It’s been four months since you left  
but you still find a way into
everything

Every piece of art I make
every song and playlist,
it’s been four months
but I’ve considered taking up smoking
just to taste stale cigarettes
and iced coffee every morning
to replace the emptiness
of knowing you’re no longer mine
to kiss

Little things make me miss you most
like plaid pants and thick silver rings
sat upon middle fingers,
blonde haired boys with
dark roots and deep under eye circles,
it all comes back to you

I haven’t slept peacefully in months
when I close my eyes
all I see is you.
I was never a restless sleeper before you
but now I toss and turn
my mind full of questions
I’m too scared to ask

When you told me you needed time
I told you I would support you
and each day you’re growing
but I can’t help but see
that you’re still struggling.

You promised if we were meant to be,
if you were meant to recover,
then we would find each other again
but I can’t let go of you completely
and I’m scared to let life
take its course
because I don’t like who I am without you
and I need you to stay alive
or I’ll be nothing