i just remembered when it all began to fall apart i was in mid-thirties weary of taking advantage of women i wanted to change grow become better person more compassionate find loving respectful relationship maybe marriage i knew i needed to step away stop

chicago 1985 Odysseus is a stranger to himself living someone else’s life does he really want what Mom Dad Chris want? is he lying to everyone else or himself? he snorts another line of ******* moves on to next girl in dizzy way he is having time of his life so much occasion to waste doors to open slam rooms to pass through “In the room the women come and go, talking of Michelangelo, and time yet for a hundred indecisions, and for a hundred visions and revisions” thank you t.s. elliott his ****** liaisons carry on from several weeks to several months begin with him adoring some girl or she adoring him little fires that burn themselves out for his part infidelity is rarely in question instead typically he or she feels let down by some personal response or character trait and simply stops calling in actuality no girl ever bothers to stick around they follow his lead and evaporate his mind draws a blank he wonders what do girls want? Deep inside he knows nothing in life is greater than the love of a woman he would have liked all those girls to be just one girl but she is missing where is she? occasionally he will run into one of his ex-lovers on street she wears an expression that hints why didn’t you phone me back? why did you stop calling? he suspects she is playing victim in self-satisfying charade in fact Odysseus crosses into new territory it is difficult to go back he hones his edge no longer is he wonder-stuck child possessed by curiosity for girls he requires **** and kink longer buildups then urgent bursts of effort drawn out climaxes nameless girl wearing tight jeans cowboy boots braids whom he meets in drake hotel elevator pushes stop button she ***** him off he has **** *** with tan-skinned french-canadian female tourist in telephone booth on north avenue gorgeous longhaired creole girl from new orleans ***** him on fire escape stairs **** *** with skinny punk girl in dark alley dutch foreign exchange student gives him ******* between parked cars on clark street weird awkward *** with goth girl in graveyard ****** by older blond woman who positioning herself underneath table in ritzy restaurant he has *** with chatty college sorority girl in jet lavatory he goes down on nerd girl wearing thick glasses in criticism section of depaul’s library he gets ****** ****** by perfect stranger in lake michigan each evening before he goes out prowling he looks in mirror wonders what strange female he will have *** with tonight it always surprises him what a person might not admit to or accept but allow or give in to if the right moment or if the right person is there not that he is particularly the right person rather he stumbles onto an astonishing streak there is the paris/milantokyo fashion model with stylish french haircut who possesses astonishing beauty perfect ***** and haughty temper after night of too many ***** martinis and ******* she announces “you and your friends are going nowhere  you’re all second-rate artist losers! and your cousin and his group are obnoxious *******” she flips him the finger then shoves him he shoves back resulting in dual arrests and domestic violence charges there is the tall blond stripper who totally fulfills his ****** desires once she lets him insert garden hose up her **** laughs uproariously as stream of water shoots out on another occasion she requests he *** in her *** he begins to believe he will marry her she insists she is too low class for his family one night she drunkenly hurls champagne bottle gives him black eye drives away crashes her car there is blue-eyed sweetheart with divine ****** loving touch who after months of sleeping with Odysseus confesses she is ******* some other guy and swears she will be faithful in the future she begs for his forgiveness as he loses it pushes her out door throwing her clothes after her one girl lights candles gives him full body massage ******* another girl holds him tight cries pushes him away one girl writes confessions with permanent markers on walls of closet another girl slaps him yells why? why why why! one girl runs to toilet pukes passes out on floor another girl sits up all night talking teasing never relieving him another girl falls asleep snores while he is in conversation one girl makes fun of small left ******* later gossips to her girlfriends he meets girl who will do anything except allow him to enter her ****** he meets girl who is professional escort she offers to do him for free she has lots of toys videos he declines they mess around she gets him off with ******* he meets girl whose ***** hair grows to mid-thigh she incessantly calls for her dog Bertram! he meets girl who shivers moans furiously cries laughs when he climaxes he meets girl with self-inflicted scars on arms legs who only wants it up her **** he meets girl who likes gagging deep-******* him to skull-**** her harder the better he meets girl whose ******* are so fierce she loses complete control drenching him sheets with her fluids excrement he meets girl who wants ******* squeezed so tightly he fears he will draw blood he meets girl who likes to talk ***** slaps his face as he is reaching ****** he meets girl with gargantuan ***** ******* as large as thumb she gurgles hot breaths later tries to steal string of beads he meets girl who enjoys lactating on his thighs while she gives him head he meets girl who knows how to contract vaginal muscles so tightly all he does is sustain ******* inside her in order to reach ****** he meets girl who pees tiny squirts while he penetrates her **** she laughs wildly he meets girl with furry mound who requests he **** on her as she masturbates he declines she reproaches him accusing you’re not nearly as freethinking as you pretend to be in fact you’re full of ****! he meets girl who wants him to act out **** they struggle he meets girl who desires to be ******* whipped he is not into inflicting pain he meets large strong girl who forces him he never tells anyone about incident he becomes mindful many females are more depraved than him women remain puzzle to Odysseus he is repeatedly astounded shocked can never predict about girl what her ******* ****** will look like whether she has eager *** or what are her secret desires he is explorer women are vast mystery he wonders are females as sexually driven as males? are they as vulnerable? is their **** like tiny *****? he speculates if completely unknown attractive woman walks up to any average man grabs his crotch many possibly most men will willingly allow it are women that weak? more than anything what most excites Odysseus is female lust handjobs are test of adequacy distinguishing character having masturbated thousands of times he thrills in having girl do it he delights in watching her arousal just staring at his ******* is captivated by method of her fingers hands revitalized by degree of her determination throughout he needs to ****** her ******* ****** *** titillated as she licks lips after swallowing ***** he realizes if he were female he would be total nymphomaniac yet he finds it difficult to imagine desiring men are all so like him women are so strange fascinatingly different he craves their otherness Odysseus loves women more than they love themselves smell sight of them sends him into frenzy problem is he fears their power over him

it’s been 25 years since those days i live alone for many years in tucson arizona have not been with a woman for long long time last relationship 2001 with crack ***** i hang my head cry wish for love wonder do i deserve to be loved pray to be forgiven

the niggly nasty narcissist
who keeps you off the road insists- to stay in all your thoughts he sits and strips your magical mind to bits with all his games and all his grifts a punch a preach consider the junk he's ******* sift, mist or haze
send him away
cause your wisdom yo its better than this,
so think - the ways to rip this spit
im a free man now
peel the author away from this
blow your mind !
just to see the way that i can outline this
and keep myself a verse afar from all your ****

Nobody chooses a bottle willingly. A pill or a loaded gun, in the end it's all the same.

We're waiting, still, hiding. In our holiest of places:

The kitchen and the office. A quiet sideways-slide into the last available stall in a casino washroom. The seat is still warm.

Teachers don't tell kids that drugs are bad. They told us that we were the evil ones for deep-******* a bottle of ***** every Friday.

They didn't know what we had to go home to.

Cancer sounded better than living past 20, and that's the thing that they'll never comprehend:

There's always a reason underneath overdose.

The only time a drug is bad is when you can't afford it, and you're sitting alone in a fetal position crying in need for a chemical bliss that you've caressed over and over; a blanket covering memories. Feelings. Emotions.

The only time a drug is bad is when you're too **** poor to grab anything better than a box of Benadryl and a dimebag of shake.

The only time a drug is bad is when you're anything but rich an' white and pretty, because then you're not addicted, you're having fun with the price of 1,000 a week at an all-inclusive rehab resort.

Drugs don't discriminate, but people sure as Hell do.

There's always a reason underneath overdose.

There's always a reason underneath.

There's always a reason.

I deep throated
a rosary once,
so
I could feel
closer to
God.

After that,
I went
to his
"friends" house
for
Sunday Morning Mass
&
I went up in-flames.
Uhhhh
I
Guess
I'm just
the
anti-christ
super-star?

No.
I'm just
a
Black haired
Bandit.

Is there one word that holds the power?

The breath created by humble lungs
The frequency resonating a once unheard ******* thrum
And cunningly shaped by a Loquacious tongue

To awaken the minds of the sleepers

Or is it emotion soothed by an ancient vibe

Of Universal Love

But what is Love?

Like a tender mother’s hug Found in the eye of your first friend
Before gazes averted strangers
And embraced the world by steady trust within
Separate tables pushed together
Greetings warm with heartfelt laughter
Everyone singing their own song
As a global chorus comes
On like a rushing blast of heat from the opened oven of love
Forward like the sea foam after the rip tide fades
Onward like the feathered wind, invisible
Yet its presence manifest in ethereal ways
The crescendo of 7 billion voices strong
The thumps of our brothers’ hearts beat out a mighty tune
Pounding the drum of a once deafened ear
The fiddlers from the forest meadow and the rushing of the leaves
Reminding us of our nature
As Oxygen consumers
And carbon dioxide providers

Have you heard the killing of trees?
No, but its seems to be all the Rage
Everywhere I go, seeing tree stumps line the way
Yet green grows evermore
Our living spirit chooses life
Because of darkness
The Light must shine

If I am You and You are Me and no one gets lost in-between
the cracks and the gaps of the sidewalks separated by all too distant train tracks
and the windows of the restaurant protecting the paying customer from the reality of the man
on the street corner
surviving the long night of the soul
Urban deserts, Moniless pits
Filled with human suffering
but human all the same

we are One
God
Different faces
Different Eyes
Different names
Wandering the Earth
Waiting to be saved
Or for those on top
maybe just judgment day

she chokes on gun powder
and then she wonders why
her heart hurts and her
throat burns? Was it fun
deep ******* the gun
when the bullets were too
silver for your animalistic heart?

On Drugs
Stop, drop and roll,
stripper dancing on a pole,
missing the toilet bowl,
having no self-control.
Drinking morning coffee,
inside hotel lobby,
seconds that are sloppy,
that's my favorite hobby.
Being super drunk,
more than a skunk,
***** has shrunk,
****** rock is called punk.
Smoking last cigarette,
withdrawal is a threat,
I still prefer a cassette,
will always be in debt.
Eating eggs with some ham,
with my good friend Sam,
will never eat a yam,
but will snort a gram.
This is a big mistake,
putting **** in my cake,
on your head is a snake,
it's time for a break.
Can't stop the giggle,
deep ******* a pickle,
boy it sure does tickle,
mystery wrapped in a riddle.
Shot ****** in the park,
dozing off in the dark,
my arm has a giant mark,
needle bites like a shark.
Smoked me some killer crack,
teeth rotting and turning black,
I cut myself no slack,
smoked **** and had a heart attack.
Now I'm as dead as a door nail,
my parents, I sure did fail,
can you believe I graduated Yale,
death sure does beats jail.

Words of my heart were left unspoken
Fears abide collision of what and why's
Though I had much pain still unforgiven
Keeping my cosmos fight to your abyss

Life is rather an illusion of war
An persisting pain of cut-******* scar
Blandishing words loose were not enough to hear
As how life after love left with fear

Agony of reminiscing past times
Such no remedy
Even a poets structure of rhymes
Not all likely


I'm just stuck in reverse.

Cuddled up, feeling her warmth,
Running my hands Up and down,

Caressing her body,
Every bump and curve,
Every twist and turn,
My hands working their
Way down slowly down,

To her hips, pulling her in,
I lean my head into hers
As we slowly touch lips ,

Moving my hand round,
To hold her ****, as we
Rub against each other,
I start to tease my lover,

Stopping for a moment,
I take a step back as I
Unbutton the top button
Of her jeans, and slip

My hand down, rubbing
Her *****, I can feel it
Through her pants,
Getting wetter and wetter,

She starts to moan that this,
Moment couldn’t be better,
I love my hand up and down
Pushing a little bit harder
With my *******

She’s really wet now, I can tell,
I pull my hand up and out,
Then back in, under her pants,
I can feel her freshly shaved,
Naked *****, dribbling onto
My hand,

“She’s so *****!” I think to myself,
As I get an *******, she’s see it,
Shows me some affection, she
Moves her hand down and rubs
My ****, stroking it, it feels so
Right, I might just **** her, tonight,

She carry’s on the rub,
As I start to slip my
Finger in, only just
Breaking through as
I move it back out,
And back in again

I start to push deeper,
Getting faster and
Sharper, I move my
Thumb to play with
Her ****, she moans
A little, I push my
Finger even deeper,

She begins to whimper,
Her legs shake, her grip
Tightens, as she rolls
Her eyes to the back of
Her head, I stop. Pull
My finger out, and go
Back in with two,

This time more to the point,
In and out, in and out,
Still getting deeper,
Still getting harder,
My thumb back playing with
Her ****, she’s moaning now,

Telling me to keep going,
And how good it feels,
I do as asks and keep
Driving my fingers deeper
Into her wet *****,
In and out, in and out,

At this point I’m going
Fast and deep, she
Gonna *** soon,
“Yes! Yes! Yesss!”
She screams as
She begins to ******,

Her abdomen cliches up,
Her ***** tightens,
Her legs stiffen,
She moans once more
And then releases,

Her ***** starts
To leak with ***,
She dripping...

To my surprise she then
Pulls my trousers down
Half way, and my pants
Then begins to stroke my
**** in front of her face,

I want to have *** now,
It’s all I can think about,
“I want to go further”
I tell her...she’s more
Than happy, “**** me”
She orders,

I pull her jeans all
the way down and
Take them off, then
Pull her pants down
To her ankles, bend
Her over, she arches
Her back for me,

I push my **** inside her
Tight ***** dripping
With ***, the first push
In, she moans, I take it
Back out and then go in
Again, and then begin to
**** her,

“Deeper!” She begs as
I burry my **** further
Inside her, getting faster,
It feels so right, she’s so
******* tight, I knew then
I’d always remember tonight,

I keep going, as she begs
For more, she’s moans
Again, and again, telling
Me how good it feels to
Be ****** from behind

She starts panting and
The moans get louder,
She’s gonna *** soon,

I pull my **** out of her
Sweet sweet ***** and
Admire the beauty of her
Naked ***** and ****

I move my hands to her hips
And turn her around, life
One leg up, and then the
Other, she’s surprisingly
Light, and amazing tight,

Pinning her naked back
Against the wall and lifting
Both legs in the air, I
Push my **** inside her
Again, this time I don’t
Give her a chance,

Going straight in,
Fast and deep,
Fast and deep,
She’s loving it,

Biting my neck, digging
Her nails into my back,
Her moans are continuous,
And so so loud, she loves
Being ****** I can tell,

I can feel myself about
To ******, so I stop.
Put her down and she
Goes to sit on the bed
Starts stroking my ****

Back and forth, she’s a
Natural, then she puts
It in her mouth, and starts
To **** backs and forth,
Ooh she’s good at it,

And wave my hands
Through her hair to
The back, and pull
It into a pony tail held
Together by my hand,

Then start pushing her
Mouth, further down my
****, she encourages it
And starts deep *******,
I start moaning “ah yeah”
And within seconds more

It’s over, I came into her
Mouth, she swishes it
Around for a moment
Then swallows,
Ooh she’s good,

But then I look down and
See her beautiful *****,
Still so wet, begging for
More, I kneel down and
Start to finish the job...

I spread her legs apart,
Over of my shoulders,
Nestle my face into her
Crotch area, and begin
To lick in between her
***** and tight,

Short, quick, licks,
After some short time
She starts to push my
Head inwards, I know
She’s wanting it now,

I move my head over
Her ***** and begin...

I start, short, quick licks,
Flicking my tongue around
Her ****, she’s loves it,
Then every so often poking
Deeper with my tongue,
Only just braking through,

I focus my tongue on her ****,
Flicking it around still, then
Move my hand gently up and
Along her thigh, and rub her
***** a bit with my finger,

Then up with the finger, down,
And finally in...then out then in,
Repeating it, ******* her fast
And as deep as my finger while
Playing with her **** with my tongue,

She’s moaning so loud,
Like before her legs stiffen,
Body tenses up and she
Let’s out a scream of
Pleasure, she orgasmed,

I clean my **** off and
Clean her ***** out,
She puts her pants back
On, but leaves her **** out,

I lay down in the bed and
She joins, lays on top of me,
She lays facing me, legs
Either side, bare **** on my
Bare chest, and lays her
Head to the side of mine,
I pull the covers over and
Switch out the lamp leaving
The TV for light,

“That was amazing” she
Quietly whispers in me hear...
“We’re doing it again tomo”
I whisper back, she holds me
Tighter and snuggles into me,
“I love you” she whispers,
“I love you too” I reply.

remind me of the way it tastes on your lips
of the way the smoke is coy with you, holds itself around your mouth
for a lackadaisical second, the way you appear in shades
under the moonlight; is patient; is occurring slowly to my eyes

the smoke holds, breathes on its own accord
the lapse of lilac scent far removed from last summer in
the northern woods, teeming with a softness even in the ******* chirp of  birds nestled on birch

now it is gravel; it is jarring; it is the way you hesitate like cigarette smoke;
caught between leaving too quick or never leaving at all

The only people I find interesting are those who strip me of my sanity
My morals, my judgments
Vanished in their presence

They cut against the grain
Sudden curiosity transpires into adventure
Amidst such uncertainty sheds clarity-
The clarification that nothing really makes sense anyways
Answers do not have to be given
But questions must be answered  

Take your time,
Speak of the theory of reincarnation while deep ******* a ****  
Hike 1,000 miles
Do what your soul desires
Because these people, these are "The crazy ones"
And they're worth listening to.

You pick me up
And we're on the run
Adrenaline pumping
Scooting up against you
Whispering in your ear
Faster
Sliding my hand down your thigh
Pressing down
Needle in the red
The engine is screaming
And so is the bulge in your pants
I strip off my shirt
Unleashing you from your commando pants
And begin to give you head
Tightening your grip on the wheel
******* and deep *******
You are getting close
Hoping you don't close your eyes
spewing your seed
I feel you swerve
My Hand grasps your thigh
You ******
begin to *** again
******* you clean
Harley laughs
And Joker flips off
the cops

nadzieja to wpatrzyć sie
w zegar
     samobójstwa,
                  z mantrą:
       nie czekam nie czekam -
ale tak naprawde,
              wbrew pozorom,
                   nadal czekam;
   w dziobie sępa:
                   gluton i ta kara
nádaramnego czekania...
      no i ta,
śmierć przez odchudzenie...
bo przecież...
    nikt sie z głodu úsrał.  

   what? unconventional diacritical
marks being added...
indicators of syllables...
  you'd prefer the english version
of the hangin'        comma
        and the lost g?
glug glug...
      you drinking a cold
pint really fast, or deep-*******
a ****, you silly *****?
don't answer, i don't even
               want to know.

and call it snow.
ta ta ta. perfect.
****.
the ******* whines
with the reddest of open mouths. she cries
a lakeful of tears.
smell of salted meat.
embarrassment,
and… age. rage.
god, i think i could slice you from my skin
for this mirage…
this ploy of light and [soft metal] sky.
oh, god.
i am sadness, and ire, and solemnly the
blue of this beer bottle-
god, if you had a throat
blue would look beautiful sliding down
it.
and i should know-
my body is a mirror
and my house is a hall of mirrors.
i saw it firsthand,
the ******* of beam, and spear, of
foolish thought, and he led me here.
but really, god.
i’m the joke,
and the stage is empty.
everyone waited for me to climb into the
middle (typical blind little bird)
and mime an act of desperate longing.
and that’s the whole joke,
and isn’t it… funny?
because i’m still here, and i still hear laughing.
because who really
gives a **** after so long but someone
that swallowed it all-
but someone that blamed themselves and thought,
pobrecita,
and, find other tongues willing to touch you?
the scarecrow never thought-
god, i am so unfathomably distraught.
i can’t believe
that happened and
i can’t believe
i fell for it.
i can’t believe i was…
the fool in the garden,
the fountain with the open,
seeping mouth.
it’s still open.
still seeps, and god,
did you know it still seeks?
i didn’t do this, did i? (no)
i was wrong,
but i didn’t know.
nobody told me wolves had indigo tongues.
nobody told me i would never blame the wolf.
**** me,
(softmetalheaven)
i was so dumb.
**** both of us.