It's not that I actively want to **** myself but it would be quite easy to just... jump off the top floor of a high-rise building. Feeling the breeze push against your skin and your hair going everywhere, what a feeling that would be. If you try hard enough you could probably hear the bustle of the city under the harsh sounds of the wind. I bet it'd be really loud. Not sure about how I feel about having people scraping my insides off the ***** pavement though. The point is, I'm not so tired of being alive that I can't even find a quick moment to enjoy a second of ****** television but I also am not bothered to try. Sometimes I imagine how it would be to just stop existing, does that make sense? That's when I think about jumping off high-rise buildings. Whenever I'm up there it's like I can see the world for what it is and I feel almost in control. I want to take that feeling and hold it close to my heart, and use it on bad days to make myself feel better but instead, I keep being the person that I am. Someone I really just can't stand or recognize anymore. I don't know. I haven't been up on any high-rise buildings recently. I am trying to keep myself in check, and I think that's what counts.
At this point, I just wanted to be able to write something and express myself. So I wrote. Without the pressure of a meter. It felt much more freeing and I think this is what I would stick with in the future. I wrote this during a dark time, I don't feel like this anymore and I really have not been up on any high-rise buildings recently, I promise.
