it was one of those crazy hot days in the dead of summer.
i remember because of the sweat that poured down my skin
and the way my eyes squinted as the bright sun shone.
i massaged my neck nervously, my mouth twisted into a grimace.
ya see, i’ve always been weak, especially when it comes to you.
so what i was readying myself to do, i knew, would be too much.
but i had to let you go as the rays of sunlight baked my skin and
my head began to ache from how hard i was squinting, grimacing.
i said goodbye, as my heart raced, either from the heat or the pain.

Have you
ever drank warm whiskey by a cold sunset?
Do you ever eat apples to the pits?
Does the moving moss see a meal in a man?
I sat on top of campfires
flogged by flames
waiting to be forgiven -
I kissed frogs and mushrooms
while listening to the fractured pink noise
of horrible screams -
A horrible scream, it
wears white in black lace, it
wears down a man's pride that way
- I'm wasting, away
I'm wasting -
My time with you, she said about
with ***, in her eyes, it
was just exercise
and her and I
won't work out -

the moon
took shelter in my chest and
made a home
of my husk of a body

but it's too
big and bleeding
to hold tight

On the 7 ways to make your partner fall in love with you list one stuck out in my mind. "Stare into each other's eyes for four minutes without saying a word," it read. So here I sit, staring into the eyes of my reflection in the mirror hoping that maybe if I am able to stare long enough I will begin to love myself. I'll notice my favorite attributes and learn to love my flaws. However, within 30 seconds of locked eyes, my vision was blurred as I began to sob. Within those 30 seconds I came to the realization that I do not love myself and I'm finding it hard to believe that I ever will.

(September 19, 2015 // 2:56 A.M.)

Years, and many of them, can run right passed us, and I’d still feel my childhood home knocking at my chest when I see you.

I’ll be 16, melting, and wondering why your lips look darker as your cheeks become more red.

You’ll always be familiar, your hands will always be cold during the summer, and your skin will always be the first canvas I painted with my whispers.

I've felt the words, pierce through my veins
From I love yous to goodbyes
You are the reason there is art in me
The kisses you lay on my skin
And the way you paint me with your hands in the dark
Navigating from my eyes to my cheeks
And tracing my lips with your fingers
And you stop at my neck,
To feel my pulse and maybe if I'm still breathing right
Because by now I'm not
And you kiss my cheek to say something funny in my ear
To make me smile

I've felt the sting of words when you said I'm good enough
But left me for her

But you know and I know, she's much better

I've felt the sting of words and I love you,I love you, I love you
From the way you looked the other way around when i said it

And I've felt the sting of goodbyes
When you didn't look back

And I feel the sting in every unexpected hello
When we meet in a coffee shop
And i dread to look at the person behind me
every text, once in a while
When I fear to fall back in you arms
You're the vicious cycle I can't escape
My sleepless nights and shaky hands
Tearful eyes and mascara cheeks
I'll say that once again and for the last time
I love you
I miss you
But you're no good for me