You do this to me
every time
the winks
your hand brushing
my waist

You know I can't
the time for us has
left us
we need to find
normalcy between
our feelings

I'm not gonna lie
sometimes I want to
and you break my heart
a little bit every time
you say those words to me

I've stopped counting
the chances I've given you
and you squandered them all
now there are none left to give
now I am with another
now I am trying to live in my present
but not forget our past
now is when you choose to act

and yet, are you really?
drunken whispers in my ear
the secret I love yous
before you return home to
your girlfriend
whom (as you've reminded me)
you don't love

I love my boyfriend
and while I will always have
hidden feelings for you
I could never trust my heart to you
like I do with him
he is warm, comforting, and safe
you are drama encompassed

You need to let me go
because I can't keep doing this
you keep cracking my heart
please see that you have exhausted me
please just let me be happy
I will not cheat on him with you
I will not leave him for you
I just want things to be normal again
But I don't think you'll allow them to be

Flinger fargen
Bo kindres parben
den randf er morgen
blenk ting er horfen

JORP! Ein blaord fa
Rands er yozard dentra
parben bo floken wretha
O borben er tien jorta

Today I had a realization
Something I had never done
Until you came into my life
I remember clear as day
Asking for a piece of gum
"Don't take the outside pieces!"
I never understood your logic
but followed this absurd rule of yours

Today I was taking a piece of gum
out of the pack and there were only
a few pieces left in the box
all the remaining strips
were on the outside

So even though I don't see you
talk to you, think about you, or
even love you anymore
I realized that our time together
has inherently imprinted on me
And though you are
no longer a part of my life
I still carry these small pieces
of you with me  

At first this upset me
Since I don't really want
anything to do with you
but the more i thought about it
the more I realized
that you are not the only one
And the more okay I am
carrying pieces of people
who have helped mold me
into the woman that I am
and the woman that I love.

I heard a lyric today
It said,
"I don't like Time"
I think I understand that
But I can't tell if I like it or not...
I like it when it's moving fast,
but only when I'm at work
God forbid it's moving quickly during my
free time.

I don't mind getting older,
but sometimes I hate it when
people age with me.
Like...My little cousin just graduated college.
When did that happen? Wasn't she in 3rd grade yesterday?
When did she get so mature...and when did I get this old?

Time is strange, but I'm strange too.
I guess we'll just be strange together.
Since there is no divorcing time,
my perpetual wedding ring
is worn in the folds of my skin.

You didn't say Hi
You didn't ask me
If I am well
Why would you care anyways
In your larger than life - Life
that you're living in the Big Apple
Nope.
You just wanted to tell me
that you were nominated for an Emmy
how blessed I am know know someone
who was nominated for an Emmy
I congratulated you
in the nicest way I could
and told you about the boring things
I've been up to
and you didn't respond
why should you
you are an Emmy nominee
living in NYC
and I am just Kimmie
who lives in Rhode Island
and has a normal 9-5 job

But you know what
I will never apologize for
who I am
and what I've done
no matter how small or
insignificant they seem to you

I will always remember you
as the gothic boy from high school
you were weird and I liked you
you made me laugh
and I never judged you

What right do you have
to judge me now
Well congratulations
You've done it
You've proven that
you're better than
the rest of us

You have done amazing things
Yes, you are going to have
the most amazing career
and I am genuinely happy for you
and you should be proud
but maybe
just maybe
stop ******* to yourself

Even though my life
might seem small to yours
in comparison
I am very happy
I love the simplicity of my life
and I would never in a million years
trade it for yours

So you live your BIG life Alex
or do people call you Samuel now?
And I will live my simple one
Have fun at the Emmy's next year
I'll probably be playing my Xbox
because let's face it...watching the Emmy's
is pretty boring...

Raised in the midst of war
You stubborn, tenacious, little girl
You saved your friends
and lost your family
You rode on the top of trains
to make room for the sick
and the elderly

You met an American Soldier
Who had a big mustache and
a long face
You didn't know English, but
you fell in love with him

The odds were against you
but still you moved across
the ocean
To a place that didn't
understand you or
the way you spoke, or the way
you looked.

You had a little girl who died
and your racist Mother-in-law
crudely said,
"Wake up, your baby is dead."

You had four more daughters
Your husband was always away
And yet you had time to make
Hot breakfast every morning
sew 17 dresses in one summer
and never complain

Your daughters grew up
and gave you 8 grandchildren
we were your light
and you made us laugh
and taught us how to be strong
in the face of adversity

For 7 years you fought this illness
and in all those 7 years
of over 60 blood transfusions
and practically living
from hospital to hospital
you were patient and you never
once lost your spirit.

Even in our last day together
You held my hand with so much strength
though your body was weak and failing you
In your hand I felt all the love you had for me
All the love you had for our family
and I know you did everything for us

I miss the way you swear
your tenacious strength
your incredible tenderness
holding your hand
feeling comfort in your quiet presence

Even though you're gone
and I will never see you again,
I feel you. I feel you in my heart
I feel you in my hands, I feel you
in my soul. I feel you every time
I stand up to some one and tell them
No.

You always said, "I'm a rich woman"
because you had us. You told me,
"If I asked for anything more,
I would be greedy."
The reality is, we were all rich because
we had you.
I am so grateful for you. I miss you.
I love you.

Signing hands
simple words
masked in complex
emotions

We are happy
but I am in a funk
I'm just trying to
understand....
I think?

I'm not sad,
far from it
I'm just feeling
complacent maybe?
or dormant, and
a little bored

I am myself
and simultaneously
out of my body when
I write
There are words that are mine
and every person's and every thing's
I am not the author
I am the catalyst

This place, this page, this pen
Me, you
The air, the earth
The mundane, the electrifying
The sobering
The simple, the complicated
The tangible

These are the authors
all of it...all of this...
produces the words
that spill out of my body
effortlessly

It's the words that
I struggle for
cry for, fight for,
and bleed for
It's those words,
that are
mine.

You looked at me
In the dark
In the back of the car
We both had been drinking

You said something
but no sound came out
it was a secret something
I didn't understand

You smiled at me
and winked at me
and grabbed my hand

Is that how you look at your girlfriend?
Is this how our relationship will continue?
Under the influence,
In the back seat of a dark car?

I pulled my hand away
I shouldn't enjoy that
I shouldn't want it

You get out of the car
I see the longing in your eyes
I can't want this
and neither should you
I push this feeling down
Into my Pandora's Box
for a rainy day

You walked away
We didn't kiss
We didn't say goodbye
But this was my goodbye
No more

I don't know...
I know the things I want in life
I want a family
I want to open a bakery
I want to be a grandparent
die old, retired, and happy

But I don't know
I don't know if I'll get married
and if I do get married
I don't know if I'll get divorced
or have children
or be able to open my bakery

For all I know
I could die young
I may not fall in love again
Or maybe I will fall in love
but be barren and not be able to have kids

There is beauty in the unknown
there is also a ton of anxiety
but beautiful in that your life could be anything
no matter what plans you have
no matter how determined you are
no matter what means you come from
life is spontaneous and unpredictable
like New England weather
or a cat -
no one knows what cats are up to...
they are

Unpredictable and subject to change
No matter what we want we need to be pliable
and ready for change when it hits
because it will happen to us
we will be given something unexpected
and we will have to mold and adapt

I'm learning this the older I get
I don't know how my life will end up
I could die today
or in 50 years, there's no way of knowing
so I don't know
I guess I just have to keep hoping my plans
come to fruition but I don't know if they will
and it worries me
just because the unknown is beautiful
don't make it any less scary
and I'm scared
simply because
I don't know.

Hello Poetry,
It's been a while.
Thought I would
Write you a note
and let you know
that I'm doing fine.
Work is still crazy
But my friends are good
and my family is good
so I can't complain really.
I hope you are well and
that you keep inspiring people.
I know you are, it's your
essence and I'm proud of you.
Keep doing your wonderful work.
Call me sometime,
We'll get lunch.

I have so much work to do
And yet I sit here
At my desk
With my email opened
with new emails pouring in
with my to-do list growing
with clients getting impatient
with managers getting frustrated
and I sit here
and I write poems
that only a handful of people will read
and still...
I get more satisfaction
from a trending poem
than I ever had
from doing well at work
perhaps I am in the wrong profession...
but I'm not an excellent writer
my poems will most likely
never be published
I will undoubtedly
write a book
and never have it published
I can't leave this job
with what little money I have
To pursue a dream that
might not come true
Not in this economy...
It's sad, really
how hard it is to follow your dreams
But I will still try
I will sit at my desk and write
and hope I don't get fired
so maybe one day
I can quit
and pursue what makes me happy
and satisfied
creativity and tea
Wish me luck

Dear little Paper Clip
holding together
my work
and subsequently
my life
You keep my chaos
nice and tidy

I could just tear
out all my hair
Rip up all my papers
Quit my job
and be a broke
artist

All the pressure
my endless list of
things to do
The never ending
questions that I
never know
the answers to

But then there you are
little yellow Paper Clip
calm in your role
you understand
your place and I
almost envy you

You keep it all
together
and you look good
doing it

Today I will try
to be
more like you.

He was my first
love

He gave me butterflies

When we were together I needed to always
touch him
hold his hand
lay on his chest

He gave me anxiety

When we were apart I needed to always
hear him
know where he was
and who he was with

So many nights spent
laughing
loving
together

so many more spent
crying
alone

I gave him my heart
I gave him my body
I would have given him everything
I did give him everything

He cheated
He lied
and still he loved me
and stupidly,
I still loved him

I walked away
he broke me
finally
I walked away
carrying the pieces of my heart
In my young hands

He got engaged
(to the girl he cheated on me with)

I moved
out of this country and across the world

I patched up my broken heart
It took a long time
and a few one-night stands
there were pieces still missing
and scars where the cracks were glued
but I understood this heart much better
than before when it was whole

Now I'm with my new love

When we are together
We cuddle
We read
We watch movies

When we are apart
We send each other updates
and tell each other
I miss you
I love you

I don't always get butterflies
but I never have anxiety

Almost every night we
laugh
and
love

and when I rarely cry
I'm not alone
and he holds me
and says he's sorry
or I say I'm sorry

He fills the holes that were left behind
and my scars are nearly faded

But sometimes I think back to my first love
my young love
my innocent love

And although my first love
at times felt like
magic
buzzing bees
and hot electricity
running through my veins

my new love feels like
warm cookies
a sweater on a crisp day
sunshine in the cool wind
and home
And I know that this is better.

To be overwhelmed:
To bury or drown beneath a huge mass.
Huge mass of work
Huge mass of bills
Huge mass of love
Huge mass of support

I am overwhelmed
all the time
by all things

When I feel more overwhelmed
by all the negative
I think of all the good
That I carry
That I am buried under

I hold my friends
and they hold me
I lift my family
and they lift me
When I drown in my work
They let me float in their support
When I am crushed
They each carry part of that weight
and lift it

Drop me in a glass of water
I neither float
or sink
I am suspended

I am buried by my life
I am carrying my life
I am technically burdened
I would rather carry weight
and have something
than nothing at all

I am buried
I am weighed down,
but I am breathing
I am standing
and I am okay.

I am swimming
I am floating
I am drowning

I am flying
I am soaring
I am falling

I forgot
You were always there
but I forgot

You were my mentor
and you helped me find
my voice

You celebrated
My weirdness
You celebrated
All weirdness

You were queen
Of all the misfit
high schoolers

You were our teacher
my mentor
my safety
my friend

And I forgot you
Until you were gone
But then I remembered
and wanted to thank you
but you were gone...

I'm so sorry...
and thank you
for everything

Hemingway said
There's nothing to writing
You just sit at a typewriter
and Bleed

I'm sitting
I'm typing
I'm bleeding
                 bleeding
                           bleeding

My blood is full
of numbness
of everything
of nothing
wordless feelings

My heart is pumping
pumping the words
they swim in my veins
and travel all the canals
in my body

They glide from my heart
to my fingers
to my hips
to my toes
to my brain
then rest again in my heart
until they make that journey again

And yet - What can I say?
When the feelings are there
When my heart is full
When my lungs are empty
and no words come out

I just keep sitting
         keep typing
and  keep bleeding.