Seeking sanctuary within the caliginous abyss,
Eminently awaiting Death’s ineludile kiss,
I sit and reminisce,
About all the sins committed & soon to commit.
Down on my knees beseeching God,
To free me of the odds.
I chuckle back tears,
It’s quite ironic after all these years,
How all the fears,
Deep revelations & still nothing seems to be coming clear.
Tell me, my dear,
Do you ever feel the darkness hidden in rain?
Do you ever wither beneath it and succumb to the piercing pain?
I can feel his grasp closing in,
He’s been wondering about when I’d come to this inevitable end.
Death marks it’s scent in the air,
He’s clearly coming but I can’t even commence to care.
It’s too late to escape the chains tarrying within his lair.
As the black eyes of death meet the brown of my own,
He extends his hand,
“It’s time to answer for your sins.”
I guess this be it, friend.

My soul salivates for fulfillment,
Ailing for that forbidden touch.
A sort of hunger grumbling at the mind,
A serenade which has since revealed itself to be a trance.
As our universes collide,
Two find worlds untouched,
Looming suspense,
Journeys down paths distant from domestic lands,
No evidence of the truth,
Could drive this girl to suicide.
For it doesn’t all end with the unexplored,
But with this mirror before my eye,
The reflection glowering in this direction,
Deprectiates the torture of the bitter loneliness,
The demons of this land finally mutilated.

Break the silence, pulverize the travail,
Leave me woozy as you try to sneak away in the night.
Intoxicated on ardor,
Inhaling your allure,
Whisk me away, and where we land,
I pray we stay.
Dilated eyes and kaleidoscope skies,
Dancing this dance,
So elated, I could die.
You break my soul, yet swell my heart,
Everything about you a true making of art.
****** could never match the high,
Alcohol and other drugs could never get by.
We sway with the evening,
Burn ourselves searching for the meaning,
One more hit is all I need,
One more hit I beg and plead,
Depraved and yearning,
Withdrawal of you has ignited the itching and burning.

A tired woman, I be,
Fully and truly.
Death is all which lingers in these eyes,
Nothing more to see but an end,
But the bleakness of this soul.
Morbidity reeks through this skin,
Pain exhausted,
Words of others are spoken,
Yet they remain unheard,
Faces pass,
But all I see is that dark light.
A silent piece shouts out inside,
Aching for someone to revive this spirit,
She shrieks, she cries,
But just like the words others have spoken,
She remains unheard.
And as the faces which pass,
She’s forever unseen.
What only could this mean,
For a fate lingering in balance?
Will she fight death & accept the challenge?

Trapped in this realm for so long,
I can barely remember the light.
Shadowed lands all around,
Shaded demons whispering in the distance,
Their agenda set,
Now is the time to run,
But the weight of the darkness has grown since our last encounter.
I reach for anything to help me crawl,
I see you reaching down,
Yet the more I try to meet your grasp,
The farther you retreat.
The whispers crescendo rapidly,
Closer,
I can smell the rotting evil spreading closer.
Something touches my ankle,
Awake I suddenly jolt.

My demons have emerged.
They’re prepared full throttle,
The thirst to devour my soul,
The salivation dripping from their lips,
The scent of death upon their skin,
Hell’s darkness occupied in their eyes.
I could run,
Yet I’m exhausted of this same dance.
I stand, tormented with the lashes of their hate,
And with each tear of flesh,
I see them in me,
I see the loathing and emptiness in my soul,
The hollow within my own eye.
Do I dare fight anymore?
What’s the point of it anymore?

Three souls hang in balance with a choice to be made.
A battle between what you know and the start of something new.
Craving desperately for what you’ve had,
Believing that body be the one you deserve,
Fearing the other soul to be mythical,
Mere imagination.
One, you gaze upon with beauty and grace,
While the other radiates in your eyes,
Swells your heart and reigns over your mind.
The longing for a familiar touch,
But the surging impulse for a touch of this new universe before you.
The want to taste lips of the one you know,
Yet you pine evermore to savor lands unexplored.
Three souls hang in balance with a choice to be made,
Will the old continue to reign,
Or will this new one finally be saved.

Stand and deliver,
Declare what it is that penetrates the vibration of the world
Shatter what you believe to be real of the universe.
Sink into the depths,
Drown beneath such travesty,
Emerge through the flames with ferocious atonement.
Sun kisses upon the face of evil,
The optical illusion that is deception,
Deceit from fellow man,
Betrayal from our own souls,
A search for healing,
Scavenging for the answers,
A treasure hunt around the realm,
Only to return with empty hands.

Travesty reeks these hollow halls,
Death lingers in my heart,
Oblivion in my eyes,
Why is it no one hears my silent cries?

the seroquel isn’t working this evening,
the effects of the lithium finally waned.
as I lay awake,
anxiety plummeting through every vein,
breathing going in & out,
halting at the moments needed most,
I dream of you.
missing the moments where’d you touch me in ways no mortal soul could,
how easily you could rejuvenate a lifeless girl in a troubled world,
the way you’d release the trepidation from an overworked mind.
I can’t help but weep,
for the destruction you brought is more than I could bear,
but **** it, what do I even care?

Off in the distance,
A woman sits, cold,
Shivering in the rain,
The only true look on her face being disdain,
Her hair tattered, dishelved,
Her eyes, piercing with unspeakable pain,
Filled with tears of the years of scorn,
Screaming the terror of a heart ailing for love,
But never receiving the adorn.
She speaks but only to herself,
Of the masquerades life has rummaged her way,
Of the days where laughter annihilated her silence,
Of the times the mightiest sauntered in her presence,
When she gleamed with impenetrable grace.
“Fantasies,” she utters but in a whisper,
“I live for the fantasies.”

My soul burst through the atmosphere,
Finally facing that ridiculous fear,
Answering the questions,
Immersed in Kant’s Critique of Reasons.
Obliterating through tricky paths,
Reiterating the reality of what I believe to be within principle,
& yet as I ponder during my journey,
I wonder about how will I determine what principles really mean to me?
The thoughts taunt me,
The drugs drowning out the racing wonders.
I finally sit back,
Calming down from the oxy high,
Breathing,
Reaching for the blunt to my left,
I’ll worry on such ordeals more tomorrow.

Continuously pondering why me?
Why must I be the face of such misery?
They tell me, be smart, be kind,
Be free to express your mind,
And yet, all of these traits,
& no one to find me quaint.
No love to come,
Just utter confusion and pain that never seems done.
I wonder what I did to deserve such confusion?
What happened and was it all an illusion?
Is everything I felt merely pretend?
Am I truly destined to walk this lonesome path until the bitter end?
Tired of it all,
Tired of never being enough but null.
What’s the purpose of love to be in it alone?