curse your name and wither
is that why you had given me all
to take it away?
to place me here, lined scars kissing my wrists
emptiness in my soul
all for me to say 'Blessed be Your Name'?

Sometimes,
I wonder what would happen if I waltzed into the river
when the waters dance with polar whitecaps.
Watching ghosts replay the night
I see myself in a trance, a dead gaze
treading barefoot to the empty dock
loose shirt and stripped pajamas
eyes closed
silently counting.
One leg is swallowed into the blue
the other follows.
Kissing chills seep into my shorn armor
and lap into my openings.
"I am selfish,"
the water records
my last words
Floating, a feeling once reserved for bliss
exchanged for an eternal abyss
"I am selfish" I pray, falling asleep under cloudless skies
Darkness closes then I am blind.

They said they found her blue on the sandy broken shore.
The oyster kissed girl, open brown eyes
***** hair laid wildly with the grains.
Palms and lips, cruel and cerulean.
They say, "She was bright," a starless night.
"Had she stayed, she could've moved mountains with all her might."
"But she prayed for God to take her away,
no more waking up to see another day."

Broke down, pricked my fingers
hoping my blood led to whatever lingers
but if that's how you want to play then hand me the joystick,
it's time I stepped out and played some new music.
I'll sing the song of how I killed myself with only a few bruises
strangled by the rope of your well meaning abuses:

I'll start from the beginning- who else could compare
to the face I beheld, I could only just stare
sunset fell with laughter in the air
pen to page stating you'd always care
'give me the chance, just one dance,
I'll never let you down, never allow you to drown'
I read those lines not knowing they applied to me
but I'd hoped the girl with brown eyes would find you easily
I guess she did, by the looks of it, it wasn't me who fit the bill,  
Hm, well, maybe the swirl is worth the thrill.

But I'm getting ahead of myself, let me rewind a bit,
to a time before today when I wasn't out of it.
You stepped forwards, played chess
hit me with a full press
told me you meant your promises
and your logic kept you from lawlessness
woefully sadistic hypnotic verses spilled
and when you spoke my heart was filled
no words could capture, I believed you limitless
only shrouded by the cloud of the world's bitterness
my only wish was to make you smile
just as you said, "I'd run for miles".
I should've known from the jump just by looking at your friends
a love like ours couldn't be real, it was all pretend.

In her eyes I see the luxuries you couldn't afford to give me,
yet you asked for my everything and I gave it willingly.
I should've known the most beautiful things are haunting
and still I see you, and her, taunting.
So give these words your inspiration
I'm spinning the tale of your own damnation
pride comes before the fall, if only that applied here
If I could I'd save you, but you're too far gone, my dear.
You thought you could spare me and see yourself the victor,
if only this sickness didn't happen, you wouldn't be with her,
but you see, you're to blame for this downfall
cause I remember a certain promise that forbade such protocol.

If ****** want some smoke I'll give them the lighter,
step into the ring, I'm a heavyweight fighter.
It's your game, you started these fires
simple apologies presenting indifference towards your desires.
You posted your words and tears,
and the world gave its lending ears,
Yet when I speak daggers are thrown,
**** *****, shouldn't the truth be known?
You traded me in, no harm in the long run,
I just hope her daddy don't got a ****** gun.
I don't mind the knocking of words in fact I hope they inspire.
(Ladies, don't believe any ******, they all some bullshitting liars)

'Lyssa got her groove back, wish it didn't come to this,
but I hope her touch leaves a scar with every kiss.
I tried to move past this, even contemplated the worst
But I can't leave this earth without spinning one more verse.
Now it's the end I have no words for you,
perhaps at the end of this, I'll become anew.
If you're reading this I know your eyes are turning
I just hope you know by now I ain't afraid of a little burning.

a number of days and counting
till im sent off to war
fought between ink stains and forgotten words
and I’m standing at your door
to ask for one more
under blazing stars and supernovas
with our fingers intertwined
and your laugh on my lips

in this
i am remembering
what the truth is
within beginning

In the moment
everything is fleeting
and while a flame unfolds
from my frozen hands
a glimpse of  
a shimmer of
the end
rises with the horizon

yet you turn with a smile
greeting the morning
giving me the footsteps
of your becoming
leaving me
one last promise



and so i remained
waiting for your return
but then I realized
my obsession with beginnings
stems from the fear
that all i am comprised of
is endings

and so
i am letting go of the idea
that i must be empty
to be filled

Eyes turned downwards in the shame of loving and forgetting, when love has been waysided to the lust of youth

Days were floating by as we struggled with our heads dowsed in the blood between our veins.
Our blood of memories soon to be
lives yet to be lived.

Your voice plays on the broken record in my head
all I can hear is the silence between three words

Thousands of lives between us
millions left unsaid
an infinity to continue beyond and a forever that doesn’t last always
Yet we pray, howling to gods that have faded away with the eastern rise
we pray for longing, the lingering effects of verses with unknown tongues traded and abated under our scorching sun
But let the moon love us in this absence
Let my love keep you from drowning
Let truth shine her light upon you
Removing all that is lost in searching
Still and quiet with time
painted and tainted until the dust removes one forsaken layer of words staining the cracks of new beginnings
‘You will always be golden to me’

The glistening earth motions back and forth as kisses from poison weeds graze fingernails
coated underneath sickly green as skin is scraped and bleeding
Broken syllables of a name once far forgotten tattooed above a heart
as spider claws trace the outline of pectorals
Straight hairs and lambs curls intertwine in a lonesome tango beneath ghostly cotton waves
Creaking creaking the ship of seas can take no more of her weeping aching sighs
salted waters take over and dribble from the openings of life and hatred
Trophy wife,
token gain
What is that smell on your shirt?
What’s the name you say as I take you in my warmth? As I absorb your anger of the world?
What’s that name?