What is there without you
What is there without me
The wind and the grass
The hollowness inside me?
The emptiness yet peacefulness
Of nothing.
What is there without you
What is there without me?
What is there without any of us.

Don’t understand the risks that you make
For me...
I don’t want to understand the
Pain you deal with me.
Don’t let me know.
I don’t wanna know.
I can’t deal with letting you down
I can’t manage
I don’t wanna know
The disappointment I ring to you.
To everyone
To anyone.

Acid in my water,
Poisoning me deep.
Living cautiously.
Knowing one day
My life can be taken
So quickly.
Acid in my water,
Yet it taste so familiar.
Like I’ve been drinking
It my whole life.
I’ve been drinking my whole life;
21.

What have I become?      
Blank stares and a blank mine.                                                            ­         
 Doubtful of any happiness to come of me.       
 Sad.                                                 ­                  
 Feeling lonely.                                                 
 Doubtin­g the ‘love’ you have for me.                  
Am I wrong? It’s not like you show it.                
So am I wrong?
I feel alone like if no one knows it.                                                          
But you do.  
You know it.

I laugh yet I don’t know what you said.
I catch myself staring at nothing
While you echo in my ear softly.
“ are you ok?”
...
I reply with a smile and a chuckle that I practice every night.
“ yes” “ daydreaming”
But I lie.
I lie all the time.
I don’t dream not even at night, the thoughts keep me up.
But how could you know; how on earth would I even be able to talk to you.
It’s ok.
I’m strong,
I’ll be fine.
                                  Yours truly,
                                                    . . .

Hurt me and break me,
Laugh and betray me;
Then you come back when you’ve realized
What you’ve done.
Hate that you need me,
Mad that I don’t.
Mad you can’t save me and mad
I can’t help.
Put your problems on someone’s back and leave.
Walk away.
And that’s just that.
Mad that I’m not here to take all your crap.
Mad that I won’t put up with your ****.
Mad I can’t play therapist.
Mad you don’t have no run to run to
Because you push them away.
You push me away.

Finding your way, enjoying the days
everything is led up to these beautiful days.
everything is going good,
everything is going great;
when your stuck never finding out
what day ill soon take.

i cry for you.
i cry for my life to be mine.
i cry for happiness.
i want that.
for myself, for others.
i want to live happy, i want to write.
i don't want to go to the army.
i don't want to work hard for things that wont help me,
be happy.
i want to live.
i cry and beg to live;
happy.

Sometimes I wanna be in a band
Or a club.
Around people to have
A connection;
With people.
Something that makes me feel apart
Of something
I wanna feel;
Something.

She plays with they're hearts
Just like they did to her before
They pay the price, and roll a bad dice
While she earns yet another mice to lead blind
She loves them all deeply however she can never fall
Never again -
More and more fall for her like poison
And just as you expect they fall-- fall and fall
Boy tears they flood her world while she swims and enjoys
While they simply drown.
Yours truly,
                      . . .

Carry on,
just carry on.
No one pays attention so we all just carry on,
living in the stillness but we all just carry on.
No one changes, no one creates,
we all just carry on.
Carry on.
Get through it,
And try to carry on.
Don't just carry on.
                                                  yours truly,
                                                                    . . .

What is there without you here?
Me.
I’m here empty.
Why must you hurt...
Me?
Is it my fault?
Has to be.
Your perfect.
You deserve better than me.
I am at fault.

I don't always need to go out
i cant even think of how it would be.
conversating with other when they have no room to think;
no room to think about the most important things in life,
only room to think "hey, do you think i can get that guy?"
No i cant do it, not at all;
to busy stuck communicating with the people in the wall.
There more open minded,
more wise... more alive.
                                                       yours truly,
                                                          ­           . . .

Wake up to the AA, never a day without.
look to the news, schools out?
Its only April.
Another protest i cant make,
another protest
another protest,
yet no change.
My youth being killed everyday unjustified because of people's hatred.
A threat he was
12 he was, 14 he was,15,16,19,40,36,32.....he was a threat.
17 killed today because of "bulling" i suppose, he was just ill an broken,
poor him right? right.
1000 more suicide a 1000 more hate crimes at its lowest this month.
more murders than anything against the people who just want to love; who want to live the way they want.
My friends heartbroken
families being ripped apart, wondering if they'll be the next to go.
Our leaders are full of hatred, making fun of the ill, no respect for the women.
because of that i no longer have rights to my body, not like i had them really anyway.
No means No,
but your distracting the staff ma'am that's against school dress code,
go home and cover up your collar bone.
I'm 14.
You'r making it hard for the adult staff... ya'know
The ****'s we hired to teach you, the ones that make YOU uncomfortable.
cover up,
that'a all we ask. ;)
                                                   yours truly,
                                                          ­          . . .

my dear hollow heart,
why dont you fill?
why are you so cold,
so stiff?
why cant they make you smile?
why must you bed like this?
i know,i know but that was a long time ago.
it wont happen again;
i think.
just stop judging,
stop crying,
stop hurting.
...
stop beating.

a new world discovers me
loving me dearly.
happily loved.
I am.
he makes me feel again
like I’m
reborn
again.
R.

A love like ours they say is hard to come by.
A love like ours.
The outside looks
Yet the inside hides; in plain sight.
No know asks or dares to think other wise.
We’re happy.
Right?
Yes .
Is what I have to say.

She played me like a game
And i was so oblivious.
I let her lead me in time;
thinking i was the only patient.
my eyes cry more than they ever did before
i wait for her to see me, but she noticed all along.
they say heartbreak takes time to get over;
but i'm running out of time,
i though she was a fallen angel needing me to guide.
But instead i fall in the trap she set in my mind.
my eyes are dried no more tears to come out,
now i just sit in this drought caused by emotions.
                                                       yours truly,
                                                                       . . .

I make my bed and I lay in it.
I stay in a trance that’s seems to last
Forever
I make my bed and I lay in it
And I live in it
And I cry in it
And it all lasts
Forever
In a ongoing loop
In a trance of
Pity
Of nothingness.

The lights bright up the darkness,
The darkness i had gotten used to,
the darkness i was once scared of.
"Things aren't always bad if you give it a chance,
live with it for a moment; have a little faith".
i listen to that.
I wonder deeper into the dark not knowing where im going,
but it gets peaceful, quiet.
I hear a boom of sound in my ears,
a light follows.. as do I.
i realize i seem to fly in the sight of the light.
I was falling before;
i fly now.

Happiness doesn’t always mean peace and syrenity

The joy you get hurting me
Your laugh taunts me
Your happiness is my pain

Happiness doesn’t always mean peace and syrenity

He hurts you yet you go back to him
You hate him but cannot stop
Your in pain but somewhere deep inside your happy he’s still in your life

Happiness doesn’t always mean peace and syrenity.

People don't take things in,
They don't see whats around them
They don't take in the blessings of life,
como cae la flor
también lo hace el persona
The trees, the sky-- the beautiful sky
People don't take it in
they don't realize the many blessings
They're able to witness everyday
They stop seeing
And start complaining.
                                       Yours truly,
                                                          . . .

I'm sorry for not being able to understand
I’m sorry that you couldn't see how selfish you are
I’m sorry you went out that way
I’m sorry you lived that way
Sorry i couldn't understand how you felt
Sorry i can't ever know how you loved
I'm sorry.
                                                Yours truly,
                                                                    ….

Shes a work of art they say
"A miserable young thing isn't she?"
They don't understand her mind and thoughts
But me; i see whats behind the curtains
What shes been trying to show us
She's a work of art
Isn't she?
                          yours truly,
                                           . . .

The hearts of their old souls beat fast
His breath taken from him.
An optical illusion to some eyes
yet simple to mine.
         She dances in the moonlight rays,
        He prays to see her again someday.
        She dances her way off the stage;
        into the dark abyss.
He cries at the thought of seeing her again,
Forever wishing to have just one last glimpse one last kiss again.
He cries and weeps,
like a faucet in a sink;
            While they all fell bad for there love story,
            such a short story.
beeeep
beeeep
He wakes up astonished;
looking in a gaze; proud to see another day.
Just to realize
His love was taken yesterday.
                                                      ­     yours truly,
                                                          ­                . . .

the moon is her best friend.
destiny in a glance of the eye
a feeling.
of peace,
of wonder.
A feeling of contentment
With the world.
she could sit for hours.
Talking;
Wondering.
with her best friend.
parece para siempre
en la juventud

Circles in my mind
Love fills my time
Staring blindly
At your love
Round in round in my mind
My heart loops for years
Until a glitch
Until a pattern
Stops.
Until you stop.
Running circles in my mind.


Mind fields.

The person you think I am was never here
You think you know me when u don’t.
People assume,
People just don’t care at all.
And I guess that’s why I feel lonely.
The people who think they know me don’t;
And the people closest to me don’t care at all.
I’m stuck with feeling that no one really cares.
And I guess that’s okay
Because they all care when I’m gone.
When they realize what they didn’t do.
          
                Yours truly,            
                                   . . .

A circle never ends or stops going.
Endless, forever and ever.
Leaving seems to be your strong suit.
Never great at returning.
But you do, you always do.
I imagine that I’m supposed to wait now.
For you to return. To come to your senses.
Again.
A horrible cycle like a snake eating its tail.
Til someone stops it Till someone breaks it.
But a circle never ends, or stops going.
Endless, forever and ever.

My love did you ever want to be mine?
Did you want my problems?
Or did you fall in love with my exterior.
The way my body curves;
Maybe the way my hair curls?
Did my eyes deceive you?
Or was it my lies?
Did you ever want to be mine?
Deal with the problems I face every night?
Or did you want a good time?
A little foreign in the bed.
On and off
Yet I don’t linger in you head ;
Like you do in mine.
You suspected everything was fine.
But I lie.
                                   Yours truly,
                                                     . . .

Loving you is a crazy dream
I can’t get out of.
No matter how bad
I try to wake up.
How bad I try to grasp
Reality.
You are my new reality

Your like the night skies,
beautiful but scary.
I don't know what lingers in the dark,
whats going on with you inside.
But you give off a gleam of beauty,
of stillness;
of hope.
                                            yours truly,
                                                              . . .

En mi mente te veo allí ( te veo allí)
No puedo dormír,
No puedo comer ;
sin ti aquí,
sin ti aquí.
no quiero saber
que ha sucedido;
no quiero saber.
recuerdas ese día cuando solíamos divertirnos?
cuando soliamos tener amor.
solias sostenerme,
solias sonreir;
pero ahora no haces.
y solo me pregunto;  
quien es ella.
y por quē ella se ha llvevado mi amor ,
como puedes dejarla tomo
nuestro amor.
no quiero saber.

                                                yours truly,
                                                                 . . .

Change starts from within,
but what is there?
A bunch of junk;
Thoughts that have no meaning,
Demons i cant let go,
love i don't know how to give.
Hope.
The world defeats  me with everything it has.
Hurt, Pain, Anger, Violence.
I want to fall and cry for those
who are trapped in this poverty of hell.
But i can not,
i will not.
I will change this world,
while i change myself in it.

Purple lights dance on my skin
Leave my presence
Free.
Leave me
Free.
In the moment
In life
Loving it
Feeling it
All at once.
All at one time.
Feeling life all at one time

You live off of hate
Off of the joy of oppression to others
Off the way you think others should live
Because you believe they deserve it

You hate the feeling of being unwelcome in a place where your people have made a mark on
A BIG mark on
A horrible mark
You don’t like how people are trying to erase that mark
“Racism” you think
“Reversed!”
You don’t like the way people treat you now,
Even though you treat people like this everyday.

Soul mates are souls.
Not beings
Not parts
Souls.
Pure.
Filled with love
Each other’s love.
Soul mates.

Always on the run,
running from everything.
Never pleased, never happy,
just lost in your own way.
Can't sleep, cant breath;
everything is pushing in.
Everything seems to be gone while your
stuck,
stuck in the wind.
Stuck in your own mind.

I wish I was born back then.
Beach parties and old cars.
Rock N’ Roll and milkshakes,
Slick hair in all.
But that life ain’t meant for me
Either way.
I woulda been at a protest
Apart of the
black panthers party instead.
I woulda been representin’
The Jazz N’ my fro
Puffy hair and all.
That life meant for me;
In every generation.

The day after Christmas and all thru the house
No one seems to be up because today isn’t special, not like the other
Not like the one when we pretend to be happy;
when we pretend to be christian
When we pretend to care
Everyone wants the perfect gift
And to show it off on they're social
But all i want is to have the comfort to wake up again
To see her again
But she’s having a great Christmas i hope
In the sky above.
                                         Your truly,
                                                          …

Writing for yourself is hard,
Writing for others i find easier.
All you need is there name and their eyes
and can imagine everything they hide inside.
For me i feel its harder, because i know what I'M hiding,
i know what scares me ,
I know what brings me to tears.
But someone else... someone else,
I can imagine anything,
i can see bright futures
and i can see hope,
All in the eyes of the being.
                                                           yours truly,
                                                                            . . .

She  types and types,
trying to make a simple story.
She loves and loves,
trying to make a love story.
She pretends and pretends,
to be so deep.
When all she really needs to be
is unique.
You see she doesn't think she is,
she doesn't do anything.
She sits she thinks and sometimes she tries things.
But she tries the wrong things,
she wants to have that thing.
The "thing" everybody else has,
that makes them special in a way.
But she doesn't have that 'thing';
because she doesn't seem to realize that,
she is that "thing".
                                                        yours truly,
                                                                       . . .

His hair twirls in such a pattern,
his mole so small;
stands out to me.
His eyes so big and brown...
his heart so empty and sad.
He doesn't speak , only looks.
Someone had taken that happiness from his heart
so he keeps it locked up.
He tries and he tries
but never says a thing,
waiting for happiness to be that "thing"
in his heart again.
                                               yours truly,
                                                                  . . .

He don't know what to do
She need the medical
And he need some food for his people
They still ain't call him back and he worried now
She getting sicker and sicker
While the man getting richer and richer
He never wanted to do it, never wanted to go out this way
BAM
She needed help; and they needed some food.
He had to do it, it was the only way to get some money...
"****. "    car pulls up
" Mane i'm sorry ill have it for you in the morning"
"..."
BAM
The End
                                              yours truly,
                                                          ­     . . .

you in front of me
Makes me wonder
What should I chose?
my life or yours.
my life;
which intersects with yours?
could that matter to me?
to you?
could...we matter;
together?

Truth is it *****,
truth is its hard.
Never knowing if you going live through today or not.
Losing hope of mind,
losing friends one at a time.
Trying to stay strong
because you know how hard you work,
Trying to live good,
trying to be stress free;
trying to accept things and just let them be
but truth is its hard.
Truth is it's hard.
                                             yours truly,
                                                             . . .

Drippin
Down the water fountain.
Dying slow
Yet nobody’s watchin.
Life’s a slippery *****
But whos trying?
Life consumes me down
Into madness.
Life is short,
But nobody’s countin.
Kiss me slow
Until I can’t stand it.
Life washes me up
Until drownin.
Dying slow
But hey,
Who’s watchin.

The way they move so happily
The way the lights dance on their skin
I wanna feel like that
I wanna be like that
I want what they have
The girls
In the movies
When they’re happy
When they’re dead.
Dentro.

Drowning in your presence.
Filling my lungs with false thoughts,
And hope.
I try to grasp reality but your pulling my legs down with you.
With you all.
The sea of strangers.
Of the hopeless, of the ones stuck.
Not going anywhere but down.
Into the abyss.

No one ever see's the pain they cause.
The beauty of a soul they turned dim,
hollow,
empty with only dreams of fillness.
maybe you didn't mean to.
But no one ever see's the pain they cause.