The pain you brought me today was unfathomable
It has been years since that feeling
Buckets needed
The rain outside mimics me  
Mimicked me
And you broke my heart
And I wasn't only sad about you
But also about me
How could I have let my feelings get this way
I felt like I needed you
I built stories and pictures in my head
Although it wasn't only me
It was all the confidence around me
The reassurance by loved ones
That biasedly gave me hope
False inaccurate tales
I see you walking at school
And I quickly have to make sure that I don't burst
Make a greater fool of myself
Because you
Only you
Have ever made me feel this way
So stupid
So dumb
So needy
Never have I felt so great a feeling
A feeling that not even the deepest darkest dwellings of that of the ocean can comprehend
I wanted you
I tried for you
You knew
You know
And I didn't get you
So now I just walk the halls
Struck by glances of you
Hate
Hurt
Desire
All feelings that overwhelm me
And then I feel like crying
Because I feel like this
And you'll never know to what extent
And I'll never tell you
Or at least I think I won't

You see the reason things couldn't and haven't worked is because you are waiting for me to do something
And I've already let you know my feelings so like the little girl I am
I wait for you to do something
For you to be the man
Take control
Allow something
Something great to happen

I cried today
Stupid I know
But even though
There is still a tiny bit of hope
So so so small
It's there
For now I'll mask my feelings
Not let my friends know
Because maybe
Just maybe
That's how I'll get over you

Even though that's not what I intend
I still want you
Crave you
Desire you
In everyway
Not bc I'm gross
But bc I'm human
And you are the first person who has thus far incapsulated my brain in such a way
Made me want to know you on a deeper level
And why you?
WHY YOU
How did you do this to me
How did I do this to myself
***
Now I'm confused
When did I let myself begin
Liking you?

Of all people
I have no idea
But all I know
That for the time being you are the only person I want
And even though
Day by day you walk past me in the corridors
I still hold on
To that tiny thread of hope
That has been woven beneath my sleeve