It has honestly gotten to the point where you are no longer my one desire.

God is.

It has honestly gotten to the point where I just want to be friends with you.
Just to know you as you and not the man in my mind, I am breaking  you down you know, you know that fiction I made of you in my mind, the fantasy I would call on to rock me to sleep or to comfort me when I would refused to go to my heavenly Father.

Lie by lie, fiction by fiction, lust by lust, I am breaking the false imitation I made of you.
Demolishing it till the foundation is clear.

But now I want to know you, talk to you, make you laugh knowing
I honestly do not have feelings for you but only Philia love towards you.
I honestly want to understand your actions and why you are who you are.

I don't like you I just want to know you.
I no longer lust after you, but I now see you as the human God made you to be.

There is a burden in my heart, there is a wallowing in my spirit, there is a heaviness in my heart.

I want to do more in you lord, I need to do more in you Lord, I find it hard to let go of my desires and walk to you.

But with the little strength I have, I'll call upon your name and I shall be saved, I'll lean into you for help and you'll be my guide .

I come to you lord.
My heart needs you.
My strength grows weak without you.
I know your strength is made great in my weakness, so I come to you father. Please help me.

My tongue has not always been merciful towards you.
My eyes have not always displayed my affection for you.
My ears have not always listened to you.
My hands have not always helped you.
My feet have not always walked towards you.
My heart has not always loved you.
My mind has not always thought justly of you.


I now see that this too is your first go at life.
So I'll not take that right away from you.


I will make sure my eyes always display my affection for you.
That my ears always listen to you.
My hands always help you.
My feet always walk towards you.
My heart to always love you.
And my mind always thinks justly of you.

The beauty of life is found in the small things we observe.
The smaller details we decide to pay attention to, fragments of life we decide to pick up to create our own images and perspectives of.

The beauty of life is found within, that is a decision to not trust ones own self but rather Abba in all of his wisdom and understanding.


The beauty of life is found inside out, accepting that what you see on your body is beautiful and does not deserve to be  demeaned by your own lips.

The beauty of life is found outwardly, in the way we choose to speak to others, whether those we dislike or those to whom we forget we love so much.

It is He who makes me whole.
Not man.
It is He who restores my soul.
Not man.
It is He who has dominion over me.
Not man.
It is He who will truly fill me.
Not man.
It is He who will truly love me,
Not only man.
So when I forget, and begin to return to my *****, Lord please remind me,
"I know the plans I have for you, plans of I good and not evil, plans to give you a hope and a future."
Good things sometimes take some time.
The eternity that you have placed in my heart, I cannot see from the beginning to the end, but you can.,
So I wait on you.
So I look to you.
Remind me o Lord that you are the only one who makes me whole.

God: You call that Love? I call that
         infatuation.

Man: You call that love?

God: I call that raising a nation.

I do not understand love.
That is why I place myself before your eyes.
I do not understand love.
That is why I desire for you to behold me in all of my complexities.
I do not understand love.
For all I have ever given is lust.

I do understand love.
That is why I pray for you instead of allowing my heart to brood over you.
I do not understand love.
So I will try my utmost best to not gaze at you.

I do not understand love,
But I do understand that there is no future for you and I.
I do not understand love.
But, I do understand that you are going places that I have not yet been called to venture into.

I do not understand love But I understand that I am here to speak life into you.
I do not understand love,
Yet I Love You enough to not hold onto the version of a man that I have turned you into.