“I’ll call mum and tell her about that”

There isn’t even time for those words to form in thought
They are just felt
Joy, grief, longing
So close together
And so quickly
That it’s almost at the same time
In one heartbeat
In a fragment of a moment
And if you could look at time through a microscope
It would show a whole other world
A complex vortex of feeling
On the pin head of a moment in time

Hot pools lurk behind my tired eyes
A forced smile holding it in
Brain fuzzy
Tired
Tired of the stuff
Other peoples stuff
My stuff
Life
The good things seem dull
Now
The promised rest
A dot of light on the horizon

That memory
A thorn in my throat
I don’t have to wear waterproof mascara anymore
But the thorn
The thorn is still there

If I am still
I can hear the birds
I can hear the house creaking
As it stretches towards the sun

If I am still
I can see the skin on my hands
The lines
And things they have achieved

If I am still
I can feel my heart beat
I can feel the air moving
On the tiny hairs
In my nose

If I am still
I can feel time slow down
I can look at myself from above
And see how wonderful
I am

I can see
How much wonder
There is

I can hear your message
But it’s not loud and clear
It’s whispered in pockets of silence
In soft leaves rustling
Clinging on the trees branches
Ready to move on

I can hear your message
It’s spoken in the stillness
The tiny moments in between
The fast pace, loud world

I can hear your message
If I stop and notice
If I listen to the beat of my heart
Its almost as though
I hear the beat of yours in between

Gently, relentlessly
Whispering confidently

You can do it
You can do it

Of all the places in the house you could be
You’re sitting on me
Sharing a moment in time
Oh, isn’t this divine

And then you're gone.

The rain surrounds me
With whispers of empathy