I know you want to seem unbreakable
And strong
And impassive
But I know that you’re hurting

My arms are open
Big brother
And I know you won’t accept it now
But they’ll be open whenever you need it

If she had the audacity
To break it off with you
Over the fact that you weren’t coming over
Because the roads were too icy
Than she obviously wasn’t good for you

You can’t honestly think that she was the one
When she was always getting mad
At the tiniest things

She doesn’t deserve you
I know that you thought
That she was the brightest light in a dark room
But nobody is perfect

So don’t beat yourself up
Too hard over this
Because trust me
It’s not worth it

If you ever need a hug
I’m here
Big brother

i tell the hummingbirds in my belly
to keep track of all the places
they've started fluttering

a doorway in virginia
where you stopped and gave me that grin
and i heard your voice calling me "honeybun"
for weeks

a couch in memphis
pulled out and covered like a ghost
i felt transparent as you slept
and rolled over to me
but you curled around me like a flower petal
and that's a smoothness
i can still feel

a backseat in south carolina
an alternating current of whispers
about things we can't change now
and jokes about things we
wouldn't want to

a living room in knoxville
your assortment of alcohol was
displayed on your cheeks
rosy and pink and i wrote a poem
about it already, about how
i wanted a hand on my knee
but i was fine with little giggles
on the walk home

on a plane in california
you were thousands of miles away
but i needed you to tell me
that i'd make it home safely
and you did

a late night diner on melrose place
french fries and opinions
i told you something important
and i don't think you've forgotten it

four a.m. in the back of the library
talking about biology
and our favorite things in life
we'd laugh until nothing was funny
and then we'd just be honest

in a booth in the middle of a mcdonald's.
i had forgotten this one.
i had been wondering recently
when our friendship actually started.
what were we,
before honeybun?
before sharing a bed?
before car rides home?
before too much wine?
before i needed your steadiness?
before too much backstory?
before hours of biology i never even learned?
before that first time,
when our group of friends
said, "let's meet at mcdonald's"
and it turned into just me and you?

when did the hummingbirds start fluttering?
when will i learn
that they're not going to stop?

a coral reef would never judge me
for taking up too much space
it would just sway in the current
and tell me that
there’s a whole ocean out there
and i don’t have to settle
at the bottom.

this morning the sunlight was heavy
the air was like a blanket
and my brain told me to rise
but my eyes, they told me to rest
i did both
and thus, found a february peace
on the sidewalks.

apology... accepted.
how is it i am meant to return fire with
a smile
i take every blow with the grace
i could never find in you.
do you rip kindness out of me
for the hell of it
or because you can't find
your own?

arriving home at daylight
a twelve-hour light-headed joyride
if you’re at home thinking you should’ve kissed me
you’re right.

i didn’t feel anything.
not when the curves of the earth
dipped into valleys and we plummeted into each other
not when we draped silk between our mouths
and kissed each thread into dust
not when i felt the honey from your tongue
cascade and soothe my worried heart
i felt nothing even when i pretended to
and i do so wish i had any regrets
because tomorrow,
i will still feel nothing,
and i will still want to.

the sanguine red
sloshes around in the glass
and it tastes so much better
off your tongue
you’ve got merlot
hiding on the back of your teeth
i hope to decay
with that taste
in my mouth.

its a lifelong feeling of
thinking i woke up in the wrong bed
i don’t know how i got here
it’s soft and i’m so tired
and maybe i’ll just rest for a while
even though i know i don’t belong

i wrote a story about my life
popping like a balloon
and she didn’t want it;
i guess we all get stuck with things.

i think about him when i hear a love song
and it makes me smile
but then i think of you, too.
and i lose my breath at the thought.
i would love to settle for him,
but i know that song would come on,
and i would slither away from him
inch by inch
until i found my place beside you.