My life before I met you was just simply dull. I never ever felt any emotions. I couldnt feel happiness, I couldnt feel sadness. I didnt even have any emotional relationships with people. Like I knew I should love my family or some friends. And I said I did. I just couldnt feel it. It was just a word for me and I thougt that's normal because I never knew anything other.
Everything changed when I met you. And by everything I mean my whole life, soul,thinking,feeling,talking,moving,dreaming,breathing. There wasnt a single part of my existence that didnt change.
I started feeling things Ive never felt before.
I started seeing things Ive never seen before.

When I was with you I often realized that I feel like Im in a movie. In a really, really beautiful movie.
Everytime we went to bed I never fell asleep before you and then I just stared at your beautiful face sleeping and your beautiful chest moving while you were breathing.
And every morning I woke up earlier just to look at you a bit longer.
When we were waiting for the tram in streets of your beautiful hometown Prague, I looked at you again and I remember my thoughts till this day. "How ******* lucky am I to call you mine. How did I ever deserve you? And also how lucky I am that you are also a lesbian."

Since I met you... I strated crying.
I never really cried before.
Do you remember the first time you played the guitar for me? How my tears just started falling?
I dont really know why but I think that was the moment I fell in love with you. Cause I didnt know that feeling and I didnt know how to express or let out my emotions, so I just started crying.
And then usually tears started falling while your body was joined with mine... or when we were saying goodbye...

It feels like my life just started when I met you.

And that was how I knew I was madly, madly in love with you girl.

Just tell me.. What should I do to numb the pain that has fully outgrown through my whole body.... Just tell me what to do... Cause I dont know what to do anymore. Everything seems just pointless without you. And I know I can have you back. Or can I? Well for sure not right now.   I've been really unwell since you left...   Now this time, it has been a year. A whole ******* year since you told me you need to be alone, A year since you broke my whole ******* heart A year since I almost died in your bathroom and you saved my life A year since I last heard your voice A year since I last kissed you A year since we made love A year since I told you I fell completely in love with you A year since I first met your family and you met mine A year since you were the most beautiful surprise out of all on my birthday A year since you played a last song on the guitar for me A year since I was crying when I had to say goodbye to you and wait a whole week to see you again A year since I felt like my life couldn't get any better A year since I drank alcohol and felt joy instead drowning in the sadness for your absence A year since I started writing a beautiful, happy, loveful poetry A year since I truly felt any kind of emotions for the first time...   And after this whole ******* year I still crave for you. After all this whole ******* year I still love you.

What if we lived in the same town?
What would happen then?

I picture you in your black coat,
Wishing you never left.

Throat closing, waving from across the street
Heartbroken, you still got a piece of me.

I tiptoed alone to your wooden room
I felt you changing in an afternoon

We left it open
Kept the pages clean

I never wanted to let you go
I still see you coming home.

I held my breath on the river
We were supposed to be good

You were trapped in the darkness
I wanted to help you get out of that mess.

My suitcase was heavier than I thought it'd be

I looked back
and felt tears falling.

From this side  I can hold it better now.
You were wrong
You were right...

I still see you coming home

It has been more then six months since we broke up,
I mean since you broke up with me.

And during those six months there still hasn't been a day I didn't think about you. Everything still reminds me of you.

Every single bird that flies by.
Every song I hear, all the words appeal to you.
Every new place I discover,  I wish I would discover it with you.
Every great new person I meet, I wish you could get to know them too.
Every new painting I make,  I want to show and explain it to you.
Only you.
Always only you.

-Tereza Balatkova

Every once in a while
memories come floating by.

I find myself breaking like a fragile glass. Although I sometimes think I'm over us.

And then I ask myself if I'll ever be.
I have to say it sounds impossible to me.
I don't want to hurt you, I'm just keeping it real.

Will I ever be able to love someone again?
Love someone the way I loved you?

I'm not sure if that's only a dream that won't ever come true.

-Tereza Balatkova

And I'm falling and falling,
somewhere I've never been before.

And there's no one who'll catch me, no one at all.

And I'm hurting and hurting...
just that you know,

my heart is bleeding
and my soul is torn.

You knew my heart was never touched before and you let me fall for you, like it was nothing at all.

When you said you don't want to hurt me, that's when I crashed the most,
I heard my heart breaking,
you didn't even hear me mourn.

-Tereza Balatkova

I love you so much,
that much it hurts like hell.

It's killing me,
because I know you don't feel the same.

You don't share the same feelings and thinking about it absolutely tears me apart.

-Tereza Balatkova

I was thinking about what you are to me.
How would I draw you, what would you be.

You'd be a bird.
But not just an ordinary, typical that everyone knows.

You'd be a beautiful,  black bird with three wings and a heart that's torn.

Beautiful because you are.
Your flaws are the most perfect out of all.

Black because you are.
Your eyes, your soul, they own this color the most.

Three winged because you are.
Something new I've discovered for the very first time.

Heart torned because you are.
These people who torn it are gone and I want you to know that I'll try and try until it's whole.

-Tereza Balatkova

First love is innocent and pure. It is the first time your blood gushes to your cheek, making them blush. First time you feel you can’t-sleep-can’t-breathe-can’t-eat. First time you feel speechless but poetic. First time your heart feels it is going to beat itself out of your chest. First time when the words “I love you” send down a tingly feeling along your nerves. First time when you feel sleepless but exhilarated. First time you find yourself thinking about someone all day. First time you trust someone to protect your heart. First time you feel-so-much-you-get-scared. First time you let someone past your guards and in. First time when your day feels incomplete without talking to them and world incomplete without their presence. First time when every intricate memory and detail matters. First time your skin feels electrified when you stand next to them. First time you realize you can feel this way about another person.
The first person with whom you experience the waves of various shades of emotions. The first person you’re willing to give, give and give with no limits for too much never seems too much. The first person you are willing to surpass any boundaries for. The first person you love more than yourself. The first person you pour love and secrets too. The first person who made your smile widen. The first person who you imagine your present and future with. The last person you think about when you sleep and first one to wake up to. The first person who makes you feel the love in songs, books, and movie. The first person to make you aware of something deep in yourself. The first person who feels like the moonlight in the night sky and the sun in the day. The first person who you are willing to take interests in their interest and love what they love. The first one who loves all your insecurities and flaws into beauty.