please understand
that there are broken parts of me
that i can't fix
and the more i fumble with them
the more they crumble
and maybe that's my fault
because my hands shake
and i'm the farthest from gentle
i promise i'm working on my technique

i don't try to smother
it just comes naturally to me
like breathing
even if you say the right things
i'll still struggle
just like if you were to wrap your hands
around my throat
i would still try to breathe
you can talk about whatever you want
i'll hang my head and listen

you know that thing i do?
the one we talk about a lot?
i probably do it because i don't know what to say
or i don't want to say the wrong thing
or i think the conversation is over
but i should probably pay more attention to your words
instead of my own

i either talk too much
or not enough
and my poems are always too long
and never make much sense
just like my thoughts
and to me
it's like trying to untie a jumble of knots
by just cutting them
like the fates snipping threads

i apologize too much
i feel guilty for things i never did
or things that aren't a big deal
and i've tried
so very hard in this poem
to not apologize

i'm sorry