the truth? i like you.
A lot. You make me
happy. You make me
laugh. you're smart.
     You're different.
You're a little crazy,
and  awkwared, and
your smile alone can
make my day.

As I drove home I
I found my fingers searching
for hair to pull,
and coming up short.
I felt that familiar pain
in the middle of my chest,
and that unwelcome thought
popped into my head.
*"I'm going to end up bald."

I wish for rain to strip me clean
carrying away all the pain.
I wish for sunshine and hot temperatures to warm my skin and
remind me to leave behind the things that weigh me down.
I wish for someone to understand me
not the me that wears the mask but the me when it crumbles away.
I wish for my friends to tell me what the hell is going on
and not just leave me in the dark,
especially when I’m needed.
I know I’ve pulled away, not for lack of love but a need to
re-introduce myself
to my own mind and the ways it’s changed.
I wish I was needed even just a little bit. I know I’m not the gentlest soul
and my hands aren’t soft the way yours are.
I know my hands are rough and demanding and harsh,
but I try to to be gentle and comforting.
I just need to know you’ll want me to be there when all else fails.
And I need a little love. Real Love for me
and not the frail thinly veiled love for my mask and unfailing loyalty.

Tonight there is no moon
and the purple skyline
bleeds the color of my skin.
There is no wind.
There is no time.
There is no sin.
There is no moon.
Only those aching shades of blue,
and the ruptured veins within.