Akwana Wa Odera

Akwana Wa Odera Jan 2019

Felt like dying today
I've just been surviving these days
But still anxious to see what
Tomorrow holds
As the day unfolds
I fail to understand my course
How i wish i was a rose
Just to know how it feels
To be adored sand loved
Even if it's just for a while
Even though the rose often wilts
It once felt wanted at least
I envy the molds and yeast
Always ****** and despised
But had a fair share
On crumbs of wheat
Sometimes i just sit
Painfully staring at my wrist
I want to, but fear
To let them bleed out
I am a misfit
The *******
My life is a cliffs
How do i shift
When I'm always blocked by reefs
I'm holding on to a small leaf
My position is at a balance
I fear i might fall deep
Never to see the surface again

Akwana Wa Odera
@therealakwana
© 2018

#depressed #lost

Akwana Wa Odera Jan 2019

I'm locked in my head It's a prison let me be...

I felt terrified...
Petrified!
My fears intensified,
Then without warning
My body became too hot
Like i was being fried.
I start sweating
Frightened as a child
I fear to even wipe the sweat out.
I'm like a tout flouting my
Embarrassment,
For judgements to supersede.
From these shackles i yearn
To be freed...
I'm enslaved by my own creed
With no hopes to witness
My salvation.
Isn't treason a serious felony?
Why then is my mind not in
Questioning?
Has it gotten to you too?
No wonder you seem helpless to
Intervene!
I'm locked in my head
It's a prison let me be...

Awana Wa Odera
@therealakwana
© 2018

Akwana Wa Odera Jan 2019

*A ghost with no reckon...*

In a world full of people
I feel so alone
I am so withdrawn
From reality, i don't
Know what's real anymore
It's like I'm in the middle
Of a crowd
And I'm drowning
But no none notices as
I'm battling and struggling
To breathe
Gasping and flapping
Shouting for help
But only a squeak comes
Out
My screams get trapped
Within my throat
I'm tightly strapped
Not with ropes
But thoughts
My mind clouded
I can't remain afloat.
I heard them say i should
Talk.
That it'll help repair what
Broke
But I'm not broke no more
I'm passed broken
Like fragments of glass
I'm shattered beyond repair
I'm a ghost with no reckon
My purpose i fail to fathom
My life just turned to a phantom
Tired and exhausted
Weary and forsaken
I can't count how many times
I've contemplated to die
I hate hope
It's the most elusive of all
Always encouraging
Only to break me more
I have no seen wounds
But I'm always sore
I didn't ask to grow
I didn't apply to be born
I didn't choose to be a bore
Why then do i always feel so low
So alone
I misspelled the word enthusiasm
Now I'm no longer enthusiastic
To enthuse
But I'm always eager
To know what tomorrow would hold
That's what keeps me strong
Maybe not for long....

Akwana Wa Odera
@therealakwana
© 2018

Akwana Wa Odera Jan 2019

*The king is me...*

As happy as a king
They say...
In my own rights
It can be a thing too
You know,
Me being a king
On my own seat
With raised feet
A king in my own sense
With no pleasure to rule
The world
A king of my own place
I do and please my wants
A king not for fame
But just me being the same
A king with taste
I mean music art and chess
One with a humble face
A racing heart and
A curious reasoning mind
A king of my own kind
A king with a sound mind
A king of me
The king is me

Akwana Wa Odera
@therealakwana
© 2018

I just prefer being alone

#solitude #anxiety

Akwana Wa Odera Jan 2019

Where did we go wrong?

She came home
Still in her school outfits
She hugged me tight
With tears rolling down her eyes
She was filled with fright
'it happened so fast,
' This is all i have'
She mumbled as she cried
Apparently there had been a strike
Students burnt down the dormitories
And refused to attend class
The teachers to afraid
Were out of sight
The police had to intervene
Causing a clash
With rubber bullets, mallets
And tear gas
The police squashed and beat
The students hard
With stones, sticks and any tangible object that could be held
The students retaliated
Just to ******* the armed blue men
Thumping of boots
Shouting and screams
Bullets fling
There was circus in school
The students were sent home
Suppressed without giving
Them a chance to talk
A conflict resolved
With no interest in the
Root cause
Two nights are long
Another school catches
Fire
The dormitories are down
Then you'll here them ask
Where have we gone wrong?

Akwana Wa Odera
@therealakwana
© 2018

School fires in Kenya were so rampant last year

#school #fires #students #strike

Akwana Wa Odera Jan 2019

*My flow, my style, my poetry till i die*

I heard you are a ****** writer...
Ooh I'm glad
So my name you've heard
I'm having a show in two
Weeks time
I might just send you a card
These ****** critics
Always ready to criticize my style
I've managed to move a mile
Say all you have to say
As long as it doesn't cost me
A dime
I'm not threatening,
I'm just giving you my word
Get the **** outta my work
Or I'll mix you with sand
Poetry is my world,
A canvas i get to paint as i want
So when i pass and you chant
I pity you wondering when
You'll get yourself a life
Akwana Wa Odera is my name
One I've always struggled
To curve
With endless perseverance
To achieve my self preservation
My goal is to be one of the greatest
With poetry being my path
I write for the Meek
And to showcase the life
I've lived in the past
I write for the present
Just to prove to the world
That I'm here and I'm alive
I write for the future
Hoping for the best to come
I write for me
Me myself and i
My ink is my pen
What i write is i who decides
Let the critics criticize
My ink they'll never minimize
They can add a few lies
But i swear I'll fly past the skies
My flow, my style
My poetry, till i die?

Akwana Wa Odera
@therealakwana
© 2018

Akwana Wa Odera Jan 2019

I'm 25...

At the age of 25
Life has led me to an early
Retirement
Reasoning has become a requirement
Thoughts in my head are a
Permanent placement
With a hundred percent lack
In interest.
How i wish i could protest
I need a bigger safe just for
My thoughts to invest
The thrusts i feel within my
Chest
Sometimes gets me wondering
If this breathing is a test
Every time i clench my fist
Just to release the anger and
The pain down to my wrists
Why I'm i always ******?
It's like my behavioral
Are always fix,
And with a turn on the switch
My true characters lift...
My actions unpredictable
My movements are swift
My mouth shut
I don't want to speak
I'm mad and my breathing
Paces are quick
I'm left consoling myself
Maybe I'm sick
Maybe it's life
Constantly playing tricks
Day after day
I'm facing the same
Occurrences,
My timetable is fixed
A shrink asked me to put
Down a list
He wanted to root out the ****
For my sake
He wanted to help
But he forgot to burn the seeds
So I'm still stuck in my hell
With 25 clocking my cell.

Akwana Wa Odera
@therealakwana
© 2018