Tossed into the dark sea,
sank my courage,
sank my hopes,
and sank me.
I was always told as a child,
“the world is full of kings and queens,
who blind your eyes and steal your dreams.”
well I never met a king,
instead, a forced life at sea,
and everything was taken,
far away from me.
maybe my father meant,
that life just isn’t worth it,
or maybe he meant to stay strong?
i think that's *******.

My father is 54
My mother will be 55
My brother is 21

My father cannot lift over 30 lbs without dropping dead
My mother cannot lift herself from her bed

My father can only survive on an array of medications
My mother survives by the grace of Adonai and Radiation

My brother wants to **** himself
with a gun he says one day he will get a license
I beg him to stay with me, I try to talk some sense

My father can no longer do the things that he loves
My mother can no longer do most things in general
My brother's misery is congenital

I beg them to stay with me but can only do so much
God has turned his back on us

oh you called me up the other day,
saying how you'd been missing me,
well yeah i've missed you too,
but we've been so busy finding who we want to be.

you said you weren't free this week,
that's okay i guess,
but my dear friend i've waited so long,
this has turned into a mental test.

"i'm headed into boston" you said,
"then to vermont i go",
i told her then "maybe some other time",
and she said "let's make it so!"

well yesterday came around,
and a quarter to three,
the news came on and i was shocked,
fear took hold and gripped me.

they said it was a bomb that went off,
it was a terrorist attack of some sort,
but i knew you'd be at that finish line,
and my blood ran cold & my breath became short.

i called you up,
to see if you were okay,
you didn't answer the phone,
were you to live another day?

ten minutes later you called me,
with sirens screaming in the back,
i was on the verge of crying,
"i'm so glad you're safe i almost had a heart attack".

you said ten minutes before the bomb,
you had asked your father to take you to eat,
you had been standing right where it went off,
they would've covered your body with a sheet.

we may not see eachother that much,
but i sure as hell know,
that if i ever lost my bestfriend,
i'd have nowhere else to go.


L.O.

My world has come crashing down on top of me
like the Eastern front of Belarus
where the Nazis took so much
where they massacred my family

I've worked so hard all these years
just for fate to decide that I'm unworthy
of any type of love or safety
I am now being burned inside my own home
I can hear laughing outside

My family always told me how scared they were
that I would be alone in this world
that they would never see me happy

Unfortunately the oracle was right

i just want to leave,
a few marks on my leg,
so that every time i look down,
i remember i wish i was dead.

i remember my friend laughing,
even in the worst situations,
which would usually cause the teachers,
to yell.

i think she did this,
to cover up her other emotions,
to drown them,
keep them silenced beneath a pillow.

she was loud and "obnoxious",
and she very much annoyed,
other students when,
they tried to work.

she sat next to me in math,
complained to me about everything,
i never thought to really listen,
but maybe i could've helped.

one day here,
the next day a cruel joke played on the class,
"the highschool councilor is here if anyone needs to talk",
"she took her life last night".

how'd she do it?,
"she hung herself in her closet",
this is a terrible sick joke,
"we're so sorry to have to tell you".

could i have helped?,
"this is none of your fault, kids",
but what if i had tried?,
"she was far beyond anyone's help".

she was only twelve,
"her thirteenth birthday would've been next month".
and for the first time in my life,
i prayed to a higher being for her safe travels into,
another kingdom.

"take it day by day" they say,
but how can I do that when
some days are so beautiful,
with the sunshine upon my face
& the grass between my fingers.

but how can I do that when
some days the rug is pulled from under me,
with broken hands desperately reaching
& nothing to grab ahold of to steady me.

some days I drown and some days I swim,
but most days I just want to stay in.

oh me oh my,
you've captured my eye,
seeing you with someone else,
i think i'd rather die.

oh my oh me,
cannot you see?
your presence, aura,
has swept over me.

oh me oh may,
i want every day,
to be with you in bed,
and just for hours, lay.

oh golly oh gee,
you're what's best for me,
i finally have you,
and you're all i can see.

oh gee oh may,
i'm scared one day,
you'll see me as i for myself,
and you'll walk away.

you've got these big tired eyes,
that follow me all the time,
bright blue like the sky,
it's so odd to say you're mine.

i'd like to live inside your head,
but i'm far too ****** to leave my bed,
and if you were water, i would tread,
but instead of sinking i'd float instead.

if i could go so far back,
to send a note that bears a fact,
that my past self shouldn't crack,

*and instead continue to love you.