my wrists still hurt more from your rough hands
pinning me to the floor,
than anything I've ever done to them before.

my head still aches more from screaming,
rather than by an old concussion lingering.

my eyes still cry and leak over,
but I'm not sure why anymore.

But as long as it's don't ask, don't tell,
I'll be fine.

I got two hours of sleep last night

No, it wasn’t because I was working on the essay that was due today
I couldn’t care less about the essay

Actually, I could
Because I care too much about everything
and that’s why I was up all night

I’ve spent countless sleepless nights worrying about every moment that’s gone wrong
Wincing about every word I stuttered over
Analyzing every glance I received
And it makes me wake up with bruises underneath my eyes

My mom didn’t make me go to school today, even though she knew I should
She wants to scream at me to get out of bed, to do something with myself
But I think my empty stare and my cheeks stained raw like a ripe pomegranate
stop her from making me do anything

I haven’t washed my hair in three days
The thought of leaving my room ties a knot in my stomach that can’t be undone
And why doesn’t my dad understand
That I don’t feel like dragging my body around because it’s as if it’s a bag of sand?

My doctor told me that I have anxiety
headaches
trembling
nausea
lightheadedness
trouble swallowing food
excessive, o  n  g  o  i  n  g worrying and tension
difficulty concentrating
trouble falling asleep
                                       or
                                              staying
        ­                                                     asleep

I didn’t get to sleep tonight

Slit my wrists,
I bleed red just like you
But you only see
My dark skin

My skin life,
these pores are my breath,

My skin comfort,
No one will hold me as tight as my skin,

My skin home,
I refuse to change it,

My skin me,
Let me love me