Helen

Helen Apr 2016

she sat
with her back
against
the closed door
but mostly
she laid
upon the floor,
tracing patterns
upon the wood,
whispering wishes
to the choking
dust
knowing she could
just weave a
dreamcatcher
from ****** hair
ripped from
the scalp
or draw an SOS
in the dancing
dust motes
in a silent scream
for help
then she stood,
lightly rapping
upon the door
asking if there
was anything
more
she could do
might do
or say?
When the
demons
screamed
once again
She could do
no other
but
walk away

Helen Apr 2016

Where Even the Dead Fear to Tread

Imperfect lines carved into skin
etched in deep by sharpened pin
tiny road maps to insanity
little. tiny. tracks. of inhumanity

Gouged into a perfect slate
filled with blood and sealed with hate
a rutted path to macabre damnation
no salvation in the ruination

A meandering road in total eclipse
from empty eyes to barbed wired lips
to the broken heart so badly stitched
stretching all the way to apocalypse

Fragmented memories line the paths
edged by tears of broken glass
echoing in silence of words unsaid
these are roads even the dead fear to tread

#selfharm

Helen Apr 2016

The Pen As a Bullet ~ a co write with John Patrick Robbins aka Gonzo

Broken dreams and cast stones
I've bared the burden
now simply rather collect dust.

In every line I breath as in life I simply decay
its all a blast till you see it for what it never was to begin with

Fallen stars and dim lit thoughts cast a jaded view over the night
And it's always a dream just before the nightmare takes hold

When the nightmare begins, I like to technicolor dream
I see the abyss for the small ditch it could be
I see a puddle of tears that won't become a river
never would I cry so incessantly, weep then move on

We can't erase the scars that choke on a dark night
we cant fight the hands that want to hold us down
broken dreams are signs we are ready for the fight
*and every line is the only thing we can own

"writing" with John is a pleasure. It is intrinsically part of my life.

#dream #poetry #life #writing #nightmare #gonzo

Helen Apr 2016

little things bring happiness

I never really focused
on happiness
Never really thought
I had a reason to smile
Each day can be so harsh
but the in between moments
can make it worthwhile
a quiet walk down an empty street
in the moments between
the dark and the dawn
the breath of fresh air
drawn deep into tired lungs
watching fingers of light yawn
across a beautiful start to the day
Then hearing the children laugh
as they come out to play
Spending time with family
when the working week is done
Happiness is not just about fun
It's a soul deep pleasure
that settle upon bones
that are broken
like a soothing balm
It's often less about the spoken
more about the little joys
that sit gently in your palm
I never really thought about the happy
until it was ****** upon my hand
and I find my fingers, gently curling
to hold it steady
I won't let it fall so readily
look closely, they are not clenched fists
*do you understand?

for you, and to your happiness, it's cheap, but it's not easy ;)

Helen Apr 2016

Free (Rudimental)

I don’t do yoga, never tried Pilates
Not many people want me at their parties
Tryna find my place, some place, oh I, oh I, oh I
And I drink a little more than recommended
This world ain’t exactly what my heart expected
Tryna find my way someway, oh I, oh I, oh I

[Chorus:]
See, whoa, c’est la vie
Maybe something’s wrong with me
But, whoa, at least I am free, oh, oh, I am free
Yeah, whoa, c’est la vie
Maybe something’s wrong with me
But, hey, at least I am free, oh, oh, I am free

If you ask the church then I am no believer
Spend Sundays asleep I'm just another dreamer
Still tryna find my home sweet home, oh I, oh I, oh I
And I guess I ain’t too good for money neither
I got two left feet, no, I'm no Jackson either
Just tryna find my way someway, oh I, oh I, oh I

[Chorus:]
See, whoa, c’est la vie
Maybe something’s wrong with me
But, whoa, at least I am free, oh, oh, I am free
Yeah, whoa, c’est la vie
And maybe something’s wrong with me
But, whoa, at least I am free, oh, oh, I am free

Just tryna find my home sweet home, sweet home, sweet home, sweet home,
I drink a little more than recommended
'Cause this ain’t exactly what my heart expected

[Chorus:]
Whoa, c’est la vie
Maybe something’s wrong with me
But whoa, at least I am free, oh, oh, I am free
Yeah, whoa, c’est la vie
Maybe something’s wrong with me
But, whoa, at least I am free, oh, oh, I am free.

Whoa, c’est la vie
Maybe something’s wrong with me
Whoa, at least I am free, oh, oh, I am free
Whoa, c’est la vie
Maybe something’s wrong with me
Whoa, at least I am free, oh, oh, I am free.

I don't know why this song speaks to me but... It so does...
http://youtu.be/KDPW_g2AhAU

Helen Mar 2016

A Ship Sailed (a co write with John Patrick Robbins aka Gonzo)

We set a paper ship
upon the waters
in hope it will never know a storm
we have bared of our past
In hopes that maybe to gather
they could fair better than us
as clear skies graced our thought
now storm clouds loom heavy.
It's never as we planned
but never our fault.

Those paper ships slip
from between our fingertips
before we are ready to set sail
We watch them bob
upon traitorous waters
standing upon stormy land
and know only,
when they are lost at sea
that our casting off
has failed

Under moonlit nobility gets beyond our controls and storms
we seldom grasp, the ships sink faster than the images we have lives since painted within our thoughts.
It all comes full circle in the end

Full circle begins
when weeping upon a midnight beach
waiting for the debris to float in
To sit upon the sand
and not understand
how paper boats can't float
without sails
We set them out upon stormy seas
Hoping them fine and fair weather
only to see them smashed upon the shore
with no guidance from above
just a single feather
Buried deeply in their chest
a single hope
they could fly
now they lay broken
upon a distant shore
dying under a whisper
of... *I tried

The opening lines are by John Patrick Robbins aka Gonzo. The most amazing supportive friend I will ever have! They were the perfect lines for me to open myself up as a parent to the fact that we can fail as a parent to not only to losing our children to death but also to losing our children to a living death. His name IS Darcy :)

#children #parent #opposite #gonzo

Helen Mar 2016

A Place to Call Home

she wallows in confusion
when she can't express her pain
and every day she can't talk
literally drives her insane
she holds onto her panic
hiding inside her insanity
but every now and then
she decides to break free
She spreads her wings
and calls one number
She know her wings will be tucked
beneath a heart that does not slumber
Where she can rest her head
upon a regular heartbeat
and rest her heart
where it's safe to weep
A nest of Hope
A nest of Peace
A comfortable place
for tired wings to Sleep

thank you for being my sanctuary

#love #friend #comfort #brother